We tried to enjoy peace by creating desolation. We tried to create peace by ignoring the truth. We create our own truth by abandoning reality.
I went out with couple of friends today, good old friends, for lunch. We ended up reminiscing about our younger days back in Manchester. How people grow, and how they change. We talked about the people we came across in life, the people who ended up as friends, some as the 'have been' and some who still play a significant part in our life.
Anyhow, the most interesting part of the afternoon conversation was when a friend blurted out that I 'drove people to their dark side' and was agreed by the other. Now! Please don't jump to any conclusion just yet. Although, I'm not dismissing the claim, I'm not evil either. My only arguement is that, I didn't force them or lure them to the 'dark side', I only woken up the sleeping demons inside of them. Besides, I didn't trap them into doing things they shouldn't do, sometimes even the things I never do myself. I didn't do it intentionally, seriously. Some of the things are bad, some are just wild and insanely fantastic. I'm not a very adventurous person myself and I can't explain how I just managed to do that.. So with the facts that has been discussed, yeah, I do drive people to their dark side. Oppsss! *_*
Starting enough trouble.......
One of our common mistake is that we forgot that we are not the judge of our own effort. Our effort are justified by the outcome, not by how much it tires us. We need to remind ourselves that certain things are beyond our control and should just let it be.
Taking a slow turn.......
Have I mentioned that the Kite Runner is a powerful and moving book? It's a story of loyalty, selfless act of one and unappreciative, selfishness of another. It's about how a person can be overwhelmed by guilt that they inflicted pain on the exact person they felt guilty about. Isn't that ironic? Isn't that sad? It's also about forgiveness, kindness and redemption. I'm not rushing to finish the book because I don't want it to end. Nonetheless, I can't help myself to turn page after page. There's about a hundred pages to go.
"For you a thousand times over...." - Hassan in The Kite Runner
"Awu yo, kamah tu yo, air kamih tikus g yo"
"Tikus bekamih kan yo?" (plastered with a bangang look)
Bimbo moment banar! Hahaha
I just started reading The Kite Runner this evening and I don't want to put it away. It is so good though I'm only up to chapter six. Khaled Hosseini knows well how to mesmerize readers with his words. The story was carefully plotted and each chapter ends with sentence that makes my heart skipped a few bits. Hehe! I'm already attached to the character Hassan, the things he has to endure. Makes me sad to read what he has to go through in the story. I haven't read much so I can't review the book as a whole yet. Nor do I know will what happen to the characters. Though, there will be heartbreaking and painful moments to come. So far, it almost brought me to tears a couple of times. So Nur, go read it. Hehe
In my own world.......
I'm yet to read Jemima J. Maybe after The Kite Runner which I'm going to start on tonight. The one I've just finished is An Accident Waiting To Happen by Adrian White. The story took place in Manchester and the places were very familiar. In fact, I'm seriously UK@Manchester sick at the moment. I miss that place! SiGh!
I bumped into an old friend at the gym today. It was very exciting to see her. Her husband died a year ago in an accident. The death was unexpected and shocking. He was a very nice man. And to see my friend, it breaks my heart. Because I know she's still grieving. Although see looks alright, but you can sense that she's still broken and lost. She's still trying to move on in which I think she's progressing well. Slowly but well. I'm happy that she's moving on. I hope for her to find another decent man as she deserves to be happy. Al-Fatihah to Allahyarham Md Zulkarnain.
The only face you see........
Do we really know who we are? Our dreams and what we want to achieve in life? Can anyone be sure what they truly want in life?
When we stopped being who we are, we found our true self. It's when we have nothing to lose that we have everything. It's when we become no one that we could be everything that we dreamed of being. Because, it's easier that way.
Sometimes, to get the best we need to lose ourself........
A small bird got stuck in my car's wiper this afternoon. It was raining as it was lately and I was on my way to training when it flew straight ahead and I heard a clear thump! Next thing I know, there was a bird stuck in the wiper. I decided to continue driving and rescue the bird once I reached my destination.
It was barely breathing and didn't respond at all when I tucked her (Yes! I decided it's a her) in my attempt of bird's bed using thick sheets of tissue and plastic bag. The others joked that she suffered internal injuries and only counting her minutes to die. When I checked on her after my game, expecting it dead although I so believed she would survive, she was gone. It's only after a few minutes later that I saw her flying merrily on the high ceiling of the hall. What worries me now is that she'll never find her way out. That the only thing she know is the way up without realising there's an exit down below.
So what have I learnt today? I've learnt that no matter how bad an event had hurt you (physically or emotionally), given enough effort and belief, we will manage through the horrid hours and rise up high once again. And for many other times as a matter of fact.
Secondly, no matter how much people condemn you and your beliefs, you are the only one who's capable of failing yourself and abandoning your will.
Thirdly, birds also suffer from hypothermia. All they need to recover is a warm blanket and a loving hand.
And finally, birds has no wipers to clear away the rain and so is advisable for them not to fly in rainy days.
Spread your wings and fly........
Passion is a dangerous thing. Almost everything we do is reasoned with passion. It may not be rational. It may not make any sense at all. Sometimes we push ourself over the limit just to satisfy our passion. It knows no boundary, not until it is satisfied.
It's time for you to stop being who I am......
We cannot live without pain no matter how much we despise it, we know that pain is necessary in life. That without pain we'll never understand what pleasure is. Pain comes in different faces, be it a sacrifice or self denial. That we cannot help but to flirt with pain, making it a part of our life, shaping who we really are. No matter how much we deny it, pain is like a drug we cannot live without. Although we claim that nobody wants to suffer, deep within we know that pain is what justifies us in every victories that we managed.
We need to understand it........
"......really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other."
-Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho
"Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say yes to life?"
- Eleven Minutes, Paulo Coelho
The only time when I feel better is when I was doing sports. My flu has gotten worse and now my head feels heavier than my whole body and a timebomb waiting to explode. To top it all nicely, I'm starting to cough badly. SiGh!
I'm done with Nineteen Minutes. I don't know what it is with Picoult, her novel never end with full closure for her readers. I guess she's a realist that one don't get something without having other thing taken away from them. There we similarities with Nineteen Minutes and The Pact, how the character's emotions are intertwined. Mothers caught between love and the facts. Fathers distracting themselves indulging themselves in works. So what's new?
Will read one of Coelho's after this. Eleven Minutes maybe.
When it's given why having doubts taking it?
I search in all the things and people that shaped me to be who I am at least a sense of connection. That once, I belong to them and they belong to me. Yet, there is nothing. Empty spaces in me. Nothing familiar only strangers. Faces and things you see, once familiar to you, don't make sense anymore.
It's funny how life works. That people remember a part of your life that you don't anymore. That what's memorable to you may not be the same to others. That the lowest of your life might be the highest of theirs.
No two things are indifferent......
I changed my mind and decided to read Jodi Picoult's Nineteen Minutes rather than Jemima J. No other reason than that Jemima J looks like a fun read and I wanna save it for later.
The epilogue:
By the time you read this, I hope to be dead.
You can't undo something that's happened; you can't take back a word that's already been said out loud. You'll think about me and wish that you had been able to talk me out of this. You'll try to figure out what would have been the one right thing to say, to do. I guess I should tell you, "Don't blame yourself; this isn't your fault" but that would be a lie. We both know that I didn't get here by myself.
You'll cry at my funeral. You'll say it didn't have to be this way. You will act like everyone expects you to. But will you miss me?
More importantly - will I miss you?
Does either one of us really want to hear the answer to that question?
-Nineteen Minutes
Certain thing is brewing.......
I just finished reading The Pilgrimage. Sorry! But it wasn't as good as the other Paulo Coelho's books I've read. It is more spiritual in a secret society context i.e. Knight Templar and The 'Tradition' stuffs. However, as with his other books, the author never failed to impress me with his understanding for a better life.
I so wanted to start on Jemima J but as it is now past midnight and it's workday tomorrow, I think its best to start reading it fresh in the morning. Or whenever I'm free haha! Besides, I need to recuperate and relax a bit. My mind is still overwhelmed by The Pilgrimage. I don't want to end up thinking that it was Jemima who embarked on a journey along the road to Santiago in search of her sword. Heh!
To dear readers of this blog, be it regulars or accidental gogglers or blog hoppers, feel free to recommend any good books as I'm running out of titles to read. Though I still have 8 books to read. Anyways, I'm not into sci-fi fiction, thriller or murder crime. Favoured genres are those of my reading lists. Historical romance is a big NO NO NO! Thank you.
Sometimes we need to slow down and appreciate what we have around us.......
We try to live life to the best as we can, avoiding conflicts and embarrassment. Once in a while, we caught ourselves in the crossfire. Should we stay low, take shelter and wait for the situation to ease, or should we take the risk, rise and take the chance to escape?
There never is a right answer......
"Of all the ways we have found to hurt ourselves, the worst has been through love. We are always suffering because of someone who doesn't love us, or someone who has left us, or someone who won't leave us...."
Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage
Satisfaction is not something solid. It is temporary and it usually leave us with void of wanting more. Satisfaction is a curse in disguise.
Pure satisfaction, I was told, is almost unachievable. Is it in our humble capability to achieve it? Only a few gifted others are lucky enough to truly experience pure satisfaction. As for us, no matter how impossible it may seems, there is no harm in trying.
Show me something sincere........
It has been a very long week and it's not even weekend yet. Both physically and mentally exhausting. But worry not, I'm coping it without any major glitches. Heh!
The sudoku craze at the office is getting crazier. We even stayed til 6pm after work and more people are joining the club. They have been giving me enough trouble that I lost my winning streaks now :)
Tomorrow will be equally hectic as I'm fully scheduled the whole day. Hmm, I'm going to hit the sack now. yawn!
Sometimes it's wise to stop trying..........
This is a test post. Haha! Test post ani wah. I want to check my connection first before I start on a long post. Hehe watch this space.
I've finally finished reading The Memory Keeper's Daughter. Phew!! It really is a very very long read. The story is not that bad, it was moving and very touching. I'm just glad I'm done with it as I can start reading a new book. Waheyyyyy!! I think I'm going to read Paulo Coelho's The Pilgrimage now.
She said "I didn't come here to tell you that I can't live without you. I can live without you. It's just that I don't want to"
He stood still as she closed the door behind her.....
My colleagues and I are on a sudoku craze at the moment. We've been competing to who can solve d puzzle first. So far in 8 games, yours truly is leading with 5 wins. Heh heh! Other than day, life has been taking a slow turn, not that I'm complaining.
What's up with the movie Cloverfield? It gave me headache in the first few minutes. Maybe I would rate it better if it has a proper camera angle then again it would be 'real'. It's the alien version of Blair Witch Project. The thrill was good I must say and the ending? Aww! Sweet but too bad.
It awakens me......
Heath Ledger was found dead at his New York apartment on Tuesday afternoon. Cause of death are yet to be clarified. What a waste!
It's about time for you to stick your head out of the sand and watch the world around you unfolds. It's about time to face life and stop hiding from reality, the genuine one, not the one you assumed in your head.. It's about time to accept the truth that you created by ignorance. It's about time for you to set me free from all your bitterness and hatred. It's about time to shift from this fragile equilibrium, be it a leap or a fall. Anything, anywhere but now.
I don't love pain anymore.......
We don't achieve things just by sitting still. We don't get things by doing nothing. We have the sole responsibility to make ourselves truly happy, whatever it takes. Pure happiness and contentment that radiates from within can only make us so. We need to grab any chances that we have. That we tried everything in our might, leaving no trails of regrets behind. Because some opportunities only come once, and some don't come at all. We have to stop waiting for what life brings for us specifically. Instead to make better with what is presented to us. For all the frustrations we experienced, we have nobody else but ourselves to blame.
It's better to make the wrong decision than doing nothing at all.........
Pretending comes easy when you can't accept reality. At the end of the day, you inflicted the pain on yourself. Things that has been said, cannot be unsaid. Things that has been done, cannot be undone. Sometimes acts are based on emotional circumstances, to get away from reality. Often, it bites us on our back.
Some tend to cover the truth with lies. The lies they build on themselves. The lies that they surrounded themselves with. The lies that has gotten out of control and eats them alive.
What will become of us.....
Expect a hiatus from me starting today til friday. I'm off to Kota Kinabalu for a relaxing vacation. Can't wait to revisit the mountain. There's something serene about it. Maybe its the majestic peak, or the ambience of its surroundings. Or simply the cool temperature of the place. For all I know, its a soothing therapy for me. I'm not expecting anything kick ass awesome or extreme retail therapy as my latest trip to Singapore. I'm coming to Kota Kinabalu for some peace and quiet. It's going to be a blast, hopefully, in its own way.
There's always a way to be content......
My bro Phad is currently watching Manchester United play against Newcastle at The Theatre of Dream. He sounds really excited and is having so much fun. I'm so jealous but I'm extremely happy for him. He worked his ass off with part time jobs, saving up his students allowance for his UK trip. Though his Manchester United dream expenses is paid by yours truly huhu make his dream come true, why not. I'm glad that United are playing brilliantly feasting my brother with their excellent game. And Ronaldo has just scored his 2nd goal.
I stayed in Manchester for four years and I never get to watch the Devils play. Now, whose fault is that?
It comes easy......
There is something charming about spontaneity. It's truly living in the moment itself. There is something alluring in the moment that make one to be spontaneous. To grab life by it's horn kinda thing. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough guts to be spontaneous today. Whatever happens to my 'Just do, don't think' motto. I lost it along the way of being thoughtful. Heh?!
Being spontaneous is about being capable of taking risks and facing the consequences. It is somewhat courageous, don't you think?
Going on the extra time........
People are willing do anything to make the person they love happy. Anything! It may or may not be the right thing to do. Be it an act of wisdom even stupidity. It's selfless yet selfish at the same time. Without thinking carefully of the circumstances, they act on their instincts, a one moment in time. A moment when all that drive us is nothing but love. Sadly, there's no guarantee of a happily ever after.
Yet to find a memory for us to cherish.....
I so love Paulo Coelho and his books. He defines life brilliantly. He observation and perception on life and everything related to it is so spot on. His ideas are simple, yet pure and honest. People like him helps us to make the better of our lives.
The latest post in his site was about the story of Apollo and Daphne:
The god Apollo pursues the nymph Daphne into the woods. He is in love with her, but Daphne - who is always being courted by everyone - can no longer bear her own splendour and calls on the gods to help her, saying: 'Destroy this beauty that never allows me any peace.' The gods hear Daphne's plea and transform her into a tree. Apollo cannot find her, for she is now merely part of the vegetation. Daphne behaved in a way that is familiar to us all: we often destroy our own talents because we do not know what to do with them. The mediocrity of being 'just another person' is more comfortable than the struggle to reveal everything we are capable of, using the gifts that God gave us.
In response to the question: In Veronica Decides to Die, you have portrayed a young girl who tries to commit suicide... , he wrote:
No, it's not a book about suicide. It is about the necessity to accept our differences, instead of trying to fulfill other people's destiny (like the destiny that our parents choose for us, for example). When, as a young man, I insisted on being a writer, my family sent me to a mental institution-not only once, but three times. Veronica is based on this experience. We must stop following the 'Manual of Good Behavior', this non-written book that guides our life, and dare a little bit more. Veronica is bored, because she realizes that today is the same as yesterday, and it will be the same tomorrow.
By the way, talking about my experience in the asylum: there are some battles that kill you, and some that make you stronger. For me, it was the latter. I never saw myself as a victim of circumstances, but as an adventurer who must, from time to time, cross troubled waters.
For more insightful view of Mr Coelho go to Paulo Coelho Blog
Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru Hijrah 1429 to all Muslim readers of this humble blog. May the new year brings us more blessing and serenity, InsyaAllah.
Taking it as it is......
The past and future are what haunt us everyday in our life. We think the present is hard and unbearable. But it really is not. It is when we try to understand what had happened or to think of what will happen that makes the present unbearable. That is all we need, to focus on the present, live in the moment. Not to be consumed by the past as it is drifting further and further away from us. Not to worry about the future as we'll get there someday.
I want to do that, I am trying to just deal with the present because it is what I am presented with. We can't dwell on the past or the future, what we have is the present. It is in this moment that we have a complete control of. So why not make it the best as we can?
I read 'Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do'
Things not worth fighting for........
Greetings my dearest! I'm back! The trip was fuckintastic kick ass awesome. Had fun the whole trip though it was very very exhausting. Bought 4 books, didn't get to spend as much time as I would prefer at the book stores. But got the books that I wanted. So it's all good!
The trip was a trial for my 'Don't think just do' motto and it surely was enjoyable. Sometimes we contemplate too much on whether or not to do something and ended up not doing it. Well, I skipped over the contemplating and just do. Of course there were lots of money well spent. Did get to do few of sightseeing and other tourists activities. Took the opportunity to get up close and personal with the dolphins. How often can one touch and pat a dolphin? It has to be one of my best lifetime experience. We wanted to try the luge but the only way back was by a skyride and since Tee was so afraid of height, we didn't.
Will try to do a proper post tomorrow, InsyaAllah. By proper I mean one of those obscure thoughts. Need to write something to make sure that I still have my contemplating ability.
Playing the game on our own..........
1st January 2008, a perfect day to begin a fresh chapter in my life. Somehow today everything seems to fall into the right places, that everything made sense.. Somehow, the storm is over and the sea back in its calm state again.
On a lighter note, my ultimate new year resolution for 2008 is to always find the positive in everything. My 2007 resolution was to be a better person and I think I've achieved that in a way only I could understand. It's more to the intrinsic quality rather than the obvious. Anyway, so with this new resolution I hope to achieve greater things and be the person I thought I'll never be. Whoever it will be.
As continuing on my pursuit of happiness, serenity and contentment, and to enjoy life and just do things without having much thoughts in it, I'll be going to Singapore tommorow. Haha! Too exxaggerated? Oh well! I deserve a break after all the hardship that I've been through. Hope for it to be a BLAAAAAASTTT!
So, No!, I will not be able to blog until I get back which is sunday. Please be patient my dear friends. Hiatus will be my middle name for now. For now!
It seemed like we wanted things different as long as they stayed the same...........
