Poet's Life III

Feelings

There must be a wound!
No one can be this hurt
and not bleed.

How could she injure me so?
No marks
No bruise

Worse! People say 'My, you're looking well'
…..God help me!
She's mummified me -
ALIVE!

by Spike Milligan

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Hope Is The Thing

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

by Emily Dickinson

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Acquainted With The Night

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain — and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
A luminary clock against the sky

Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

by Robert Frost

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Myself

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
The kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

by Edgar Albert Guest

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In The Depths Of Solitude

I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
constantly yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
never comprising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret

A young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
how can I be in the depths of solitude
when there r 2 inside of me
this duo within me causes
the perfect oppurtunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity

by Tupac Shakur

Quotomatic Machine: Universe

"We go about our daily lives understanding almost nothing of the world. We give little thought to the machinery that generates the sunlight that makes life possible, to the gravity that glues us to an Earth that would otherwise send us spinning off into space, or to the atoms of which we are made and on whose stability we fundamentally depend. Except for children (who don't know enough not to ask the important questions), few of us spend much time wondering why nature is the way it is; where the cosmos came from, or whether it was always here; if time will one day flow backward and effects precede causes; or whether there are ultimate limits to what humans can know."

Carl Sagan
From an introduction to "A Brief History of Time" by Stephen Hawking

Saturday Blues

Yawn! This post graduate thing is getting into my head. Slept around 2am last night contemplating what to take and where to do it. Hmm! Process engineering sounds interesting tia jua but its less fun and intriguing in comparison to the energy course. Yatah guna nya sembahyang istikarah nie..huehuehue!

Anyways, on a handballing note, somehow I'm not looking forward to the handball session today because of the fucking pondan maggots from the pondans land. I have a feeling that they are going to drag more armies today. Hahaha drag ani bah...it has double meaning!! How can they not get it kan, its for girls only bah...REAL GIRLS with REAl BOOBS and REAL ASSETS. Besides, its kinda like a private team punya training and they definitely are not in the team so can't they just leave us alone and drag their make up kit and fake boobs and whatever it is to hide their thing somewhere else?? Hahaha! We don't have to wear make up to be girls!! Hahaha..this is a real attack on them I know, I'm sorry but they are just pissing me off so much. Before this I was so neutral and even sometimes I'm their devil's advocate but this is what you get for being bitches..urm fake bitches!

I came across this one quote that says something like 'Don't try to write miserable things as what you wrote transmit to your readers'. Haha! Well, I'm not taking any responsibilities on that. You read at your own risk. So if you tend to hate pondans nowadays well I guess I have nothing to comment about that except, they really deserve it. *evil grins* However, isn't that what writing is all about, you write something and people reads it, and the reader should feel or at least get what the writer is writing about. Right? So I guess that statement would mean, you write miserable thing and you are responsible for all the miserable happenings in the world?? Not in this imperfect world.

Today is my last day at work this year. I'll have 24 days of stress free days and I can do whatever I wanna do. Not exactly. I can hope to do whatever I want to do freely. Huehue! So expect a very very long hiatus from yours truly. Will try to post few entries from wherever.

In case I'm not able to post sometimes before new year, bare in mind, I did try very hard to, so I wanna wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope that the new year will bring more joy and meaningful sorrow to us all :)

"At rest, however, in the middle of everything is the sun" Nicolaus Copernicus

Choices and Decision

Looking for a uni and the right course is so very difficult. I know what I wanted to do but I'm not sure if its useful to Brunei or not. Or at least relevant to what I'm doing now. I've searched for the courses offered, and each of the courses I've looked at is different from each other though they are all similar. But the more I read through the courses detail the more I noticed that I might stray a bit from the field of mechanical engineering towards environmental and civil. Hehe! I've contacted a few unis, namely Southampton, Sheffield, Loughborough, Melbourne and Auckland. At the moment I can't really make up my mind, so I'm just gonna apply and deal with them when its time to deal with it.

At the moment, all the courses I'm interested in are in the areas of renewable and sustainable energy, but then process engineering sounds interesting jua. Sigh! Why does it have to be so difficult? I know why! Haha! Well, its a matter of life jua ni kan, my future depends on whatever course I take. But its important to take the courses that I'll enjoy plang and I really wanted to do this energy course. Its gonna a continous thing as, if I took energy courses then surely for my PhD, insyaAllah, its gonna be in the same field. So whatever course I decided to choose now, that it kinda shape my whole career life from there right. Hmm! But yeah, I'm not sure plang jua if I'm able to do my Masters next year cos the competition are very tough.

I'm currently at Manjaro with the duo surfing for unis and courses and emailing the admission people. I've booked and paid for my ticket to KL online whehehe so its confirmed. I'm going to KL in January. Okay..I'm running out of time. The duo is getting impatient. Heeeee....

"In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can" Kazantzakis

My Thank Yous

I would like to thank all my friends, relatives and siblings on the birthday greetings. Really appreciate it guys, thanks again for the thoughts.

Special Thanks for your beautiful thoughts:

Thanks to my brother Phad for the birthday wish al the way from Vietnam
Thanks Minx for the beautiful thoughts.
Hehe! Thanx to Nora and Ida Babe for the lunch treat.
and Thank you for being the first one to wish me a happy birthday.

Poet's Life II

Thoughts Of Silence

Silent whispers flow through your mind
forever leaving their trace behind.
The mind runs wild so scarce and loose
where thoughts are stored till further use.
For what you see looks dark with fear
the shadowed view cannot be clear.
It borrows space which days once used
at night those dreams seem so confused.
Release your thoughts to cleanse your soul
to live your life in its sane role.
The test of strength and ties that bind
in time unfolds and will unwind.
The truth shall rise for all to see
those words were true to you from me.

Carmen T. Norris
Copyright ©2006 Carmen T. Norris

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Farther than the moon

Great Music to get you through.
It's all that I love besides you.
I'll sit here in the dark.
Listening to those words that cure my heart.
I just wish you were here with me.
To just hold me and make me see.
That what I do is imaginary
that you really do love me.
The funny thing about love is ...
It comes in degrees.
It gets greater when teased.
Now, that I know this
will I find that one whom I please.
I hope so soon.
Because my love is farther now than the moon.

Michelle Patricia Clancy
Copyright ©2006 Michelle Patricia Clancy

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Truth in the Eyes

She creates them to guard her like soldiers,
protecting her from the war of her past.
No one sees how she changes
like the frequent metamorphosis of clouds.
In her mind, life is only a stage;
her roles evolve to match each play.
As them, she doesn't have to be her;
she can disclaim the particle girl who resembles nothing.
Her name is simply a question;
her identity is a castaway ship impaired by tribulations.
In speculation that icy reality will soon find her,
she cloaks herself with a thick coat of pretense.
As she looks in the mirror
she pretends she is not
the truth in the eyes of her reflection.

Christina Terry
Copyright ©2006 Christina Terry

A Brush of Fate

WARNING: What I'm talking about you will not know. It is not what you are thinking. So don't try to understand it. Just let me say whatever I wanted to say here :)

I want a certain thing so bad...but I can't have it. SiGh!! Or maybe I can..but it will take such a long time to. Or maybe I can't at all. Hmm! You all should already know that its always the case when you want something so bad but you can't have it. And the least thing you want is the one you always get. No! I'm not talking about birthday gifts...go deeper!! :)

Ever seen something that was so beautiful, it fixated you in that moment and does that thing with you heart? Somehow, you are drawn to this stranger and you don't even know why. I have! It sounds somewhat pathetic I know, but sometimes I found myself being hopelessly hopeful.

Anyways, I always find myself taking some things for granted. Or maybe I was just oblivious to things that sometimes I regret myself for not giving it enough thoughts. Not long ago, I took someone for granted then when things fall apart, well it was too late to do anything. Leaving me with questions for myself and answers that will never satisfies. Now, I found myself again in a situation. How can I not see back then when I could have gotten something out rather than hoping and waiting for a little fortuitous possibility of divine intervention. Why is that after a moment has passed that only we start to gather our thoughts and feel what we should have felt back then. So that we can appreciate those moment and kinda live in it. Get it? No? Haha nevermind. Don't expect you to. Anyhow, I'm hoping to be lucky........whenever, it doesn't really matter.

That face has a name...........

Family Matters

I'm a happy bunny tonight! The family cut their trip a day short and is now back home. The house is back to its usual lively atmosphere. I got a feeling they cut it short just to be there for my birthday. Awww sweet!! They brought back loads of durian and I'm so bloated eating those. Guess I'll have to live with the itchiness tonight as I can't take any medicine now, can I? Had a series of Winning 11 match with my youngest brother Hein, won 4 out of 5 matches, hahaha he was so pissed for losing, at one stage he bit the controller all his might. Yeah!! Like that's gonna help!!

When will it end?

Attack of the Pondans!!

Handball SUCKS yesterday!!! Like more pondans are joining courtesy of the other pondans in the pondans land. Jeezz!! I have nothing against them or anything, but its just too much. And if you ever been around pondans then you know how bossy and shameless they can be. Completely shameless I tell ya! They even dare to interfere with our training, one incident this one pondan, I'm gonna call him Mama-pons just left the training cos HE wants to play volleyball. Like what? Its annoying really cos its affecting the others bah. I know you'd say just continue the training but then this is the training where we were individually numbered so we have to make passes to a specific number. So kalau si Mama-pons and her kuncu2 left then we have to start over again jua tu. Then when they wanted to join us back we have to do the same thing. Sial man those amphibians! Hahaha! Amphibians cos of dua alam.

This one time Mama-pons took some beeps from the beep bag without asking. Mcm belabih banar! Seriously man! How annoying can they be? I mean I respect their confidence and high self-esteem but can you please be a little considerate? And during the game all they wanted to do is score eventhough the defenders had their hands up in the air blocking their shots. Play the game properly man, pass the ball around look for the weakest point, or a lapse in the defending. Ani nda, they just barged in like they usually do. They didn't even listen to anyone not even the coaches. Lately, the girls are frustrated with them and their game are deteriorating. I know I speak for myself and the rest that we present yesterday. We need to do something! Tie them up and send them back to the cave kali. Jeeezzzz!

I've been quite busy today, sorting out my students' project and some other things. I'm gonna apply to do a post-graduate course next year. The deadline is mid February so I have about a week to sort out my course and uni of choice so I can send them my application. Haiyaaaa!! Its very difficult to find a postgraduate course from here. Tried surfing the internet few times but then most of the information given are not in details. Besides, I haven't really make up my mind of what course I want to do. I'm interested in Renewable Energy plang, and I'm sure its very useful in Brunei but I couldn't find sufficient information on the course and university that offers the course. I'm thinking of going to Australia, Melbourne to be specific, but then I couldn't find information on such course at the university there. Humph!! Susah susah!

Minx and I are going for a golf-drive this afternoon after work. To release all the tension from, surprisingly or not, handball! Yes! handball is driving us nuts at the moment. Bad nuts! SiGh! I'm gonna continue with my surf now.

I hope to see you, you weren't there.........

Quotomatic Machine: Love

"And she's driven by love! The world moves around love. It kneels before it in awe"

The Elder Character in The Village

Scratching My Way Through Today

Alhamdulillah, the family has safely arrived in KK about an hour ago. They sounded excited and I'm feeling much better now *scracth* I guess I can live with the loneliness of life and boredom of a quiet home. Humph! Turns out 21 is also home alone, abandoned by her Temburing bound family. Haha! But in her case its even worse as she is really really home alone *scratch*

I'm going to KB tomorrow for my SWE visit. Nora has agreed to come with me so it should be fun. We'll have time to catch up then along the journey. Its been ages since we have a decent conversation. Back in the old days, she was the one person I call late at night to talk and gossip. She was also at the receving end of my poetic moment. Haha! I had so much good memories with this friend of mine *scratch* And its amazing how we are still together, as in friends and in close proximity, ermmm more controversial! Well actually, we were classmates since high school, both went to MD, then to the UK, and now we are working at the same place. So thats what I meant. Though we don't see each other everyday but it kinda feels good lah to have an old familiar face from your childhood around *scratch* Like a comforting blanket gitu, eventhough you don't use it but it feels good to have it on your bed sort of thing. Like a calamine lotion to an itchy skin gitu *scratch scratch* Make sense? Probably not..... :p

The itch is not getting any better. bought Calamine lotion tadi but its not doing anything. My aunt told me that its 'guligata'. Dunno what its english name is. Heh! Took some kind of pill to ease the itch, it work for a good one hour and now I'm back to scratching myself. Nora said that I didn't look like I'm itching when we had the visit at The Mall tadi. I guess if I were to really follow my needs, what I wanted to do then, I'm sure she wouldn't dare show her face at The Mall ever again *scratch*

Counting scratch marks........

Home Alone (Kinda!!)

The family left for KK early this morning, leaving me, my sister and hubby and the amah at home. Woke up to a quiet house this morning...I'm so not liking it at all. I miss the usual noises from the tv early in the morning the most. Hehe! It makes you feel alive not to wake up to a quiet environment, don't you think? While the family is enjoying themselves, I'm gonna be doomed in silence and loneliness. They'll be back on Thursday though but it seems so far away bah. Boring eh!! Sux! That'll be 4 days of no family lunch/dinner, no PS2 games with my youngest brother and no that warmth family chilling session in front of the tv. SiGh!! I hope they bring back some burger kings! :) It was a last minute trip and my leave will only start next week so obviously I can't join them. Even if I take some emergency leave pun I kinda can't cos I have few things to sort out before my leave. This is why early and proper planning is always wise and preferable so that no sad person, even though you might think they deserve it, is doomed to a not-so-fun alternative.

*Scratch* I think I'm having an allergic reaction to something, can't figure out what exactly, not yet. I was hoping it would be a one night thing but the itch kinda got worse this morning after I took my shower. Thats the weird thing you see, the itch got worse after I took my shower last night jua. I don't think I'm allergic to the shower gel though cos I've been using it before. Besides its anti-bacterial, so I figure maybe the shower gel trigger the allergy more since its anti bacterial. Berasas kah tu point ku atu?? Haha berasas ani wah. Heeee Another thing is that, the itchy areas were red last night, mcm ada little red spots but today no red spots but the itch..lets just say I've got scratch marks all over me. Hahahahaha!! And you might say, gatal gatal nya sampat jua mempost ah! Don't you know blogging took away the itchiness off my mind for a bit? :p

Anyway, congrates again to Yaso and Adnan for their bersanding yesterday. They are so perfect for each other. Almost shed tears yesterday but managed not to. Hehe! Their future kids will be lucky cos they'll have so many Godmothers i.e. the Kiranas. In fact, all the future Kiranas generation will be lucky. I hope we, as uncle keep on saying, stick together, don't ever fall apart.

Saturday's handball session was just alright. Its boring to have guys play in the game, even worse if the guy is totally, how shud I say it ah, mengambang? Haha can you believe it this one guy he was dribbling and playing as if he was playing against guys and us girls were like bah hantam tah ko di sana! Funny thing is, he was the only guy yang ikut main. Boleh lagi! Mcm that did so much to raise your male ego huh?? Hahaha sad! Really sad! There's a new maggot in town ladies and gentleman. Mcm the other guys we usually play with, they normally will only help us with the tactics and attacking strategy but they do let the girls play. But this one guy, oh God! what a jerk! Bukan plang kami impress but the total opposite adalah....Euiiiiiii!! Shame!!

To add salt to injury, we got a couple of 'dua alam' people playing with us too. Not that I have anything against them plang its just that, next time, can you be a little...ermmm SOFTER?? physically softer please. I know you are a girl deep inside and you want to be a girl so next time you play, can you play like a girl as well. U know, don't use the male brawn you still have in you. Sakit bah when 'youuuu' tertampar my.........hahaha! Seriously!! I was so molested during the game. The same person kinda elbow my chest as well. Since she's naturally and physically gifted as a man, the power she had when she shoot the ball is unimagiable for a girl, especially for one trying to block the shots. My hands were sore and one of my fingers got distorted when someone was trying to force the ball away from my hand but kinda push it INWARDS my hand instead..specifically, the middle fingers. Had to wrap a stick around it to make it straight otherwise, cacat tia karang. Didn't go to the doctor though, its a DIY recovery thing hahaha. Eyan kinda did a check up through the phone for any fractures and the results sounded okay plang. Though the sore is still there but I think its getting better. Heh!! Seems like everything is not good for me at the moment. But I'm thankful nonetheless *scratch*

Handball session tomorrow!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee...................

I miss them already........ :(

So Little Time

Can't wait for handball this afternoon. The last time we had handball was on tuesday. I know it doesn't seem that long but hell man! it definitely is thaaaat loooooong. I was already getting all fidgety yesterday. Hahaha! Kepisan! Umi and Yanti is away in Singapore at the moment so don't really know who's gonna handle us today but hopefully Jimmy will be there. And we are praying hard for the court to be available. Last time even though we booked the court days before, some rude people still play netball until around 7 pm. So.....yatah bah!

There's still much to do with work. Don't even have time to post properly and I know its getting boring. Haiyaaa!! Hence, I'm taking a long leave after the christmas holiday til the end of January. Can't wait to get away from all this madness. Its wearing me out.

Some people are just so pathetic.............

Bad Bad Day!

What a day it has been? It was packed with work and to make matter a bit worse, had some sort of arguement with a colleague. There's no easy way out in life huh! It a difficult day to deal with people especially. Huarghhh! I'm still stuck at the office though, have to cancel my plan to go to Temburong. Fucken darn!! I'm so pissed!! Seriously...

Don't push my button......

Pure Exhaustion

Handball was really really exhausting yesterday's evening. Nonetheless, it was fuckintastic to the max!! Haha excuse me for the swear words..I don't know why but I tend to use these kinda words regularly now. Anyway, we had more time for training yesterday while waiting for half of the court to be available. Too bad I wasn't in the same team as the gang but that didn't stop my team from winning hahahahaha :p

Okay enough of that, I have been busy lately preparing stuffs for the first general CIPTA meeting this saturday. But the good thing is that I've been given a colour printer in my office. At least mcm mewah jua kan my office. Haha I'm definitely enjoying the extra facilities tho the asst. did warn me not to misuse it. Bila jua?? *winks* I'm supposed to be in a meeting now but then given how busy I am today I'm sure the others will excuse me. Now, I'm just taking a quick break. Yeah right!

Oh God! Its going to be a long week this one. Tomorrow we are going to Temburong for the Lionesses outing. Saturday's gonna be a busy day with the general meeting. Afternoon lagi we have handball, then the secret affair at night..Teheee!!! Oh man! I'm totally drained this week, no surprises there huh. Don't even have time for thoughts...Shmuck! Thank God for Anna Nalick! And she sings.........

'No one can find the rewind button now...............'

Occupied

Been BUSY today. So excuse me...

Another day..........

Welcome Home Wano!!

Cousin Wano is coming back today, she should be here in Brunei by now. Must be sleeping that crazy bum. Will be having a family gathering at her place tonight, no bbq unfortunately. Just a little thanksgiving dinner and probably a lot of catching up to do. Heeeee! So welcome home Wano, tho u came back without my cds and ball but I still love you nonetheless. Jeeez..its time to go home now. Toodles beautifuls.

Never look back.................

Ball Handlers

Thursday handball session was kick as fantastic. There weren't any invited teams and we had so much fun playing among ourselves. Inamoto and Asmah came for the first time and they are attached with the game instantly. Haha told you babe. I told you!! Maggot was there too. Funny thing is, Minx kinda told me of a good news as soon as I saw him, and my reaction wasn't the one she expected. I was like 'Oh Ok!' Hahaha wrong timing babe! Then when we were inside, she again mentioned the same thing, and I was like 'Minx, you told me already' Hahaha talk about being cold huh! I realised that I was getting bitter to the people around me for my hatred towards Maggot. I react fast emotionally bah! Then I came up with a solution after noticing that he seemed to be friends. I was going to try and see Maggot in a new light. Apakan!

I got me thinking, what if we started off the wrong foot last time. Not that it does matter plang if we are good or not but you know for the sake of my future handball career (Yeah right! LoL) session I mean, at least I should give people a chance right. Not that he has any significant in my life, but you know what I mean. So as soon as I put myself in a very neutral mode, I tend to see that he is not bad at all...I mean his personality was a bit better than the first time I saw him. He wasn't patronising at all.

Even at the end of the session, I was talking to Jimmy and he bugged into our conversation and say something like 'Next time you should try to bounce the ball when you shoot it will be harder for the keeper' Yes! Minx I remember now!! Hahaha anyway, mcm I'll take that as a compliment from him so it was all good. So the morale of this story is that, first impression can be deceitful and most of the time it is. And I'm not saying that he's now a nice guy cos I don't know him at all, I 'm just saying its funny how you can see people in a different light if you let yourself to. Maybe jua, the last time atu, we were prying on each others' pride, maybe we were just being defensive to something that is unfamiliar. At least I'm looking forward to my handball session again. Teheeee!! You learnt something new everyday.

Yesterday we went to Berakas Beach for our beach parties..both the colleagues and the Lionesses'. I have two beach party going on at the same time. It took us, the colleagues, an hour to start a fire. LoL! Org bandar banar. The Lionesses made their fire way faster than us. High survival skills banar! ;) The day was unsuitable for a picnic cos it kept on raining. At the beginning the rain was tolerable, at least we still managed to cook our food, under the umbrellas. Hehe! Then it started to rain heavily, we saw the stormy clouds in a distance already coming in from the sea and the Lionesses decided to pack up and go somewhere. Someone's house to be exact. Hehe! So my place was the closest, and by closest, I really mean it, and off we go..back to my place to continue our remaining 'beach picnic'. We watched DVDs while waiting for the rain to subdue and then continued our barbecue outside at the porch. The colleagues stayed at the beach tho, at least they found shelter and continued on til late in the afternoon. Hehe!

Darn! Have a meeting in 5 minutes. Toodles sunburnt people.......

Poet's Life I

Moments In Time

Somewhere in our memories
We look back in our despair
Tracing through the etchings
Which time has held so dear

Searching for the rapture
Trials not so perplex
Elated by convention
Disregard as moments pass

Unwinding within pathways
Each fate as it unfolds
Inevitable boundaries
To each one, take their toll

Another epoch passes
Visions stored for thought
Unconsciously we're passing
Cherished moments time has brought

Sally Ann Zaccone Graffeo
Copyright ©2006 Sally Ann Zaccone Graffeo

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Going Out

Close the door behind you when you leave
and turn the key.
I shall stay here
in the dark for a while.
Or maybe a little longer.
I'll put my thoughts
in a small wooden box by the fire
and watch the flames
as they curl over
the three bars.
When you come back
I will be waiting.
Nothing will have changed
except for the small pile of ash
in the chair by the window
where you left me.

Natasha Haigh
Copyright ©2006 Natasha Haigh

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No Answers

I'm tired of trying to figure out
I'm sick of building my life's bridges
To reach the one's I care about most
Cause they're who I hurt the worst

I have no answers for the questions I can't forget
No answers for the questions I can't think
No answers to give myself,
No answers to give anyone else

What I need is what I can never have
What I get is what tears me inside
The harder I try, the harder it becomes
The more I try to correct my mistakes, the more I make

I have no answers for the questions everyone asks
No answers for the questions I should ask
No answers for you and no answers for me

Jeremy Brock
Copyright ©2006 Jeremy Brock

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Friends and Foe

Hockey session on Thursday afternoon was fucking great. Your memory does not deceived you, yes! its was pouring quite heavily on Thursday afternoon. What can say but that the Lionesses are ultimately hockey addicts, hopeless hockey addicts. We were soaking wet by the end of the session, thanks to the rain and Sia for making us do push ups and sit ups on the rain drenced turf. Nonetheless, we were all in great spirits. By the way, I think I've found my penalty stroke technique already. Coolness! Hehe!

I dreamt of Tomas Rosicky and Keira Knightley on thursday night. Haha! Boleh lagi? They text message me saying that they'll be coming to Brunei and wants to hang out. Hang out!! With Rosicky and Knightley ladies and gentlemen. Anyway, Rosicky is a footballer with the Czech Republic. He's one of the best playmaker in the world and scored 2 goals in the last world cup, both from outside the penalty box.

Tomas Rosicky

Congratulations to Yaso and Adnan on their nikah yesterday. One down more to go. Haha! Its funny cos Lymah's dad keep asking us who's next? Hahaha people usually get that from family members. Anyway, Lymah's family is like the official Kirana's family anyway so its cool, we are not offended or anything. In fact, it was the other way around, cos we know Uncle care so much about us and he meant good. He did say something to us about to maintain the bond we have among us. He mentioned that during raya as well so he must be serious and hopeful about it.

We are having a handball session this afternoon. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm not entirely thrilled with today's session. Big Maggot kinda ruined my handball enthusiasm for me so I'm looking forward to not seeing him again in any future handball session. Heh!

My colleagues and I are going to the beach tomorrow. Whehee!! Its PARTT-TTAAYYYY time people. The Lionesses are also going the last time I heard, so its gonna be double fun. Its gonna be a hell of a weekend...and a hell of a monday as well. The internal and exam board meeting is on monday and tuesday respectively. Hahaha! We all are going to look sunburnt nie..seriously! Haha!!

Eh! I was wondering bah if Amazing Race Asia is coming to Brunei. If they are, it will be interesting to see what challenges Brunei has to offer to the contestants. Making kites? Go the oil and gas industry? Temburong? Or make them participate in the fun run tomorrow, haha 5km in the Brunei Marathon. Heh! Enough ramblings.....

Edit: I'm gonna post some poems as a reading pleasure through the weekend :)

A wise man will know when to stop.................

Quotomatic Machine: An Open Sink

"You pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain! Anything you say runs right out..."

Meredith of Grey's Anatomy

Dreamers

Dreamers

They fly across the shadows
mere echoes in the wind
Each of them alone,
together nothing to defend
Intangible, they taunt this world
just beyond it's reach
Like brazen midday sunlight
upon a virgin beach
They hold themselves
above the waves of turmoil and regret
On fearless new horizons,
their sight is always set
Destined to extend as one
this span of ageless thought:
Each and every dream fulfilled,
as long as it is sought.

Jesse Glen Turner
Copyright ©2006 Jesse Glen Turner

A Little Portion of Karma

"WHOOTTT!!!" was my exact reaction when this morning, on the way to work, the radio DJ reckoned that Britney Spears is still hot. I quote 'She still has it!' Really!! Has what?? I'm not a fan of hers, God forbid!, and I don't avidly follow her story but I don't think she still 'has it'. Her peak days is over, and now she's just a baby machine, K-Fed's white trash. Eventhough, she filed for a divorce from him, it doesn't really matter anymore. She ruined her reputation the minute she married him, so NO!! Miss DJ, she doesn't 'has it' anymore. I don't care who she slipped into the rest room with, be it Brandon Davis, NO!! she lost her 'has it' already. Okay, that was totally random...you didn't see that coming did you? Haha anyways..........

Had a conversation with Nur last night pasal my previous entry on my students. She asked me whether I was like them or not when I was in my studying days. Well, I was very naughty plang, no doubt about that but then I was serious when it comes to studying. Well, karma has its way of getting back at you, as my students are very very cheeky, and little times they do annoy me but then I still can take it. They made me smile once in a while and I don't mind that, honestly, I can take cheeky students as long as they want to learn. Awu ketulahan I know..gauk lagi masa belajar nah. God! I must have spell hell for my teachers. Hehe! So yeah, I do acknowledge these cheeky CHAAAIIIILD-REN as my karma.

However, there is another cluster of students who are just plain...how shall I say this...urmm lost?? They know they are weak, they know they don't understand any word your saying, they know that they need help and yet they never ask for it. Even worse, they never even take it when I offered my help. Furthermore, some students just doesn't take their study seriously, and it annoys me. Its frustrating really. I think, when one becomes an educator, he/she becomes a bit attached to the students, even though some can be plentiful of pain in the ass but, at the end of the day, its their life jua tu, and we always wanted to help them. And if we did everything, almost everything, to provide the knowledge to them, we can't do anything really if they are just weak or plain lazy, unless they have some initiation of their own. Right? I can't help them if they won't let me.

Thats the thing you see, an educator has to deal with both the humanistic and cognitive aspects of the students. I guess, no matter mad they drives me, it never beats the frustration of not being able to make them learn.

On an ending note, Man Utd qualified to the knock-out phase of the Champions League along with Barcelona. Wheeeeeeee!! Will be interesting to see who they'll play against at this stage. Ayte...

Everything that you thought was true became something else............

Just Another Day

Examination stuffs are all done. The marks has been moderated as well as discussed with the head. The attendance shit is also completed, everything is all entered to the IS system. Looks like I'm making the biggest cut, again, but will have to see the final results in the board meeting next week. So what now?

Before I gone further, me and Minx saw handball maggot at lunch today. Looking all maggot-ty as usual. Vain bastard!

So!! I'm not feeling quite myself today. I don't know why. Last night, I was rolling in and out of my sleep, and in my head I was doing things, but it didn't feel physically so. Its as if my soul is detached from my physical being. Nda plang kali but it sure felt that way. Or maybe I was hallucinating. But I wasn't high on anything. I was really weak and nauseated in the early morning. Almost resolve to wake mum up to bring me to the hospital but I kinda fell asleep deciding. Maybe I'm just too exhausted....

I've already applied to go out of the country for next week. Hopefully I can make it to our friday outing. Looks like its going to be a tight week, the next one. Even this weekend I'm packed with various engagements. I need a break!! Looking forward to tomorrow's hockey session though. There'll be some new faces, managed to convince some of the students to join. Hehe! Our intention is to send two teams for next year's national league and we need more players to do that. So if anyone is interested to join us, do let me know ayte ;) And please ah!! Don't tell me its dangerous. Its not!! Alum tau alum cuba! Hahaha!! Right 21?? :)

I don't see what you see, how different can I be? And why does it really matter, I'm just being me......

Fuzzy Day

Achoooooo... *blows nose* I'm gonna be sick. Tssskkk.. My head is heavy and all I can think of is sleep.

Will update later. As for now, I'm lost..........

Flying Hours...

WHAT!! Its almost 4.30 already!! God! I must be too indulged with work. U think so! Heh! So the student's marks are finalised already. Need to see the head to discuss the marks whether its acceptable or not. But I think it should be okay, since the marks are very consistent with each student's performance. Last year, I was very infamous for making the biggest cut *scissors' sounds* of students proceeding to the next semester. Well, its not that I wanted to it just happened that way. This year, looks like its gonna be the same...but they still can redeem themselves in the resit exam. Daym!! I need to prepare those. Urghhhh!!

Something really really funny happened today, but I won't say any more about it. However, Minx, I will always remember ;)

Ayte, I gotta pack up and go. Need to go home first to pick up my hockey gears. Toodles beautifuls....

I know where I am.................

One After Another

ITS ALL OVER!!!! WHEEEEE!! I'm done marking the exams finally. Still have a few markings to do though, late report submission. Heeeee! Why can't the students make my life easier once in a while. One or couple of days late is acceptable but this is like almost 2 weeks, how can they not care? At the end, we are the one who come to them and ask them to hand in their reports. Thats like perigi mencari timba..only it has nothing to do with marriage. Heh! Cemana kan maju Brunei nie? You tell me! I don't know anymore. Very frustrating!! Hehe...no no I'm not emotional just expressive. Heeeeeee....

It has been a consuming morning already and hopefully I can get the marks finalise by this afternoon. Got a text from the Lionesses' captain this morning, we are going to have a friendly game this afternoon. Something to look forward to at the end of today. So Minx, if we happen to have handball today please don't tell me, I don't wanna know..or do I? *thinking* Yes! Don't tell me please. Make my life easier hehehe! Don't want to contemplate over sports, I've enough cognition for today.

There's more waiting for me to do..............

Down Memory Lane..

The Brunei National Hockey League prize presentation ceremony was held yesterday, at the national hockey stadium. I wasn't there. The Lionesses told me it was boring, I didn't miss much except maybe I'd be missing in all the photos of that event. Heh! Schmuck!!

Had lunch with the Lionesses tadi, I haven't seen them for a weeks and already they seemed to have the holidays planned. We might have a beach gathering this weekend, which happens to coincide with another beach gathering which I'm also a part of. Managed to convince them to have it at the same place, if they were to have it this weekend. Or else, I'll have to go with the other gang for our beach gathering since we already have it all planned out since weeks. Next week, they are planning to go to Temburong to fish and prawn (fishing and prawning! Haha antam) and enjoy kampong life. Will have to think first, if I'll join them or not, but it sounds great plang...to escape hectic urban life and opt for a quiet and simple one even for a day. It'll be nice, to wake up to the birds chirping their morning songs, to bath in the cold fresh water, to wallow in the fresh air of the forests.......sounds like paradise.

I remember when I participated in a science camp back in 95, also in Temburong, they were participants from other countries as well. I enjoyed every moments of it, we did different activities and made a lot of friends. On the first day, we had to walk about 2 km to our campsite, dragging our heavy luggage on the muddy road. We also had to cross the river and climb up the high bank where our campsite was. We had a lot of fun putting up our tents too, there were 6 of us in each camp, there were 2 'villages', one for the boys and another for the girls.

The first time we spent the night there, we never go to the toilet alone. Luckily, they had a real toilet contructed hehe so we didn't have to dig and do business. Every night day and night we will have different activities and I guess that bonded us the participants even closer. One fateful night, the rain was falling heavily that I woke up to a wet face, the rain was dripping exactly on me, the camp must be bubus somewhere. Since, it was in the middle of the night, I resorted to somewhere dry and went back to dreamland. In the morning, we woke up and went out of the camp, and me and my friends were like..eh why is it so different ah the place *looks around* Guess what? The camp next to us collapsed! Haha! And the human beings inside were still sleeping. Hahaha!! That was classic. Fortunately, camps are made from plastics and few light metals, most likely steel as its skeleton, and the beings trapped inside were found alive...SNORINGly alive. The tenants told us that they knew their camp collapsed but since it was dark and raining, they had no choise but to continue sleeping and wait til the morning. Good ol' days are priceless.

Typhoon Durian is bringing heavenly weather to blissful Brunei Darussalam. I'm so liking the weather lately, makes me miss UK, its gale and parks. The park, Platt Fields Park kah nama nya, God! I missed that park. It has become my sanctuary during those depressing days, a retreat from uni life, the eye of the hurricane of my troublesome life. I will always remember this one time, during exam season in the crispy cold winter, I went to that park, with tearful eyes and weary soul, drained from the physical life of my living. Hoping to find comfort in the arms of the alluring nature, and I did! The cold breeze, the swaying leaves, and the quacking ducks managed to ease me out of my tormented mind. Sitting there, blending in the natures, I closed my eyes and told myself that I'll always treasure that very moment, where I seek for comfort and found it. Its one of the beautiful moments in my life. SiGh!!

Take me to that place........

Drive On....

My weekend was fully occupied with Grey's Anatomy, finished the second season finally and now I'm on a hunt to find the third. I know Nora has the third season on her pc..*hint* but she interestingly never catch the first and second season yet. Ermmm...you have no idea what your missing babe. The series is getting less exciting in terms of its scenes but the emotional turmoil of its characters is still top notch. I'm hoping that Addison would leave Derek and be with other guy Mark. I think she'll be happier with Mark, however Meredith should be with Finn and leave Derek, on his own and miserable. Hehehe! I know he loves Meredith but how can he be selfish. Get over it already! If you want to be, then be, if you don't then get the fuck off. Haha! Buang stress bah! I thoroughly enjoy the friendship between Yang and Meredith, two different characters totally and yet, somehow, they need and compliment each other perfectly.

Went out with Minx yesterday afternoon at the Mall, killing time before heading off to our driving session. There was this accident, a little kid arm got caught somewhere in the escalators. Something like that lah, didn't have a good look at it as I'm a bit squeamish when it comes to this kinda stuff. Alright! Alright! Lemme rephrase that again, I'm VERY squeamish when it comes to this kinda stuff. Heeeeee! I didn't even know whether its a girl or a boy hehehe! We left though, for our high tea at Season's, satisfied with the fact that the kid is still stuck rather than to know how they'd manage to free him.

Our driving session was G.R.E.A.T!! Minx is attached to it already, even said that Empire is close to where we work. What are you suggesting Minx? Really! What? Hehehe! :p Maybe we'll make it as our weekly thing for every sunday, that is if we don't have handball on sundays. Or else, we can have it on Saturday, or maybe any other day, anything lah! But not everyday though, golf is a very expensive sports. Might buy one of the cheapest club dulu as a start, renting them out every session will be silly and not to mention expensive since we go every week jua. Okay, I know I'm ranting again. Should get back to my markings....

If I had a choice I'll leave it all behind................

Let's Make A Deal

Prologue:
People don't always feel the same way about us, as we feel about them. It's not a crime, only human nature. We all know this of course, but we also know the hurt that comes when the feelings aren't shared ones. I do believe that forgiveness does help bring peace.

Let's Make A Deal
You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?

By Diane Blue

What the ending would be like if I did................

Doesn't Really Matter...

First of all..I'm not gonna be bitter in this entry. Had enough bitterness for today don't you think. Hehe besides I'm not gonna waste my time dwelling over people, unworthy of my precious time and thoughts. I'm cool!

Went to the car agent to pick up my baby after lunch. Poor darling had to spend overnight at the agent as it needed a lot of servicing. WHOT! I'm talking about my wheeler by the way. He had to spent overnight at the agent as it needed the full maintenance service. Some other wear and tear parts needed to be replaced as well. Everything cost me a heart-stopping $1003.25 but luckily I was eligible to get a discount and only paid $764. There goes my plan to buy a new stick. I was hoping that I'd pay $500 at the most as I brought my own oil and filters but no no no.... Then again, I'm very satisfied with the service and there's nothing much I can do anyway as I love my wheeler dearly. Hehe at least he's still effortless to drive and looks squeaky clean too. I'm gonna give all my loving and pamper him this month. This monday we are going to the tyre mart to get its wheel all align and pump up! :) Which reminds me that I need to get the tyres of the other car check up too. Humph!

CINTA is out in the cinema already. Its a very very nice movie, similar to the British production of Love Actually. So go and watch it, be if you are a romantic, a loser or anything, just go ok. And bring lots of tissue as well if your sensitive. I couldn't stop laughing my head off when almost half of the audiences (all female hopefully!) cried during certain scenes, blowing their nose and *euiii* you get the picture..... Call me insensitive or whatever, some of the story depicted are sad and sweet plang but then hello?! *knock knock* really, what's new about it? I'm gonna nag Minx to watch it cos I have the feeling she'll love the movie and ermmm.......cry. Hehe! Sadist! ;)

I finally found the poem that Eez showed me back in the UK. Found it already babe! Its a poem by Diane Blue. I like it..its sad, its real, its the broken wings that bring you earthbound! Will post it in the next entry. Hehe!

How well do we pretend..........

Jerk Off Jerk!!

Handball was fucking boring on Thursday. Some men, acting as if they know everything, ruined my day. On top of that, what a superficial bastard he is. Seriously, get a life man, stupid idiot acted like a total jerk! Who the fuck are you anyway, to think that you have the right to tell us what to do. Mingster, I know your looking forward to reading this post, but I won't talk much about it. Maybe lah not sure yet I'll write as I go. Tehee! It will be a more interesting post if I did this entry as soon as we finished the dreadful handball session. Anyway, obviously there is this guy who seemed to be irritated with us..dunno why, maybe we were good kali. Hahaha not! so I don't really know what his problem is!

So we had the first game, more like exhibition game to the newcomers, and I think I did well, had a good partnership with this other guy, we did one two pass and etc. He feed me well and I had few good opportunities but this idiot kept telling us to hold our position. Like what? We are attacking and we were doing well. Mcm fuck man that idiot, the hell with him. Maybe he's intimidated by us the girls...yes that must be it. He's a sissy! Yup! thats the only valid explanation. Minx, we have lots of Mojo than him!! Hahaha Even the guy who I had a good partnership pun d patronised nya. Maybe we stole his limelight away. Eyuuuckkk! Sad! I don't think he has one to start with!!!

After that game, things started to get worse as he completely ignored me in the game. Imagine a whole game without me getting a hold of the ball. Haha! On the last game when I played against his team he constantly marked me, and obviously he had the advantage since he was tall and big. He even laughed when he blocked my shots. Ehy! U might want to pick someone of your own size!! Hahahaha! What a jerk! He's proud of beating a girl. Ermmm...okay rock on buddy! NOT! Get a life mate! Seriously! Heeeee......

So there you go Minx! A reading pleasure for you! :)


Do you want the real story or do you prefer the lies?