Through The Lens: Hockey Match Aust Guildford College vs. Brunei Ladies

Jobless Smelly Feets

The World We Live In

The World We Live In

In a world
Where we smoke to feel free
Where we drink to forget what we did
Where blaming others for our mistakes is the normality
And raping 9-year-old girls is the reality
We still manage to be happy.

In a world
Where if you have 1 you want 10
Where if you were born girl you want to be a man
Where moms slit their babies’ throats
And the real values are fading behind banknotes
We still consider ourselves humans.

In a world
Where if you were healthy you should be grateful
Where having a family should mean being lucky
Where dreaming should be consider as the biggest gift
And every breath should be enjoyed for what it gives
We shouldn’t be complaining,
but living.

J.Apo.B.

The poem was written by Jacopo, a blogger I recently became acquainted to. I very much like it because it's very raw and honest though some might percieve it as dark, it's time to come face to face with the real world now.

Jacopo's Inspiration:
Here I am, so....I wrote "The World We Live In" on a friday night here in San Francisco. It had been a long time that I had in mind the first 3 lines (In a world Where we smoke to feel free Where we drink to forget what we did) when on that friday I was randomly thinking, daydreaming, as often happens to me and I start thinking about our world, with all our beautiful and horrible things. Especially dreams, I'm a dreamer, therefore I consider dreaming "as the biggest gift". On the same day, my roommate was shooting his movie project about the people, the human being, and a couple of hours before I had watched an interview to Johnny Depp who talked about breathing, how we forgot how valuable breathing is. So, it was a mix, a set of thoughts lived in the same day that led me to write this poem.

PS/ Apo, I agree with the breathing part. More often we take things for granted. We are too obsess with the bigger picture that we forgot to look closer at each pieces of the puzzle.

The Enemy

"Because I had goodwill for all, I thought all were my friends, and then I learned of treachery, that some preferred my end. A glorious day, the one I learned the meaning of the word. It's good to know my enemies, though their reasons are absurd"

Vanna Bonta

She's With The Angels Now.......

If I have the chance to, I'd do it all over again. I apologize for my lapse of attention. Now that it's too late, I'll have to live with this regret forever. I'm so sorry......

All I have is your memories.......

Missing Aaqil.......

I miss Aaqil so damn much that it hurts. I know he's not my son but I love the little sleepyhead truly, madly, deeply. Hehe! Now, don't tell me to get married and have one of my own cos God forbid, I'm so not ready for all that. Nonetheless, I know I love Aaqil the moment I saw him. Who could resist loving his sweet adorable face. Does it make sense really that I can love him as my own but still not want to have one? I think it does.

Anyway, mum visited him this evening and he was sleeping as usual. I haven't seen him for 2 days and I'm definitely going tomorrow. No matter what.

He is a true blessing. A blessing to his parents, his aunts and uncles, his grandfathers and grandmothers as well as his great grandmothers. He's a lucky kid to be loved by so many. May he grow up to be a good faithful man. Amin.

The love beyond words........

The Apple of My Eye

I could stare at this peaceful face forever :)

The Perfect Reason

Less than a year ago, I had the opportunity to pack up and start new. I had all the reasons to go. All except one. Now that I've come face to face with it, he is worth staying.

Getting through the night.......

A Little Bite......

The good life taste real good.

I think I have my favourite......

Expect Nothing....

When we have expectations, everything else come as a disappointment.

We never learn, do we?

Life's A Struggle.....

"As we advanced in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed"

The Thoughtful One......

I've been busy for the past few days, I apologised if I seemed to abandon this blog. I haven't been inspired. Not in a thoughtful way anyway. I have something to write about but I'm lazy. Maybe tomorrow or the day after.

Anyhow, the birth of my first nephew has to be one of the highlight of my life. I stayed at the hospital throughout the 12 hours long labour together with the rest of the family. On friday, 11th April 2008, Muhammad Aaqil Harith was born weighing 3.3kg and 52cm long. His birth changed my life, in a way. He's just so cute and adorable. I don't think he even mind the limelight, he's definitely enjoying his early moments of the world.

I've been thinking whether to start a new photoblog for the photos I took. I think it's a good idea to separate the pictures and my words/thoughts. I don't know, what do you think? My readers have been awfully quiet lately. Speak up yo!

Oh! My injury is not as bad as I predicted. Hehe! So Yay! I played hockey on thursday and saturday. Not even an ache. This is it for now.

Til I find my inspiration........

The New Joy...

Baby Aaqil, eleven hours old. Cuteness!

Born 11th April 2008

Baby Aaqil, one hour old :-)

Shining In The Darkness......

Take a look outside now, it is a very very beautiful night. The sky is clear and the mighty stars are shining. I don't remember seeing such a beautiful night as tonight.

Expecting more from tonight.......

Through The Lens: Sunset (8th)

Roy's Bday Dinner

It's Torn.....

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible time. Yeap, I'm being Murphy-ed by the Murphy's Law. I picked up an injury, not a major one but not one that'll go away in few days neither. It comes at the perfect worst time. Just as I'm off to a good start.

Bring it on........

Someone's Universe, Definitely......

It is easy to think that the world revolves around you, but take a look around you, look up to the stars, see farther beyond the sea and you'll realise that it's never that way. In fact, the world could have survive without you. Could you have survive without them?

About time to be honest......

Quotomatic Machine: Submerged

"It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top"

-Virgina Woolf

PS/ Sorry for the lack of posts. I feel so unispired.

Expectations Leads To Frustration....

You never learn your lesson do you? You can't help but to put high expectations of me. I'm not obliged to feed your every needs. I'm not obliged to anyone but myself.

Being nice isn't easy....

Through The Lens: Seven

It's all gonna be photos for today. Wuill try to post later if I'm inspired. Enjoy...

Third Kirana Wedding

Congratulations to Fets and Coach on their wedding. Dearest, my debt no more :)

Needing The Opposites...

I realised that everything I should be is everything I can't be. People have an idea of who I should be, but they failed to see that I'm only human. Is it just me or does everyone seem to have a different ideal of me? It's too much to handle especially when they think I've dissapoint them, those while I found myself in oblivion, unaware of all these expectations burdened on my shoulder. Can they just let me be myself, accept the way I am, my flaws included? Why are they so selfish when it comes to admitting their own mistakes?

Waiting for a fresh start.....

Righteous Mistake.....

What would you do when you realised you've made a mistake? Do the right thing or convince yourself that what you did was right?

Life goes on.....

Relatively Unknown.....

It's easy to judge others but not ourself. It's easy to understand others but hardly understand ourself at all. We are strangers to our own selves.

Looking for that purpose....

An Echo Of The Past....

Echo is a repetition of sound or a reminiscent of something. Sound echo is produced when a sound bounce off a surface. It is the persistence of sound after the source has stopped. A echo is mostly clear when the surrounding is quiet and other sounds are absorbed. Similarly, an echo of past events, memories, happens when everything become stagnant and one is left with their thoughts alone. An echo very haunting it doesn't seem to fade..

Good luck and good bye.......

Ending Up Here....

Sacrifice, everyone of us made sacrifice. Sacrifice is not a lost although it strongly feels like it. You lose something but you gain something as well. Like everything else, it is just a part of life and there's a balance to it. Don't take whatever we sacrifice as a regret because it really is not. Sometimes when we sacrifice we feel like we are doing it for nothing because we don't get the return we wanted. But who are we to judge our own effort, what you see might not be the same as what I see, but we might ended up feeling the same. No matter how we feel about it, we have to make some sacrifice because deep down we hope that others will do the same for us.

I woke up remembering.....

Unconditional Love

'I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't'

-For One More Day

Walking on water......

Time To Take Charge....

'Maybe...if you spend your whole life worrying, then the only way that your life will have meaning is, if what you fear becomes real'

-Sublime

Dare To Dream....

What a game it was last night? The Red Devils trashed Liverpool 3-0 at The Theatre of Dreams. Liverpool supporters do stop reading at this point. Thank you

The talk of the game has to be the sending off of Mascherano. He has been on the referee's nerve since he was yellow carded for the tackle on Scholes. And after seeing Torres got the yellow card for dissent, he should have known better. He was asking for it, he didn't see the red card coming but we certainly did. He pushed the button a little bit too far.

The goal from Brown was definitely a surprise. Ronaldo had an okay game but he was still deadly with the spot kick eventhough none went it. Hehe! Reina was again punching air as Ronaldo leaped to head the ball home for United's 2nd. Nani's goal has to be the goal of the week. He was just superb albiet coming on as a substitute! His strike left Reina ground footed and that was the final nail on Liverpool's coffin.

It's a three way now......

The Sleepy One....

What pays $7 to go to the cinema to sleep?

Whoever gives the correct answer will win a full package massage from geteverythinghere.com

Thicker Than Water....

I did it! I finally did it. This will not be the last one I promise you that. I need to feel like a good person, I need it more than they need my blood. I feel like a good person, however temporary it will be. Heeee I'm not claiming to be a saint, don't get me wrong. I definitely am NOT! It's a balance kinda thing between my demons and my good side. You know, I'm bitter with the world, once in a while I need to contribute something. It's a simple give and take process. When the world has been good all along, now it's time to see everything on it's perspective before goodness gave up on me completely.

Chill man, it's just donating blood. Or is it? :)

Dawn is not a bad thing.........

Bleeding Sweats...

I'm exhausted and bruised. Just got back from futsal and someone kicked my shin really really hard, having mistaken it for the ball. No bad intention though it was pure accident. So it's all good.

It has a been such a long day. Fun, exciting long day. Bought two books this afternoon, Air Babylon and The Amazing Adventures of DietGirl. Hehe! I so love.

There'll be a blood donation thingy at work tommorow. So I'm gonna do some good and donate my cells. I've never donate blood before so it should be an interesting experience. I don't know why but I have this urge to do it eversince I know about the campaign. We never know right? It might be us lying on the hospital bed needing our own blood. That would be ironic. Heh! I'm starting to sound morbid. But it's nice to do something good and give something to the world. I'm a bit nervous about it as it is a new experience but I hope this determination I have in me will pull me through it. Watch this space..... :)

All we need is to find something good.......

The Qualities of A Pencil

I read it somewhere that if a person turns to have the 5 qualities of a pencil, then he'll always be at peace with life and the world. Those five qualities are:

1st: We are capable of great things, but must never forget that there is a hand guiding our steps. GOD. He always guides us according to His will.

2nd: A pencil needs to be sharpened. Makes it suffer a little but he'll be much sharper. So, we must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make us a better person.

3rd: Like a pencil, we must allow ourself to rub out any mistakes. Meaning, that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing. It helps to keep us on the road to justice, kindness and forgiveness.

4th: What really matters in a pencil is the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside us and the quality of others.

5th: A pencil always leaves a mark. In just the same way, we should know that everything we do in life will leave a mark. So try to be conscious of that in your every action.

On the road of rediscovering.......

Into Nothingness.....

'....and there we sat, not moving or talking, just sharing a silence - a big, fat empty pause filled with nothingness. I'd forgotten how much of a strain it was constantly to have to translate the world and how I saw it into words for the benefit of those who didn't understand. It was nice to enjoy a moment when I could just sit back, relax and think about nothing'

Magnificent Se7en.....

Manchester United is back on top of the EPL table after beating relegation struggler Bolton. The brilliant Cristiano Ronaldo scored twice to put the champion on a 3 points lead ahead of Arsenal. The legendary winger has now scored a record of 33 goals this season. And his amazing form continues.....

The Red Devils will play Liverpool at home this saturday.

Conquering My Fears......

I had an interesting dream last night, I was on a camping trip with my students and colleagues. The dream began with us boarding a boat to go to a waterfal not far away from the camping area. As we arrived on the jetty I saw this tower and told myself I have to climb it. I was afraid of height which reflect reality. Anyway, I was overcome with this urge to climb despite my fear of height. The climb was not as difficult as I thought as I kept looking up. When I reached the top, I had to walk along this long narrow walkway into the tourism office located on top of the tower. Now, if you're afraid of height you must understand how I felt. I made my way through eventually. The office overlooked a very serene view. From above I saw my colleagues making their way up the hill to the waterfall. There were people white water rafting against the tide (weird!). The place was buzzing with different activities. I also bought 2 keychains. I woke up just as I was leaving the office to join the rest.

Nnw, it's very rare for me to remember my dreams exactly. Usually dreams are of familiar faces and very vague. So I looked up on the net for dream interpretation and this is what I found. By the looks of it, it's a pretty positive dream and are quite accurate to how I am at the moment :)

Stairs
To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs, indicates that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual/emotional/material journey.

To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs, signifies that you will face many setback in your endeavors.

To see spiral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth.

Tower
To see a tower in your dream, signifies high hopes and aspirations. If you are looking down from a tower, then it suggests your perceived superiority over others. Your ego may also be inflated.

To see a water tower in your dream, suggests that you are keeping your emotions inside. You may be unable to express your feelings, especially feelings of love. Alternatively, it indicates a false sense of security.

To dream that you are climbing a tower, denotes you quest for spirituality and unconscious ideas that may be surfacing.

Boat

To see a boat in your dream, signifies you ability to cope and express your emotions. Pay particular attention to the condition and state of the waters, whether is is calm or violent, clear or murky, etc. Are you "smooth sailing"? Alternatively, you may be ready to confront your unconscious and unknown aspects of yourself.

To dream that you are on a boat, denotes fruitful endeavors and that your plans will go off without a hitch. Luck will be right beside you.

To dream that you are trying to jump off a boat, suggests that you want to dive directly in and confront those difficult emotions and approach your problems head on.

Water
To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment. If the water is calm, clear, then it signifies that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation. If you are splashed by water, then it represents your need to be revitalized and more expressive. To dream that water is boiling, suggests that you are expressing some emotional turmoil. It also may mean that feelings from your unconscious are surfacing and ready to be acknowledged.?

To see muddy or dirty water in your dream, indicates that you are wallowing in your negative emotions. You may need to devote some time to clarify your mind and find internal peace. Alternatively, it suggests that your thinking/judgment is unclear and clouded. If you are immersed in muddy water, then it indicates that you are in over your head in a situation and are overwhelmed by your emotions.

To hear running water in your dream, denotes meditation, reflection and pondering of your thoughts and emotions.

To dream that you are walking on water, suggests that you have supreme and ultimate control over your emotions. It may also suggest that you need to "stay on top" of your emotions and not let them explode out of hand. Alternatively, it is symbolic of faith in yourself.

PS I Love You.....Yes I Do!

PS I Love You is finally out in the cinema. Thank you God! I'm not expecting much from the movie as from reliable sources it didn't do the book justice. It's just something I have to watch.

Exactly three months......

Spread The Love.....

Nur, I propose you a project!! A project on how many people we can get/lure/blackmail/trap/cheat into reading The Kite Runner. You wanna?? Hahaha! I know a person who lost a bet to me and now have to read a 100 pages of the book. It's better than nothing right? Besides, I'm expecting her to get hooked after the 100th. We'll see. (Yes! You stop facebook-ing and go read!) So what do you say my friend? Are you in to share the beauty of The Kite Runner. If we can get half the world to read the Kite Runner, we can then form a revolutionary movement for world domination. Huahuahuahua! Hahaha apakan?!

The psycho is coming out.......

Demented Ass...

I'm sick and I'm tired and I'm scared. It's fucking creepy you know that! What I like, you like. What I do, you do. How I act, you act. Who I know, you want to know. It's disturbing, it's sick, it's driving me off the cliff! Maybe I should get a restraining order ehy? My life is unfolding into 'Single White Female'. Tehee...

There's only one actor for my role.......

Invisible Scars....

"I'm sorry that I'm not the same person you used to know anymore. I'm sorry for your lost. When one has been hit so many times, they become more and more resistant. When one is hurt so many times, they became apathetic. I have become one. My sacrifices has taken the better of me, there's nothing good left of me now. Not for you anyway. You've snatched away my sympathy. You've watched and let me bleed. The bruises take long to heal, the scars will remain. I can say it was never your fault but who are we trying to fool anyway?"

-Anonymous

Through The Lens: Part Six

My youngest brother science project - A model of DNA Double Helix



Kimora and Tinkerbell....

Take Your Blame.....

People are always taking things for granted as if it's going to be around forever. Well, whaddya know?

When we have so much to lose, don't try to push our luck further. We can't have more than we deserved especially if we don't give much. It doesn't work with that equation.

When things change, it shifted itself on a new equilibrium. Once it's broken there's no easy way of fixing it.

I reckon it never hits you that it'll eventually stop giving. What are you left of now?

It was never my call.......

Darkest End of The Shadow....

Life is clouded over by uncertainites. We could never know what's going to happen, nor how long things last. Is the pain of losing better than the lost of not knowing? Which one would you rather do? To know a person and lose them or wish that you rather not meet them at all? Is one second together more beautiful than forever alone?

Things change now......

No Treat...

The awaiting uncertainty scares me. We are after all loners in this world.

Standing still......

Breathe Me.....

Everything has a face that masks its truth identity. Be it people or life in general. Everything is not what it seems. In simpler words, what you see is not what you get.

Look deeper and you'll surprise yourself......

Bad Is The New Good.....

It's undeniable such people who expect you to be there for them when they are not exactly around when you needed them exist.

Why is that they always want more than you're able to give, taking kindness for granted?

Each man lives for himself, stop trying to please others. Please yourself instead. Be greedy, be selfish. Who cares, everyone else is doing it. Fuck kindness, nobody is going to appreciate it anyway.

When there's nothing else to lose......

Sleeping Dragon.....

I'm not in a very healthy state of mind. With this rage I have in me, I'm capable of inflicting pain intentionally or unintentionally. So keep your space.

Unthankful and inconsiderate......

Life For One.....

I'm not a people's person. I know its ironic given what I do as a living but its true. I have the worst people skill. I rather sit quietly with my thoughts alone. Unless you have something interesting (to both of us) to talk about, don't sweat yourself off trying to make a conversation with me because trust me when I'm in such mood you would not appreciate my company :)

Let me be with my silence........

Through The Lens: 5th Edition

Photos taken randomly since whenever....

Few photos taken from last week's activities.

Save The Last Dance.....

I was trying to recall the last time I danced my heart out. When the music runs in my veins and the rhythm and me becomes one. It was a very very long time ago.

So here's a thought......

When one is in a trance of dancing, one loses itself and every senses in one's body is heighten. Do you agree if I say that dancing increases one's sexual desire? Hehehe *_*

It was a harmless thing.....

Give A Little Respect......

A great news just turned my darken day bright. Although it's not certain yet but it comes as an unexpected silver lining to my recent dark clouds. When I thought that goodness has turned its back on me, blessing came through and swept me off my feet. Not that this news affects me directly but given what I've been through these past weeks, I'm overwhelmed with heartfelt joy. If there's hope and happiness for others then there must be one for me too.

If people say that God wouldn't let one to be truly happy without taking something away. Then, God also wouldn't cast us in the shadow completely. There are always good things to come. Always believe. It's good to have a little faith in oneself even if others haven't.

Not turning the corner yet......

Back At One......

I'm reading The Kite Runner again. Haha! I can't resist it. I want to soak up all the little details in the book. Didi has started reading it as well and by the sound of it, she can't put the book down. She only started around 7pm earlier and she's already half way through the book. Looks like she enjoys it more than I do. Yes! I have someone who has read the book to watch the movie with. It's going to be memorable.

Loyalty is one of the many that you lacked.......

Unsweetened....

There's so much to do and yet there's no real excitement in it. Life tend to get so routine, you wonder what's new. You try to make things different, approach life in a different perspective but there's only so much you can do. Sometimes it's best to stop trying and just sit back and do what your heart tells you to do. It might not always be right, but dare you trust other than yourself? Sometimes things need no encouragement to fall into the right places.

If it doesn't work one way, there's no harm trying the other alternative. What is there to lose when you don't have it at the first place?

Be careful with what you wish for......

Tiny Droplets.....

We rarely pay attention to the small things in life thinking they exist only to compliment the bigger things. We think that the small things are unimportant. In truth, the little things are very significant. These little things are like tiny droplets of the ocean, and what is the ocean but the sum of millions of these tiny droplets.

The obliviousness of one and the sensitivity of another......

For You, A Thousand Time Over......

I just watched The Kite Runner, bought the dvd earlier tonight. Most of the scene are the same as in the book. Somehow, the scenes in the movie are more sad than the book. Maybe because the words were said rather than written so it's more real. I cried during the first scene where Hassan and Amir was waiting for the kite where they had the conversation about eating the dirt. I burst into tears when Hassan shouted 'For you, a thousand times over' to chase the kite for Amir. And I wept everytime I see Hassan's face. I feel for him. The Kite Runner is THE movie to watch. Heh! I don't care if I sound bias. Oh! Better read the book first as the movie will be more meaningful. The emotional journey is so overwhelming.

I'm heartbroken that Hassan never get to meet Amir after he left. I want him to at least get a result out of Amir. I'm heartbroken for the fact that he never get to know who his father really is. I'm heartbroken for the reality that a good man may never truly have the good life he deserve.

There is a way to be good again.......

Inside Out.....

We are happy when for everything inside us there is a corresponding something outside us.

Little Things

In order to determine whether there's anything we can know with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know.

Exhausting Life....

Fatigue and tiredness are subjective feeling. It means many such as lack of energy, discomfortness, sleepiness as well as depression. Yes! Mental health problem such as anxiety and depression (mental tah ku rupa nya selama ani) can make one feel tired and prevent them from sleeping properly.

Stress and worry are tiring emotions and a person facing a stressful situation can be drained physically and emotionally, especially when there's no obvious solution ahead.

Being tired can lead one to avoid physical activity, which makes them more unfit, hence making them more tired. When one is chronically tired, this can become a vicious cycle. Tiredness is not a result of just one disease or condition but a series of events, conditions that makes one truly EXHAUSTED!

So how do we get over fatigue and tiredness when one is chronically mentally and physically tired?

Better left undone........

Sleepless in Not-Seattle.....

Darn! It's almost 2am and I can't sleep. Must be the red bull I drank for training this afternoon. For the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling exhausted. Sleeping early doesn't help. I've took few days off sports and that didn't help either. A few friends has commented that I looked tired. I do feel tired even at 9am in the morning. What is wrong with me? Or is this what being 27 does to you? Heh!

Staying up late will not help me get over the exhaustion! I need to sleep but I can't. I'm wide awake. Oh God! Here comes the headache.

Rationalizing Life.....

There is a reason for everything. Why we are here? Why is the sky blue? You get the drift. There is always a reason for everything, no matter how lame it might be. The things we do, the people we meet. Everything happens for a purpose. Everyone comes to our life for a reason. Events that defines us, the path we took. People who come to our life to show us something or lead us to certain path of life.. There are always lessons to be learnt from events and the people we come across in life. There is always something. A reason. A purpose. A lesson to learn.

Learn, Appreciate, Move on........

Bunny Who?

Meet Kimora and Tinkerbell....................
will try to post more pics of these little one soon

A Matter of What?

An action is a thought made manifest. Our actions, no matter how light they can be are capable of betraying us.

Talk less so we would least likely say the wrong words. Do less as we are more likely to do the right thing.

Incapable of almost everything.........

Not Over It......

I'm still not over the Kite Runner.

Question to my dear 'Khaled Hosseini Book Club' partner Nur (Yes...by default again!),
Why do you think Amir is so behaving the way he's behaving towards Hassan? Hassan did nothing wrong but showing his loyalty and treasuring their friendship from the start. Why is that he needed Hassan and despise him at the same time? Hehe...take your time.