An Educating Year

2007 has been a very very tough year. It has been emotionally exhausting. A roller coaster ride right from the start, the lows were soul draining whereas the ups were exhilaratingly gravity defying.

Mid year I came to an easy conclusion that 2007 was a bad year for me. Yet, as it approaches its end, I realised that I was completely wrong. All that had happened had taught me to be a better person. 2007 changed me in a way I never thought possible. And I am still learning. What doesn't kill you only make you stronger. As a human, there are many things beyond our control. Eor whatever happen, we always have to look at the brighter side of everything. For everything negative, there's also the positive. We just need to look at both sides of the coins. To read the fine print of life, to understand the little details of the picture.

I am thankful for what 2007 has brought me. Truly grateful for what changed me. And truly looking forward to what to come in 2008. May it be better in every way. Amin!

Life revised.....

Still Learning.....

How far is one willing to go for something uncertain? Taking a leap without knowing how to land. Taking chances, thats what it is.

Just One More Time

The world becomes smaller their words stinging in your head
Their hands sometimes like a snake constricting your air
That feeling of dread when you must pretend you don't care
That look that you have let them all down once again
Protective hands around your shoulder
That panicked feeling they are just like all the others
Around in circles my feelings go
One day I may want you, the next I don't know
Come near me, leave me, don't talk to me, come to me, a dance of disguise.
My feelings I sometimes hide, don't look at me with despair
I am not a person that you need to repair.
Dance with me in the light when you can,
Leave me when the dark enters and your touch is too suffocating to bear,
Don't ask for more that what is now,
Don't tell me I can be more
Just accept me as I am, and perhaps we can dance again some more.

-The Naked Heart

Little Pieces...

Can one move on completely leaving the past, having no association with it anymore? Like a newborn child, to have a fresh start. Or are we shaped by the past? That even though it's beyond us, little fragments of it stays forever within ourselves. Do we embrace or resist it? What if both are impossible to do?

Cut, Fun, Extreme, Sunburn

The great start to my 27th year continues. Went to Pantai Seri Kenangan yesterday with the Lionesses and the hockey guys. Within 5 minutes I arrived there, I was already riding a motorbike. That's right. I rode one yesterday, not the big road type, just a medium size one. And it was fucking AWESOME!! There was definitely a need for speed. It was euphoric! Kick-ass to the max.

I also rode an atv with Pye since she was there as well with her family. There's so much happening at the beach. The fun and laughter was non stop. I also walked along the mile stretch of the beach looking for seashells and basically indulging myself in the beauty of my surroundings. It felt real good and peaceful. And we didn't return empty handed though it wasn't my catch. Huhu!

In the afternoon, armed with thick sunblock which made us looked like second hand chinese opera, we braved the sun and played beach soccer. My team won and I must say that the girls did display an impressive game.

I injured my shoulder again. It came off a bit, not as bad as the previous two. But it was as painful. All in a day, I guess one can't take all in without giving something out. It's all good!

By the way, yes Nur! I was told we can eat those Belangkas. I quote 'it's a crab crayfish!' haha the shell of that monster is so thick and hard. One can make an armour hat. Huhu we didn't eat it though, we gave it to the Pinoys/Thais next to us.

Last night, the family had a BBQ/Doa Selamat/ Tahlil at my uncle's. Cousin Wana is back in Brunei for 2 weeks. The little cousins had a costume slumber party as well last night. It was such a brilliant day yesterday.

There are always good things..........

Truly Blessed: A Heartfelt Tribute

Sometimes my blog seems to be a channel for me to release all my anger and frustration as well as other bitter dark issues. What the readers might failed to notice (and I wasn't doing a very good job at that probably) is that I am blessed with loving family and friends.

There is a truth, when one do good deeds, good things will come their way. I know sometimes I let out my frustration of being unappreciated, unnoticed or something along that way, but the past couple of weeks has been a real eye opener. I get rewarded in a way that I never thought can happen.

As obvious as it was, I had one great birthday this year. It was as if I am somebody to everyone. Maybe I am, maybe not. But it was a nice gesture. A very heartfelt and beautiful gesture.

First, there was the first advanced celebration on 14th december. Minx baked a cheesecake, which was a very thoughtful of her. It was not a grand celebration but it didn't matter really, did it?

Then, on the 21st itself, again I was surprised with a birthday cake by the Kiranas during futsal. Again, it's not the degree of the celebration that matters but the thoughts behind it.

Later, that evening, I celebrated my birthday with the family, the whole clans from my mother's side. Had three cakes and I was showered with lots of hugs and kisses from my little cousins. Never have I felt so loved that day.

And then, come last night, 24th Dec. I thought I was just having a normal sisha-ing session with Tee and Nora when Minx and the rest of the girls and boy stood behind me for a good 10 seconds before I turned around. My final birthday surprise, as the closing ceremony. It was really really unexpected and I was very very stunned. It showed on my face, as I was told. Made me wear a lei around my neck, and a Santa hat as well. The great party was held in the private lounge and by the end of it, I couldn't believe it still. Takes time to sink in I guess. Unbelivable really to go through such trouble just for me. But as I said, it come unexpected at the least time expected. That was the most beautiful about it I must say.

I thank all my family and friends for kicking start my 27th year of life with love and more love. Special love and appreciation to my family especially my mother for always making us the centre of her universe. I also owe it to Minx for the thoughtfulness and efforts she put into the three separate occasions. Thanks for making it a blast. Thanks also to Tee, Nora, Hana, Erda, GRudy, Pye, Antz, Didi, Sufar and the Kiranas. I'll always remember this for the rest of my life.

Everybody is a somebody to someone.......

Costume Slumber Party

The little and not so little cousins and sibs with their costumes.

An Urge To Photoblog

Will write a proper post soon. Definitely have interesting stuffs to talk about. I'm exhausted with a capital X.

A Beautiful Day

A place for friends to gather and have fun. Fun? Fun is so underrated today.

Final Activity

Beach soccer with the Las 'Lionesses' Leonas and errr ITB male hockey team.

What We Caught Today

It's called Belangkas. And we also collected 2 seashell, a big size clams, straight to the BBQ.

Birthday Cake No.6

Another surprise. Thanks beautifuls.

Born Philosopher

I finished reading The Alchemist under a day. It's such a beautiful book, there's something magical about it. I don't know what exactly. It's so powerful and yet simple. I'm still captivated by it. I'm definitely going to read more of Mr.Coelho's books :)

I received another book as a birthday present, AGAIN!, from Antz. Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes. I've 6 books to read. Say what you want.

They want it to continue.........

Finding a New Reason

Another birthday present. Thanx Di. Have I established myself as a book geek now?

Paulo's Best

I finally have it. Will start reading as soon as I'm done with Crazy as Chocolate.

Birthday Cake No.5

My brother paid for this cake. Such a thoughtful gesture given he's still a student and its from The Empire.

Birthday Cake No.4

My sister bought cakes 3 and 4. Thanks luv

Birthday Cake No.3

Birthday Cake No.2

The gurls surprised us december babies during futsal.

Birthday Cake No.1

Minx's homebaked cheesecake

Life and its Predictability.....

When life doesn't make sense and seems to be out of control, it's a good time to find a new reason and perspective to keep us going. No matter how hard life is, going through it is the only option. So it's ok to find a reason, no matter how lame it is, to help us going because that the only choice we have.

There's so much to life that are underrated. It is the hard and difficult stuffs that we remember the most not the good beautiful memories. So it's difficult to see the beautiful ones when shadows of the bad memories cast over it. Am I even making any sense here? Anyways....

There are two categories of people in this world. One that tries to make things better and one that doesn't. The latter makes life complicated with their pride and prejudices. Intentionally inflicting pain on themselves and people around them. They are sadists that way, not to mention ungrateful and insincere. That's just the way they are, never ever going to change and never ever going to learn.

Assuming is preferred than knowing the truth.......

Busted

Well.......Well.......Well! It's getting more and more interesting. There's definitely something going on. I can't put my hands on it just yet. Let it linger for a while. Maybe it was just a one time off thingy. Who knows!

Why is it we try to chase things that are right in front of us.........

Bleeding Internally.......

It's hard to see the whole picture forming when you pay too much attention to the little pieces of the puzzle.

In need to see a second impression......

Good To Be Alive

Thanks Di for disturbing my beauty night sleep. How can you accidently called me at 3 o'clock in the MORNING? Or was it just an excuse? :p SiGh!

I chocked myself with toothpaste foam while brushing this morning. I was gasping for air and I thought I was going to collapse right there in the bathroom. Managed to breathe easy after lots of forceful cough. Talk about an eventful start for a day. I'm left with a really bad headache and sore throat which is a blessing compared to what had happened. Can I consider that as a near death experience? *_*

It's as if we are one........

Our History Rules Us...

Is it possible for people to love us and still have no idea who we really are? Are we the sum of our memories, or do they instead keep us from ourselves? If we abandon our past, can we then, finally, be free?

Embracing Insanity......

Life is beyond human's comprehension. To understand it completely is simply impossible. These routines we go through, the things we do, the pains, the euphorias, are all the little pieces of the bigger picture. We can try to put two and two together but we can never be sure, can't we?

I like to believe that at one point, everything will make sense, that we can see the whole clearly. Somehow I sense that this point will come when the end is too near. Sounds morbid?

I'm a bit disturbed at the moment which I kinda like. Though it made me come up will all this dark thoughts. But it's good to hit rock bottom once in a while. Makes me feel alive. Makes me more human.

Who's in it with so much to lose?

The Northern Light........

The extremely hot day brought a beautiful starry night with it today. Another proof to that there's always a blessing in every unwanted events. The silver lining of the dark clouds. We just need a little bit of faith and believe that everything happens for a reason. Always!

It's necessary for us to look at the positive side of things. It may not be easy but we can always try. Even the effort is good enough.

Learn to blame yourself not others........

Lymah's Majlis Bertunang

Kirana's No.11 with her tanda bertunang. Congrats! :)

The Zahir

I had a conversation this afternoon with a good friend regarding another friend of ours. I realised that love is a powerful thing and a good enough reason to transform a person. In reality, we let our life revolve around an object or a person, the Zahir as Paulo Coelho puts it.

The centre of a person's life can be of anything or anyone. One live their life devoting themselves wholly to their Zahir. It amazes me how powerful the Zahir can be. That it can transform a person completely in order for them to devote themselves to it. Driven by love (or obsession?) one are willing to give up everything just for their Zahir, the nucleus of their life.

On the contrary, isn't it scary to devote our life to something mortal (unless one is completely devoted to God) What happens when it is gone? One can either choose to move on or continue on living in such state of devotion with the same Zahir. A little percentage choose the latter one. Makes me wonder if is it still worth living for?

What if it was never it potrayed itself to be.........

It Hits Home.......

If I had a choice
I'd leave all behind
If I had a choice
I'd make you leave my mind
The things you had me do
Everytime you knew I would
I wanna say that I was aware
But I can't.......I can't

You whole life could be all about one person. But what if their's was not all about you? What is there left to do?

A war is what you made of it.......

Exhausted

I've finished reading The Pact an hour ago (alert! Nur! alert!) It was hmm I don't know how to say. It was part frustrating and part agitating. Hmm enough said

I want to talk about it But this is not the time. I don't think there'll ever be a right moment to. I hope your conscience is clear.

Neverending.....

Gotten Used To.....

There's a saying that goes 'Human being requires 18 inches of personal space'. I need bigger dimension.

Ask yourself if you're happy.....

Breaking Free....

Certain things are worth fighting for while some things are not. Sometimes people take things for granted. And they make the wrong choices. They do things they later regret. Too often, they blame it on others. People failed to rationalise and compromise. The reasons of it all remained unseen. Most of the time, it's beyond mending.

For some to trust a stranger comes easy. Rarely, to trust a friend.

They go unappreciated.............

Asmah's Wedding

I'm mobile blogging. Can only post one pic per post.

The Newly Wed

Sorry for the quality of the photo. Heee congrates both of yous ;)

Post Futsal: Part Three

Post Futsal: Part Deux

Caught!

Post Futsal: Part One

Hehe! One loves it, another hates it :p

Asmah's Malam Berbedak

The pretty bride two days away from her bersanding.

Soul Adrift.....

They say in order to get on with you life, you have to cut loose of your past. How to? Which part of it? I'm yet to figure it out.

Nur, I'm definitely going to get that dvd we talked about. Maybe I'll be inspired :/

Even the brightest star stopped shining somehow........

Towards Madness.......

I found myself obsessing again. Obsessing with getting everything under control. Insane really!

I'll deal with the physical pain for now.......

Second Kirana Wifey

Congrats to Asmah and Abg Hj on their adat bernikah last friday. This post is so overdue.

Moving Cheese.....

Sorry for the lack of post. I've been adapting.. Adapting to changes in life. Nothing too critical, it's all for the better. Little adjustment here and there. Adapting to small (yet probably significant) changes. One of the changes really is to not think too much of the unhealthy thoughts. So in order to do that, the whole thinking domain was overhauled making yours truly temporarily incompetent.

Excuse the pyschobabble from this recovering thoughtless manic.

Sometimes all we need is a little faith.......