Re-Stricted

I'm officially the worst students' nightmare. I quoted a colleague 'I think you are the strictest one, look at the grades you gave' Another colleague was shaking his head when he looked at the same grades and uttered 'GILA'. Well I'm not talking about exam grades plang I'm talking about personal inter-skills grades that we assess the students by observation and few other things. The same person also said 'Be LENIENT!!!' when he handed me my papers after the exam. When I come to think about it, if I were to have a lecturer like myself, I'll hate him/her for sure. Then again, its not like I wanted to give them low grades on purpose I'm assessing them on what I think they deserved. And somehow others think they deserve better. SiGh!! This is the donwside of having different lecturers assessing the same skills. Some students can easily score with one lecturer but not the other. I reckons that if my students were assessed by a different lecturer they might have a higher marks. Oh well, I was being honest when I was assessing them so thats okay. Humph!! How can we make everyone happy?

I'm enjoying the weather for the past few days. Its been awesome!! Haha so much reminds me of UK. I love the cold, don't know why. I'm just plain weird. The office is freakingly cold which really adds to the winter atmosphere I'm enjoying at the moment. And the view outside my window are just perfect. Green trees against the darken skies. Perfecto!! What's missing is my hot latte. Hmm!

The girls and I (and man!) are going swimming (and snorkeling) later after work. Haha! This should be interesting. Let's just hope there aren't a lot of people so there'll be little embarrasment. Kweng! Kweng! I need to go hiking one of these days, I'm getting so unfit. I'm so unfit that I'm going to crawl my way out of this post. Dragg.................

Do you know the real story or do you prefer the lies??

Work-less

I hate it when I have less classes to do. It makes me more lazy! Dreadful monday classes haven't start, not for my part anyway. So I'm left with assisting another colleague and my laziness is kicking in. I shouldn't sit here trying to decide whether I to go and help him in his class which is starting soon or not. I don't have a choice. Its my job albeit a very donkey like one but still its a job. As Izzie of GA says 'We are interns. Saving lives is not optional' Not that I'm an intern or even work in the medical profession in that perspective. And instead of saving lives I'll be building lives?? No?! Hehe A dear lecturer once told me, this teaching profession we are in, it concerns with the future. The future of our students, our families and our nations. Aiseyman! Cringey-moment! But, when I come to think about it, there's so much valid truth in it. It is a very difficult job.

My office was freezing cold today. Even the corridor was inhabitable hehe...a good reason to have a warm cup of caramel latte. Nyummyy!! Ayte, this is it folks. Thats all my entry for today. Haha! Kan main Risk ku dulu. Toodles

The perfect cry.....................

Ordinary Day

Its been a busy busy day today. Huargh!! I'm just glad the day is almost over. Nothing much is interesting today. Well, ada plang but not personally to me though so it been an ordinary day, busy but ordinary. Gadong was interestingly quiet today, not like the hectic Gadong we all came to know. And its payday for money's sake so shouldn't people be jolly and merry cruising around or shop?

Anyway, I'm gonna end it here. Still have things to do. Should be more availabe in the next couple of day God willing. Toodles lovers.

She said 'Its hard to accept the end when you're too close'. Indeed!

The Other Side of Luck

For the past couple of days, I've been feeling not quite myself. I'm really really lost. And its seems now, I'm running out of luck in almost everything. Well, life is a wheel, we have our ups and downs. So I'm ok..just hoping that the wheel will turn faster this time.

Had the handball association pro-team meeting yesterday afternoon and game session after that. The intended time for the meeting and game was at 4 and 5 respectively. But since we are proud bruneians, the meeting didn't start until 45 minutes later. So almost halfway in the meeting, the others had already begun with their warm ups and training session leaving us drooling and sulking from above in the meeting room. Which reminds me, I so need to do a lot of basic handball training again. Get myself familiar with the ball handling and all. Shmuckk!!

I don't know why but I was so craving for muffins and brownies yesterday, probably from all the name-food calling Minsgter and I do. So yeah, dragged her along since its partly her fault on our quest to find good muffins and brownies in Brunei. Went to Sheraton but they don't have any yesterday then off we went to FleurDeLys in Kiarong. The banana muffin was nice, so was the brownies and the chocolate caramel cake was to die for. Hehehe! But the brownies didn't really solve my long term craving problems cos its benchmark is Coffee Republic's brownies and muffins. So I'm still on my quest to find one that can match the All-Great CR brownies :)

Injured my index finger during training yesterday, kepunan brownies kali. Huehue its all wrapped up now to keep it straight. Don't want more cacat fingers now do we? Hehe I so got tackled so many many times during the game as well. I so determined to be equally ganas in the next session...hehe if you can stop them, join them.

So you think I'm unlucky enough not to get unlucky. Think again! Car battery decided to fail on me this morning. Have to fork out a good $120 from my worn out wallet. Seems like there's a new kind of battery in town, like a hybrid kind, and the conventional one was nowhere to be found. Well, we only went to 2 workshops plang but yeah. I'm an old fashioned person, I get anxious with new things. The advantage of the new kind over the old one is that it need not to be replaced yearly like the common one. But then replacable thing is good cos it can be replace right? Haha! Apakan! The first thing that came to my mind when I was told that it doesn't need replacing was 'Oh God! Its PERMANENT!!' Such a commitment freak remark. Will talk to the agent the next time I send the big baby for a service.

On a lighter note, its lunch time so I'm gonna go excuse myself :)

Time is not the healer, love is...............

A Second Chance

The students are having their resit exams today. I hope they'll do well...at least better than the first one. I've told them what they need to know to know, what they need to do to pass the resit so the ball is in their court right now. Hopefully, the play the game right. Hehe! Its funny cos the last thing I said to them was 'If you panicked!! Take a deep breath and relax!' which I think the students do get all sweaty and jittery sitting for the exam, my papers especially.

I need to sort out few things today but looks like my schedule are all packed. Then we might check in to Empire today. Strawberry milkshake, how?? We in or we in not? Haha! Ohhh! way the by! way the by! somebody has been naughty naughty yesterday at the swimming pool. So I was told. Uhuks Uhuks!! Watch this space........apakan!

Before I go further (not that I'm planning to post a long entry but who knows!) Happy ...th Birthday to Teeeeee. The only happy person that I know. She's always laughing and smiling, nda pernah bad mood kali ia ani. Hehehe! May you have a great year and good things to come your way.

Looking forward for hockey session afterward. Heh! Its been ages and I need to get my fitness, or whats left of it, back on track. The league is to start in the early part of this year so there's little time to get prepare for everything. Sad to say, even harder to admit that I think I've lost some of my touch. What do you expect, I'm getting old. Hahaha!! Not that old, I'm still young but being a month older is still getting old right. Hahaha! denial denial denial! I wonder why it wasn't my middle name. Talking about this old thing, macam people say, you get a year wiser when you get a year older. However!! Why don't I feel that way? I'm feeling more like a year older a year bimbo-er! Hahaha!! Stupidity does NOT grow old with you...you hair does. But thats another story, too depressing to talk about now. We'll wait another 5 years to talk about it. Hahaha ^_^

Ayte, I'm gonna go and count my elderly hair. LoL!!

Barely clutching to a piece of dream...........

Quotomatic Machine: Pain

"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop"

Meredith Grey in Grey's Anatomy

That's Life!!

I have been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting lately... since a couple of weeks ago to be exact. Don't ask why? I'm clueless myself. The reflection are mostly on 'What's my purpose now?' or 'Is THIS my life?' and countless other questions. I'm lost and I'm still trying to find myself. But I was thinking, all these years of my life, what have I achieved that I can be proud of. Well, there's quite a few or a lot though. I think!!! *thinks further* siGh! I'm not sure if those are achievements that one can be proud of. Cos for me, its still not enough. Now, thats positive don't you think? But somehow its depressing cos there's so much I wanted to do and yet I'm stagnant. Like a dead fly on a lake, lying still relative to the lake, drifting only to its current, if there's any in that case. That's how I'm feeling right now.

I had a brief conversation with my head and a couple of senior colleagues this morning. Looks like I'm not going anywhere this year. My postgraduate application will not be entertained, in fact, its gonna be ignored and left somewhere unsigned waiting for it to rot. No! I'm not bitter. Just being dramatic. Hehe! :) I knew my chances were slim but to actually know now and deal with it now is somehow heartbreaking. Awwuuu! Heartbroken ku ni..to the max! Serious!! Oh well, there's a good behind every bad right......

On a similar but totally different note (Heh!!) I'm very thankful for my family and few good friends, the bond that we have among us. I cried everytime I reflect on my past, especially my turbulent relationship with my mum and my siblings as the victim of my anger and frustrations. I was the most difficult, ignorant and selfish person. It still is a struggle to me, to be a better person, though I have to say I have improved over the past couple of years. There are times when I regretted my behaviour, what I have done but I can only cringe and cry and hope to never do it again. But we never quite learn our lesson. So I had my days when I'll cry my heart's out, full of regrets, and tried to mend things little by little. Yet, it is still a long journey..... Haha! random kah? Huehue!!

Right, I'm gonna end this...........

Quotomatic Machine: Forgiveness

"It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own"

Jessamyn West

Dead Sleepy Meat

Oh God! That long! I'm back if you haven't noticed :p It has been so long that the tagboard account has been deleted. Haha! Bloody mary!! I think I've lost the blogging touch haha...I'm actually clueless on what to write. Or maybe there are so many to talk about but I just don't know where to start. Maybe I'm still in my holiday mood, too lazy to do anything. Hahaha! Yatah bah!

I won't talk about my holiday in KL as people tend to get surprised with my response to their 'How's KL??' Hahaha! People will never understand unless they know the whole situation which they wouldn't know cos I'm not telling them hehe so yeah... :)

So today is my first day at work this year..after 24 days of sleeping, gaming, eating and couch potato-ing and I'm still fuzzy. Slept around 3 last night thanx to the addictive Football Manager. Its funny cos it says something like 'Call your boss and ask for more sick leave' on the addictiveness level. Oh man! I'm beyond help! I was surprised that the plant that I have in the office was still alive after more than 24 days since the last time I watered it and not to mention no sunlight at all. Haha! Its surviving pretty well actually but it looks less healthy tho. The flowers are a pale shade of pink and the leaves are pale as well.

Next time tell me to take leave until at least a day spent at work before the semester reopens. I found myself sitting here thinking over and over again. 'What the hell am I doing here?' Haha! And its bad because I'm actually lost...very lost!!! Oh! I only had a look at the timetable for this semester this morning and it sucks really bad!! I'm fully loaded on mondays! MONDAYS!!!!! Thats the day after the weekend. I barely survived with one lecture how can I survived the whole day?? And you think thats bad! Well....this full schedule that I have on mondays...urmm its all for the same subject. Hahaha! So not only I'm fully occupied on MONDAYS but I have to deal with MATHS as well!! Whats even worse is that, I have 3 early morning classes in a week. It makes me sleepy just thinking about it Huehuehue!! I'm a dead meat. This is the most painful welcome-back-to-work thing anyone can ever have. Haha! Nadalah, I'm actually okay..its actually not as bad and I'm still convincing myself. Oh yeah! I also got official jemputan to something as well...hahaha!! the day just gets better and better.......

Anyways, I think I'm gonna end this early morning post til here. I know its 9.16am and its not early, but it certainly is for me...still! :)

In another life I knew you.............

Welcome Back Blogger!

Hahaha! Finally!! I'm connected! I know this is sooo long overdue but what the heck! Happy Eid Adha and New Year everyone. Hahaha! So I'm currently at Manjaro with the duo. We are done with our task so I'm taking this golden opportunity of wireless access and unattended pc to post my first entry of the year 2007.

So to recap briefly on my last days of 2006, well...we stayed at Empire for two nights. Had two great days of full relaxation with great companies. Anyway, don't have time to talk more on this as I need to get 'my bummies up quickly' hahaha! Have swimming date with Mingster at JPMC soon. Minx, banar!! I'm also waiting for my latte. Ahhhh! its here and its hot. Huehue!

You think you have forever but you don't....................