Quotomatic Machine: Changes

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up; it simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be."

Suffocated

Beware of plastics! Huhuhu

Life's Continuity Equation

Our lives are intertwined. Our actions do affect others no matter how insignificant it might seemed. That's just the way it is. There is no randoms in life. Everything happen for a reason. A reason that exists for something else to take place.

Your left is my right......

The Obsession...

Us, human, are too obsess with everything. We are too obsess with love, money, career, life and many other things. We are too obsess that we forgot how to live. We are too obsess to live that we forgot how to feel alive.

I know I am obsess with many things. And I know some of you know why I'm talking about this. The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. All I can say about the book is, it's so true! Anyway, I finished reading the book and there are many lessons to learn. I won't do the whole book review thing cos it's better if you read it yourself.

Anyhow, back to what I'm trying to say here is I learn that I am obsess with many thing one of which is something which I initially thought as being determined. I am obsess with getting control over everything I do, or everything that involves me. I get frustrated when things doesn't go my way. And I often wonder why? At one stage I thought it was karma but it is not exactly that. I do good things and I don't get the reward I expected.

And it's only recently I learnt that I can not expect to be fully rewarded. I am not the judge of my own effort. That is why I often find myself frustrated with almost everything.

So this is my take. In order to be content with everything, I need to look deep within me and start from the heart. It is the only way for this lesson to be purely learnt. It is always when we fully expect something that we get dissapointed. I'm not saying that we can not have full expectations on things. What I'm trying to say is that we have to be ready, to be content with things forthcoming no matter what they bring.

Time, has a game of its own.........

Absent of Love

'You are nobody, never even dare to think that you know more than we do. You are of no importance, you can do nothing right, your work is of no significance, but as long as you never challenge us, you will live a happy life. Always take what we say seriously and never laugh at our opinions' - The Law of Jante (The Zahir, Paulo Coelho)

It's not that I've ran out of words to say. It's not that I don't feel any emotions worth writing. It's only that I feel words of others speaks clearer than mine. Though, ironically, the above paragraph are not in any relation with how I'm feeling at the moment. Heh! Having too many thoughts does leave one clueless.

I'm sorry if I play too much game......

Dante's The Divine Comedy

'The day that man allows true love to appear, those things which are well made will fall into confusion and will overturn everything we believe to be right and true'

The world will become real when man learns how to love; until then we will live in the belief that we know what love is, but will always lack the courage to confront it as it truly is.

Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. - The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

We enjoy one hour of anxiety for every minute of peace........

Not The Right Person.....

'That is why it is important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are' - The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

At the end of the day, what does it matter?

It's Her Birthday

A star was born on this very date, 27 years ago. Happy birthday and thank you for being my strength. May you be blessed in every steps that you take. HuGs. Love you :)

The Wheel Rotates.....

Tomorrow is thursday and I have not prepare anything for my lectures for tomorrow, friday and saturday. Erkkk!! I'm still in a 'raya mood' which is not really a raya mood but thats just the fancy name I decided to name laziness this time around. So here I am stuck in the office trying to get into typing the first word on the slides but instead I'm here, posting my words away in this blog. The irony!

I need my space now.........

3rd Raya

With the usual crowd.

Expected: You

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Nappy Rash

Was at Pye's place playing Pictionary and raya visits of course. The above is a 'Nappy Rash' as drawn by Erda. What do you think it is?

All Eyes On Me........

I have a new addiction. And I'm loving it. I don't know why I'm so hooked. I guess it provides me the distraction I much needed. At least maybe it will help me to forget and get over something. In case I wanted to........

It's starting to bore me.......

My Priceless Loves....

I learnt a lesson yesterday, amidst the numbness I felt towards raya. During the raya visits, I found myself in a different world with the siblings. We talked, played, joked around, and laughed all the way towards the end regardless the fact that we were raya-ing and that we are not kids anymore.. The hosts n hostesses of the houses we visited acted as active audiences. And they too were laughing to our antics and jokes. It's rare to get all of us the sibs together in one place at the same time and so when it happens, it really is some moment to remember especially when my brother Adly is around. He's still a sweet cheeky little boy inside. Heh!

Anyway, the lesson learnt was that siblings are the best gift God ever give us. Of course there were fights and tears, but there were also hugs, kisses and laughters. We tend to take them for granted, the people we love the most especially when you see them everyday. We ask yourself, 'What's new?'. Well, there's always something new if we open up and embrace the moment as if it's our last. Isn't that the point of living at all? To live to the fullest, try everything, be brave, be fragile and be happy. All we need is to give people a chance to show what they are capable of. And we'll be surprised to see what impact they have to our life.

I'm glad for yesterday, I truly am. I see the siblings in a more positive colours and I love them more now. Alhamdulillah!

Don't be afraid to what you are......

A Blessing......

The dusk closes the curtain of Ramadhan bringing in the face of Syawal. Tired and hunger faces are now carved with smiles and sparkles. The festive season is here again. An auspicious time to seek forgiveness and rekindle love among family and friends. I'm not always a fan of Aidil Fitri. I guess I was too broken to ever experience the joyous moment I used to have. Enough said! I'm trying to get a new perspective. Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel.

All I need is a chance..........

Forgiveness Brings Inner Peace

'........Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves'

I so enjoy reading Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven :)

Selamat hari raya people. Don't forget to forgive ;)

Comes Syawal...

I would like to wish my fellow readers, friends, family and all the Muslims out there....

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Kalau ada yang termakan, terminum, terhutang, terambil, tergigit, terpigang please lah sedekahkan tia tarus. Kalau ada yang tersindir, terasa dgn senghaja atau tidak senghaja, terambil hati, jauh hati, kecil hati mohon maafkan. Baik tah bawa check hati atu ke hospital. Last but not least, berhati-hati lah semasa open house, jangan gelogoh makan. Pandu cermat jiwa selamat, BUCKLE UP. Wear your seatbelts.

Truly and Sincerely, Lynno

Losing Momentum...

I've done the first consultancy lecture for this term!! Come tommorow, if not raya, then I'll have to take the second class. So I'm hoping, really really hoping that it'll be raya tommorow. Hehe!

I've changed the layout colour of this blog, nothing much..same template different colour. I'm not really the type that deco nice, fancy, cute stuffs on things. For me, simplicity is a beauty. Heh! Apakan! So you know in case I come across as a boring person, I really am not! Seriously! It just happens that different things give us excitement.

You need to dig deeper and find it out yourself...........

What Matters...

It doesn't matter where you go in life, what you do or how much you have. What matters is who you have besides you.

And will you let me have you?

Going Through The Days....

Was playing around with this birth date thingy and this is what I got for yours truly born on the 21st day of the last month.

Your goal is to develop self mentally and spiritually. Your restlessness enables you to adapt to life's changing patterns. You have to differentiate between needs and wants. Benefits from the lesson offered by current situation than expecting tomorrow to solve your problems. Your search of new experiences can make you dissatisfied. Your ruling planet is Jupiter symbolises growth and wisdom and you can be an excellent teacher.

I knew it........

Between Needing and Living....

We often find our judgement wrong because we mostly follow what the heart wants. But what the heart wants is not necessarily what it needs. We want to believe that its right, without considering any other factors. So the heart is not always right. Then again, what else is a better judge and decision maker than the heart? The brain?

Well, one can argue that. But it is the brain that reconfirms what the heart wants and rarely disagree with it. And when both the heart and brain disagree, its always the heart that has the final say. We are often driven by our emotions rather than our cognition. We always say 'follow your instinct'. So there has got to be some truth in that.

When one's heart is experiencing a turmoil, its judgement is also affected. So how can we know its the right one (by what the heart really wants) or not? How can we trust our instincts now? How can we decide then?

The one person you can't live without........

Dream BIGGER!!

I'm so loving Jamie Scott and The Town's When Will I See Your Face Again. Its so classic with a modern touch. Nur! If you're reading this go download the song now! Now!! Haha majal. And download One Republic's Stop and Stare as well. Pokoknya, to whoever is reading this, go download the 2 songs mentioned. You won't regret it, nothing to lose anyway. Haha yes this is cheap publicity. But seriously! Go download now. Trust me! I have good taste in music and everything else! Hahahaha ;)

Raya is coming soon. I'm experiencing an urge to buy things but I don't know what exactly. I guess I'm in a mood to splash out some money. Siapa kan minta belanja laju tah, just wait for me at The Mall entrance 3pm tomorrow. Ha ha!

Someone sings 'you have to give more than you take'. I agree with him. I don't have a point to elaborate on here, not at the moment anyway. I only want to share what I found interesting. My sleepiness is taking its toll. Excuse me beautiful dreamers.

I've got my heart set........

Caught Up With Everything......

I'm sinking deeper and deeper. I'm just going with the flow. The flow though calm is flowing faster than I expected. Even then, I don't have a problem with the momentum. Its when it stop that I'll do. No matter how much I prepare myself for that moment, I'll never handle it well.

Insensitive and too analytical.......

Night Calm......

I have a feeling. I'm still trying to understand it. Its hard especially when I have my demons around. Heh!

I'm more settled now. Managed to put things back into place. At least for now. This peace of mind is long overdue.

Don't let it stop......

Quotomatic Machine: Teachers (1)

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

All Things Painful....

What hurts the most? Physical or emotional pain? My paralysing shoulder pain is back again. And when I said paralysing it really is that bad. I'm lying flat on d floor as I blog. Hehe doesn't seem to ease much of d pain. Gave dencorub every half an hour and that doesn't help much either. Humph! Kan nangis ku eh! Serious! I feel so helpless!

Last time I had this pain was more than 4 years ago back in Manchester. The english doctors were even dazed that no painkillers help. She almost gave me codaine to take for the pain but after discussion we decided not to. We don't want yours truly to be a junkie, do we now? Huhu so ended up taking co-codamol for the pain although it didn't help a lot but good enough to make one high *_*

We think we are great until we make mistakes.....

Love Can Not Be Wrong

I'm feeling a bit sluggish today. I was in an ok mood last night and I woke up feeling worse. Heh! The day is so far dull, adding to my fueling numbness. I'm just clueless again. The incompetence of me being caught up with too much thoughts.

Sungkai with Peng And Hana was really really fun yesterday. Went around the shops for a bit before heading to Swensens. Its always fun to chill and hang out with them. Conversation was always interesting as well. Went to Fleur d'Lys right after to have a cuppa and talk some more. We have little projects of our own which shall remain unknown forever and ever. Huehue! Right Hana? Good luck to us :)

There has to be a reason.....

Nothing to Say.........

Its one of those day where I'm feeling so incompetent.

Don't Let It End.....

Why settle for less when you can have more? I want more. There's no use turning back now. Might as well do it all the way. Doesn't matter what the end will bring. What matters is whether you are putting in enough effort or not. No regrets remember? :)

Once is good enough.........

Think Nothing!

I've been sitting in front of an empty post template for 15 minutes as I have run out of things to say. Or rather I chose not to talk about it here cos there's no point dealing with it now that I'm not at my best. I seriously am so clueless!

Something to think about..........

Life is a Cartoon

Too much happening yet nothing to say. Enjoy the cartoon impression of me.

When anger rises, think of the consequences.........

This morning, I woke up with so much anger. My tolerance level is being teased. The threshold of my patience is wearing thin. There'll be a day when I will not care anymore, a day that seems to come sooner than later. I doubt I'll have any regrets when it come. I don't know what I'm on about.

Oh before I go on further, Happy Birthday Nur!! May Allah bless you in whatever you do. Mutual acquaintances brought us as friends but that doesn't mean you are less appreciated :) Did you not get my sms or did you not?? Did you not?? Haha majal!

Anyway, I got so much to let out but I can't find the perfect way to. I don't think I'll ever find the right moment to do so. Isn't it just sad? To have something left unspoken, unattended but it still bugs you. It's like you are stuck there and then, unable to do anything. Unable to take charge of your life. Nothing can be done except to back off and watch the world goes by in front of you. And hope, sincerely hope that one day you will be where you want to be.

I feel like driving (golf) some time soon. Been wanting to go for ages, somehow I feel like I need to go. Then again its Ramadhan, early evening is just not possible. So what do you do?? What do you do??? Arghhhh mikin stress!!! *_*

The best way to kill a person is by breaking their heart..........

Soon You'll Find Its A Little Too Late

I've been very busy today. Spent the whole morning background reading on the afternoon lectures' topic. Didn't get the chance to sit idly in front of the pc. Didn't get to update the last post neither. OOoppsss!

I love Keira Knightley. I don't know why I just do. I know its totally random but who cares. I'm trying to divert my attention from writing grim, unclear, depressing stuffs which I'm agitating to write about. But enough is enough. For now though. Its so exhausting. I need a break. Will you give me a break? Cut me some slack? Will you? ;)

For once, what do you want?

On The Brighter Side of Day....

I need to do something with my wake-up time. Its sooooo not good!! Heeeee! Does that mean I have to do something with my bedtime too?? Haha! Oh well! I'm actually clueless on what to post today. I always have something to write when I'm feeling under the weather but when I'm in a calm peaceful mood not really. Hmmm...I'll figure out something to write later as for now I have a test to invigilate.

Love can not and will never be defined.

God Does Not Play Dice With The Universe

God is certain with everything. We aren't! We never do. We think we know what we are doing, the rational behind it. But we are always wrong if not most of the time.

It never is a fair cut..

The Game We Are Playing......

A plane crashed near my house last night...in my dream. Heh heh! But this is not the first time, had similar dreams twice already so this will be the third time. And it gets more and more real. Humph! Could it be some sort of a sign? Like my life is crumbling down in front of me and I'm not sensing it? Could it be my downfall?? The end of my dreams and hopes, the end of me perhaps?? Heh! I don't wanna think much about it. I've already had enough things to occupy my mind. Which btw, reminds me that I've been having plenty of dreams lately. Some were good, some were bad, but its always the bad one that overshadows the good one no matter how good it was. The plane crash dream doesn't fall neither in good or bad category, they are just intangible!

I've been feeling void these past couple of days. There's so much on my mind that I can't think anymore. Why do we take the long winding path to achieve something? Is it for the excitement? Is it for the journey? Or is it just us human, to make ourselves feel alive?

I found this verse on one of the emails. I thought it'll be nice to share only the good part. Hehe!

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

Ayte, I'll leave you beautifuls with that.

I'm going with the flow.........

Its Never Too Late To Do Something About It..............

SiGh!! Let the photos speak for itself. Will post more later as I'm running out of time. Toodles.....

//updated//
Paid a visit to the hospital again this morning to bring Lucy cos her abdomenal pain were still there and worse. Went home around 4.30 am, took a glass of water and sunk into bed. I was so knackered I slept til 11am. Haha took the afternoon lab and hung out with the boys at the lab office playing Winning Eleven. Lost 2 game but won one. Haha they underestimated the footballing skill of a lady. This will not be the last, you have been warned! Stayed til 3pm so its ok that I have something to occupy my time.

I don't want to be caught with my demons. Distraction is the key. Remember that! Ok I'm not making sense now. Heh! Excuse me.

The calm sea is brewing a storm..............

Where I Was 4am In The Morning.

The unfamiliar view of the RIPAS hospital in the early morning. Bet you don't see this that often. Haha

//edited// Yawn! It has been a very very long night yesterday. There's just so many things happening that all I want to do is to pause a bit and take a moment to ease :)

The light shining through.........

Ramadhan Stars

Sungkai with the stars and shooters.

Risky Business

The gurls and guy hung out at my crib last night.

In fact, Pye and Ann are still here playing Risk. Erda and bf left a while ago as she needed to go home before her parents woke up for sahur. The two gurls are staying til morning as its already too late to go home. So they are going to eat sahur with the family. Hehe! I could have been in bed already as earlier I had a horrible headache but Erda texted wanting to hang out at my place so here we are. Thank God its sunday!!

Ayte, I'm gonna get back to the game. Yours truly is kicking their ass real bad! Whehehe!

I'm still uncertain.......

Make The Nights Come Sooner....

Its somewhat breathtaking how your day can turn from good to bad in seconds. And I believed there's a series of events that lead to it. They go unnoticed. We might do one thing that seemed innocent then booomm! ur hit right on the face. Heh! Too dramatic? I think not! Its true really that for certain things to occur, there'll be series of events that lead to it. One event alone is not responsible for the main thing to occur. There has to be series of events that lead to the main one. Haha! majal jua aku atu ah! So here I am, with my thoughts alone, trying to figure out the significant events that lead me to where I am now. I still can't. And its killing me to not know.

I'm still at work, office hours is until 2pm but three of the colleagues went home already just because its saturday and its ECA day. Like there's gonna be any ECA during Ramadhan. Anyway, I asked them to stay but they wouldn't because they have ECAs to attend to. Uhuks! So here I am, not wanting to go home cos I rather keep myself occupied with other things than my thoughts. My thoughts are exhausting me!!

Looking for the finish line...........

The Lighter Days

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to watch your back all the time. Someone to catch you when you fall. Someone who'll always be there for you no matter what. If others are willing to give up anything to have this why would one take it for granted? Just a thought! :)

Its back to work tomorrow. Somehow, I'm looking forward to it. I know! Seriously right! What the heck is wrong with me. Maybe its just me being caught in the spur moment of insanity. Haha!

You owe me the truth......

Uno Night

Something to get the night by.

Garden of The Heavens

Ramadhan is finally here again. Last night during terawih, I was at peace, eventhough it lasted there and then. Even if it was only for a few minutes of my day. I found myself with serenity. I'm seeking for it again tonight. InsyaAllah :)

Its funny how there are some things beyond our control but we still tried to work it out. We failed and failed again. We get our dissapointment. But we never stop trying. We couldn't stop trying could we? Thats just not human.

Already a part of me.......

All Over Again....

So the fasting season is going to start on thursday. Classes today was fun especially the last period. The students are fun with this group. I think I have a favourite group already hahaha bias!! Eh!! nada ku bias ah. Nothing wrong with having a favourite group jua. Bwoh!! defensive tia plang.

Coming up is another obscure thoughts so stay away if your depressed......heh heh heh!!

I wish I have an off button, where I can just use it a times like this. Where I can just wake up in the morning and not remembering anything. Like starting fresh all over. But we are human and thats not possible. I can't just reset everything to zero all over again. We remember, and memories hurt sometimes.

Take me to a place where disaster ends....................

Change Anything To Fit Everything....

I was reading Nur's site and found this beautiful quote. So I stole it or rather copy and paste it from her site cos I want to share it with you guys. Hehe boleh ah Nur! Its not ur quote anyway :p

“When someone sees the same people every day, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” from The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo.

It explains perfectly how I'm feeling at the moment. Funny how a complete stranger can describes how one exactly feel. I guess, thats how life works. People that you know may be a stranger to you and a stranger may feel like you've known them your whole life. 'm sorry if I don't make sense to you, I'm finding it hard to comprehend myself nowadays *crooked smile*

Today, the imams and their kuncus will be sighting the anak bulan Ramadhan, so puasa can start tomorrow or in case the moon is invisible then it will fall on Thursday. I'm so grateful its Ramadhan again, I really really am.

(Random rambling coming up.....)

I want to adapt to change, I can adapt to it. I think I can. But its hard when people are turning their backs on you especially the ones that matter. Seriously, I don't know what I did wrong. I'm just minding my own business. I was just being myself so how can I be casted into a shadow of guilt? Fuck it, they don't really care about you....

Not everything is about you.......................

My Solitude

Wouldn't it be nice if life were as calm as this.

Ended On A High Note.

I am a sailor lost at sea teased by the luring of different harbours. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm enjoying my ride with the wave eventhough it can be rough on me sometimes. That wave is you.

Before I go any further, a late birthday shout out to Lolly. I did text her on her birthday. And welcome home Pystar who's back for good. Thanx for d Millie's. Hehe

Anyhow, going to have our last handball training today before the arrival of the holy month Ramadhan. There might be some late night training (late as in 9pm onwards) during d fasting season. Check out d handball blog for updates.

I haven't been feeling well lately. Probably because of the confused weather, haha confused ani bah. Yes! Confused weather! You read it right. Anyway, maybe its because of some other late night activities, which by the way, is NOT what you are thinking. If I'm right on what I think you think I'm talking about :p

We were blinded to see what other people see on us.....

I Need To Go Away.........

But I don't think I can make it anywhere but here....

Totally Tuesday

Dinner with the girls after handball. Era's first training after months long hiatus. Welcome back to the handball scene babe. Welcome back to War too, saturday lagi ah. Hehe =)



Handball training was great especially after the long hard day at work, it was good to de-stress and prepare myself for a new tomorrow. Haha apakan! But seriously it felt good to let the anger out. Humph! I think I'm pms-ing. I have another class tomorrow at 10 and then again in the afternoon. Huarghhh!! Can my life be anymore exciting?

Shed a little light cos its getting complicated.........................

Colourful Equipments

Excuse the quality of the picture. Its mobile blogging not photographing.

Was trying to read through my lecture notes for the BLNG course but ended up shading the diagrams instead. Intellectual stuff ehy?

Tuesday is my busiest day of the week. Classes are for the whole day which is keraaazzziiieeeee but I guess I'm handling it well so far. On top of that, there's handball after work which I'm not complaining about and probably the only highlight of my day besides some other stuffs that shall not be mentioned. Haha apakan!

I haven't been playing hockey in ages. Not because of handball but entah ah. So Lolly has been bugging me to come for training which I'm still deciding. Its not as fun as its used to be anymore. A lot has changed since the previous coach left. Not saying that the current coach is not good its just that the atmosphere are not there anymore. I'm still trying to put together the little pieces of excitement I used to feel.

Show me a way to be...............

A Different Perspective

A calming view lying down on the sidewalk. Hehe

Post 4.30pm Activity

After a long hard day at work, this is our remedy....

Another Package To Deliver........

I was approached by the HOD to take half semester of the BLNG consultancy course this September. I have to say although the pay is good but I'm a bit reluctant to take it as I've already have 2 other subjects this semester. Unfortunately, I still have to take it as there's no other lecturer who is urmm.... eligible to teach this subject. Haha! For the consultancy course, 2 lecturers are assigned to teach one subject, one in the first half of the semester and the other towards the end. So I managed to persuade my other colleague to take the first half of the semester so I'll have more time to prepare for the classes. Hehe!

The subject for the consultancy course is a bit different from what I usually teach as it has more theory rather than calculation in it. I guess its similar to what I did last time. So I need to polish up my knowledge on the theoretical side to suplement the lecture better. The question is will I have time to want to do so? :)

Weekly Routine

This is how my timetable looks like this semester. I just noticed that I have all afternoons occupied except for saturday. Yikesss! I'm not at my best in the afternoon. Fortunately, I only have one early morning class which is great. So I guess I loses some and win some. Hehe apakan!! I thought it would be difficult to teach two different subject simultaneously in the semester but I'm coping well with it.

Anyway, the students nowadays are more cheeki-er but they are still good students. Although I've been complaining a lot about work and how mundane it is. Somehow, when I was there standing in front of them, teaching, I feel like I belong there. Its like this is what I'm meant to do. Its just the other part of the profession that is killing me. Hmm! The students never failed to make me smile. Although once in a while, they do get in my nerve. But somehow they can sense it jua and they tried to make it all ok in their own cheeky way. Hehehe! I'm refering to the seniors by the way, the new intake are urm......okay I guess. There are some good students but a few gets into my nerve all the time. We'll see how their results go in the exams.

On another note, I think I have the coolest people in my department in the institution. They just rock! Feel like family! Nyeahhhhh!! I gotta run..

It left unspoken.................

Fast End A Slow Start

I'm so lazy dat I need a good kick on d back to make me move forward. Even with the kicking I doubt I'll be making much progress. Had a quick glance at d lecture slides for tomorrow. Just need to thoroughly read through it and some other little background stuffs. I'm yet to decide which lab to do but I'll think about it tomorrow. The next paragraph is not work related.

I must say I'm much more settle now. A little bumpy along d road once in a while but I'm feeling much better. Its much more clearer to me and much much more easier. Its hard to get our life back on track once it shifted but we have to do it nonetheless. Otherwise, we are just going to drift further and further away. Heh heh!

Why should we stop the only thing that feels so right?

What's Cooking 4 Monday?

25 slides of lecture to go through. There goes my weekend. Hmm!

Let's RUN Together..........

I found a new song to listen to every seconds of my day!!! Hahaha! Sad banar bunyi nya! I can get easily hooked up to listening to just one song if I like it very very much which in this case I weally weally like it very very much!!!! It suits the genre I really love...the slow indie rock kinda music. A few days before this I can't stop listening to Thirteen Senses' Into The Fire....but now its Snow Patrol's Run all the way baby!!! *Grins*

Snow Patrol - Run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
....................................................................

Now is it a great song or what? Hahaha I think that shud be it for this morning or even today. I wanna bury myself into this song today :)

It's beautiful and so sincere........................

An Unexamined Life Is A Life Not Worth Living...

I feel like I need to take up the challenge. Unhide myself from my safety blanket for once. Get out of the comfort zone and face life at its purest nature. I only live once right so why not I take it to the fullest. Live on the edge, makes myself worth living. I need it. I need it to feel alive.

All I need is a sign......

Jobless

Having a go at mobile blogging. Photo taken using my SE Hp with built in Blogger thingy. Nice!!! I so much love..........

Take It All Away..........

Its really really cold today. I'm so not liking how my day went so far. Though I enjoy cold weather but today it just adds to the coldness and emptiness I'm feeling. No specific reason really. I think I woke up to the wrong side of bed.

Lab is less in an hour. Haiyaaaaaaa!!! I so don't liiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Will try to post more later. For now, I'm out!

Its either you get a new job or a new life..........

edited//

Lab was ok this morning. Could have been better if more students were willing to participate instead of acting all cool and whatever. By the end of the day, durang jua yg tesangkut tu. I've seen many so please act up! Hehe marah! Tau udah I got off the wrong side of bed they are teasing my patient some more. Huargghhhh!!

Anyway, I've been getting some comments from a friend regarding the nature of my posts lately. She said 'its mysterious and creepy!!' Hahaha! Creepy??! What the...!! Anyway, I don't know I just wrote whetever I feel like writing. So its basically the mood I'm caught in the moment of posting. So I think I owe her a normal kinda post which is what I'm trying to do now. I don't want to scare her off being creepy and all although I know she's hooked!! Hahaha! i guess its driving her nuts with me writing all those stuffs.

Silliness at Its BEST!

Ya know...I can be so silly sometimes. Its too bimbo its embarrasing. I had to do a water bath experiment this morning. The apparatus was being used earlier by another lecturer. I were to get the water boiling from room temperature however since it was being used earlier the temperature of the water was around 80 Celcius. So since the water was already 80 degree was kinda stunned of what to do next. Bangang to the max!! I mean if you want to increase the water temperature just boil it and wait. But what if you want to decrease the temperature so you can start the experiment over again. So I told the students that we can't do the experiment cos of the obvious reason only to complain to a colleague later in the office about it and his respond was 'Why didn't you just throw the water away?' Toink!!! Bimbo banar!! Hahahaha!! Actually, to make a stand for myself, I was kinda caught up in the whole experiment thing cos I deals with compressors and evaporators and in these cases, throwing off whatever is not possible. How silly is that to overlook at the simple things to do just because............

So I have to retake the class on saturday for them to finish off the experiment. Huhu! Have to stay back after 12 but don't think it will take that long anyway so I should be done in less than an hour. Cari pasal bah! Ani pedah2 plang ada class lagi on a saturday afternoon!! Lunch time even!! Errkkkkssssssssss

Whip it all away................

It Goes Unnoticed.....

It sucks sometimes to not be the upper hand. Its frustrating to have d ball in ur court without knowing what game ur playing.

For once.....

One of Those Days....

I'm running out of things to say. Not that I'm clueless or whatever at the moment..ok ok I am a bit clueless but I've been trying to find new things to talk about instead of....well you can see from my previous post that I've been a bit under the weather. Ok ok...maybe not a bit.

(30 minutes later....) I still don't know what to talk about. Things that I wanted to are the most things that I cannot say. Hmmm! Anyway, this post acts as my obligation to Wano who bugs me for update. Though she had an interesting comment regarding my posts. Hehehe!! Maybe I should start taking photos...at least ada jua kan d liat d blog ani. Hmmm :)

Ohh I bought a new phone a week ago. Its a Sony Ericsson Walkman (I forgot the serial number!) I love it. I love it to the max! The walkman feature has been a sanctuary for me to be on my own space even when there's people around. This is anti-social at its best. So if you want to be one..buy the SE Walkman series. Be anti social be cool! Haha apakan!

The final year project list for the students are out already. Unfortunately, one of my study, the investigation of wingtip vortices of aircraft with and without winglet has been denied as we don't have a wind tunnel apparatus for high speed simulation experiment as intended. So I'm left with one project only and that is the Air conditioning ducting system for the PLINT A/C Experimental Bench in one of our labs. I already have two students who were interested to do the aircraft project but I guess I couldn't do anything about it. I could though suggest another aircraft related project but then since nobody ask me to proposed another one so I'll be content with just one project. Tapi kesian ku jua anak dua orang atu...krg frust menonggeng drg. Hmmm! With The A/C, this girl keeps coming back to the office to tell me that she booked me for the project. Ada jua main booking rupanya....huhuhu! Ahh! Students! They can be adorable sometimes hehehe

On a string..............

Its A Choice I Have To Make.........

..........and its a hard one. I wish I don't have to make decision like this. Its hard and it is emotionally draining. I don't know what's left of me now.....

People makes choices, they make mistakes. But I can't afford to make one this time. I have to make the right one. The one that I'm not even so sure of. I've given all my might comprehending everything. I never succeed.....

A palm reader once said to me...'at one stage of your life, your life will completely change, maybe for the better or otherwise' Her words constantly ring in my ears....

All I need is a one good reason..........

I'm Sorry That I Could Not Be As Perfect As You Wanted Me.....

Among the crowds I found myself with my thoughts alone....

Just A Thought....

What if you never get to have the thing you wanted the most.

Day Two and Counting...

Had my last physio yesterday morning and talked to one of physio there regarding my progress. He's such a bubbly and funny guy. Whenever I asked him a question he'd go 'You want a happy or unhappy answer?' So I asked him how long will it take for my shoulder to fully heal and I chose to listen to a happy answer, he said 2 weeks. Great stuffs! I asked him, 'Then, I can play next weeeek?' Unhappy answer, a simple no. It actually took two months for a muscle injury to heal and regenerate itself. So I have 4 weeks to do that which means I'll be sweating, trying to keep my feet off the court. Haiyaaa! I think I can do it..haha! After all, I have to think of the long term otherwise it will be a recurring injury. But four weeks?? Bahapa tah ku tu??

Anyway, do you know that being human is tiring? Its good but its tiring :)

Its Either You Need A New Life Or..................

I hate being the decision maker. I hate having the ball in my court. Its exhausting! It really is. Life has been similar to a ride of rollercoaster..its been tiring and exhilarating at the same time. I'm truly exhausted in all aspects. Started work on saturday after my 4 days mc...shoulder is getting better though I know I still can't play yet..not in the couple of weeks but I'm soooooooooooooooooooo tempted. So I might play...then again I might not.

We lost in the handball final by a margin of two goals to nil by the way, didn't get to play in the final due to the sustained shoulder injury. I was a bit dissapointed with that but tomorrow is going to be a better day, so I was told to remember. SiGh!

Shed a little light cos its getting harder to comprehend..................

You're Just Like The Moon Only Brighter......

The question of the week has been 'Will the stars shine tomorrow?' The knock-out stage of the 1st Brunei Handball Tournament is scheduled tomorrow. The final placing of the women's table is not final yet as Nakotta and Black Pearls haven't play against each other. The top four standing can change so we don't know who will play against in the semi until Nakotta and Pearls play. We've been inviting our friends and students as well to come support us. It'll be good publicity for handball as well. I'm still nursing my pinky and thumb injury and to add salt to it, my arm is quite strainful.

Anyway, til monday. lets hope we'll win. Amin! I'm actually using my cousin's internet connection without her knowing so I gotta make it a fast entry :) By the way, everyone is welcome to come to MPH to watch the finals of the handball, it will start at 2. Shooting Stars supporters please wear black and red. Hehehe!

Edited...

Just got back from Pantai Jerudong meliat fireworks with my little cousins and siblings. It was fun especially with lots of kids in the wheeler. As Nora said, kids are easily entertained and I couldn't disagree any less. In case you are wondering, I have permission of using my cousin's Wani laptop now. Hehe! Anyway, I'm sure you will not be surprised if I tell you that all day long I have been thinking about handball..tomorrow's tournament exactly. I'm quite satisfied with where I am now and how I play but anything is possible. I might fucked up when it really matters. But hopefully not. I'm not as nervous as I was earlier in the day..I think I'm more focused now which is good cos it drives the nerves away. Then again maybe this focused state of mind is temporary since I'm considerably occupied with other things especially tonight. Today's training was ok, though we didn't get to do much as a team as not all were present but individiually we managed to improve our skills. I think! Hehehe. Oh! good thing is I don't have to worry about sleeping in late tonight as the game starts in the afternoon nonetheless I'll have to make sure that I won't oversleep.

On another note, August is coming near and there'll be some honest and thorough decision to be made. I have yet to decide on it and with little time left I'm basically clueless. Then again, if I choose to accept it if offered then I guess my life will change almost drastically. Then again there's my family to consider. Can it get more tougher than this? If in case the offer is not there then its ok..its life as usual. But I've been thinking bah, you know when I'm dead or old and if someone were to ask me something like ''What did you do when you live? Anything great or something like that?' Then I'm afraid the answer will be a dissapointing no. I feel like I need to take charge of my life..do what I want to do and enjoy the most. I need to be kept on my feet constantly..I need some new challenges. Macam wouldn't it be cool if my answers were to be 'Yes, when I was working offshore in China, we were caught in a middle of a typhoon' or something like that. Okay...I know I'm weird but that gets my adrenalin running. Heh! I better stop now. Need to get home and rest for tomorrow.

The ball is in your court...........

The Stars Are High...........

This is a long overdue post that I intended for some time around last week after the handball tournament. The internet connection went haywired in the middle of posting so here it goes:

I have not been busy the past days that I've ignored this blog. I was deprived away from internet access even during work cos I've been spending most of my time not in my office at work. Hehe! Anyways, the group stages for the handball tournament was a total success on monday. The Shooting Stars lead the ladies' table standing with 13 points and are through to the semi final. Our semi opponent are yet to be known as Black Pearl and Nakotto has a game in hand. The Brunei Times has been doing a good coverage since the beginning of the tournament so a special thanx to the reporter Amelia. She doesn't know bout this site but nonetheless.....

Click here for news from Brunei Times

So You Sailed Away

There's a lot of things been going on the past week mostly with handball. The first Brunei Handball Tournament will kicked off on the 16th at the Multi Purpose Hall, with round robin matches for both men and women's group. The finals date has yet to be confirmed due to some difficulties with the venue. There's a lot of other tournament and events coming up so I'll be difficult to get an available space for the finals, even worse, for trainings as well. We've finally agreed on our team's name for the tournament and we are now called the Shooting Stars.

I didn't get to train and play a lot lately during the handball sessions mainly because I don't want to overstrain my injuries which up til now consists of my right thumb and pinky finger, my right ankle and my left knee. Hahaha! So most of the time I was helping the STPRI team for the upcoming game. Although they did play handball for their ECA a few times but relative to the other teams they are still new. Unfortunately, there is little time to teach them all the basics so all that can be done for the tournament is for them to play in a very tactical manner. Did gave them few hints and tips, and a little bit of dirty play but hey! they really need it. So haha! yeah..hopefully, they'll improve in the next couple of days. However, if the keep on training regularly and I hope they will, they have vast potentials as they are still young and energetic.

I got to run..............

The Fourth on the Seventh

First of all, I wanna wish a Happy Happy Smashing Birthday to my brother Phad who's celebrating his 22nd birthday today.

Yesterday's futsal tournament was great fun. It was the first competitive game I've played in such a long time after the ban of women's football exactly. We didn't play as Kirana yesterday, in fact Minx, Ina and I were imports for Warriors. The team qualified to the semi final after finishing second in the group stage with 2 wins, one draw and one defeat. Lost in the Semi to DF-B with a 4-1 scoreline. The sole goal in the game scored by Pye the captain. For the 3rd placing match we played against DF-A whom we lost to in the group stage. We lost the match by a single goal as we did the group stage match. The tournament lasted in the morning and I was told that the men's game started in the afternoon after the Jumaat prayers. My younger younger brother played but I forgot to ask him how his team did as he only came back late at night.

Right after the tournament Waz and Mia went for lunch and hung out at my place right after, played cards and risk until around 5. It was fun to just chill and have fun once in a while. Thanx for the band Waz, I love it. My body is still sore after yesterday's tournament, my ankle was already beyond help even before it started. Its a recurring injury I had since a month ago, the same as my right pinky finger. Hehe! Thinking to not play handball later to rest a bit but then again...its handball. What are the chances?? But seriously I need to take a break. I need a good full body massage. Any takers? The handball tournament is coming up soon and I need to pick my game up. SiGh!!

I need to know if you were real................

Handball Tournament

Afterall, Tomorrow Is Another Day..........

Spent more than 3 hours watching Gone With The Wind yesterday. God! it was a heck of a very very long movie. Its an old movie so for those who expects excitement than save yourself the 3 hours watching something else. Not that its a bad movie but it takes something to really appreciate it. But it does have something that keeps you wanting to watch on cos you need to know how it ends. Basically the story is about a woman called Scarlett who is in love with Ashley (a man!) but Ashley loves another and you read the rest on the link page lah. Haha anyway, so this Scarlett she was so blinded by her 'love' for Ashley that she failed to see that she was actually in love with Rhett until its too late. Its kinda scary isn't it to be like her? SiGh! Anyways............

Frankly! my dear, I don't give a damn....

Who I Am..

I'm physically exhausted! And my body aches like crazy. Both my knees are so loose and my right ankle as well. Been having handball and football practices everyday since last week and I'm so tired. Haha! Tired banar! Supposed to have street soccer again today but looks like its been cancelled. So a free afternoon for me it is...to indulge on more Ghost Whisperer! I likeeeeeeeeee!

Went out for a drink with the girls right after soccer yesterday and I found myself engaged in a very interesting conversation with Jess. She reads a lot of books and articles mostly on horoscope, personality and related stuffs. She seemed to know what she's talking about so I was hooked on the conversation from the start. She told me to read this book called Personality Plus, will try to look for it next time I come across a book shop. Haha! She also said that she'll send me an e-mail on the article today. Its amazing how true this personality thing can be, I'm not a believer of it I must say but you know just for the sake of excitement. Haha apakan! So I goggled for the book and stumbled on this Personality Plus Test

So I did the test, hence the result below:

Hail to you who is Melancholy Phlegmatic:
The stability and foresight to stay straight on the course.
The eye for detail while others do shoddy work.
The ability to analyze and arrive at the proper solution.
The aim to finish what you start.
The patience to put up with provokers.
The ability to listen, while others have their say.
The gift of mediation, uniting opposing forces.
The purpose of peace at almost any price.
The will to live in such a way that even your enemies can't find anything bad to say about you.
The talent to create a masterpiece where nothing existed before.
The pledge "if it is worth doing, it's worth doing right."

You are a serious, soft spoken introvert who others would label pessimistic, but you correctly understand that you are realistic. When others are in a frenzy, you are calm. You stand back, analyze the situation, find the problem create a solution. You are slow to act, but when you do it is well thought out and steadily implemented. You don't leap into things you won't finish and you do not require a shower of compliments to keep going like Sanguines do.

Here are two adjective barages for the positives of Melancholly's & Phlegmatics:
As a Phlegmatic your are peacefully awesome:You are easy going, easy to get along with, relaxed, consistent, patient, well-balanced, calm, cool, collected, a good listener, quiet but witty, sympathetic, kind, you keep your emotions hidden, you are happily reconciled to life, and you are an all purpose person. At work you are competent, steady, peaceful, agreeable, you avoid conflict, mediate problems, lead by consensus, and you don't get that pressured. As a friend you are pleasant, enjoyable, compassionate, concerned, inoffensive, a good listener with a dry sense of humor.

As a Melancholly you are thoughtfully kick ass:You are deep, analytical, insightful, serious, purposeful, genius prone, talented, creative, possibly artistc, musical, poetic or philisophical. You are considerate, conscientious, self-sacrificing, and sensitive to others. In the workplace you set high standards, pick up after others, are schedule oriented, organized, detail concious, persistent, and thorough. You like charts and graphs. You see the problems and find creative solutions. As a friend, you make friend's cautiously, are content to stay in the background, avoid causing attention, are faithful and devoted, deeply concerned for others, will listen to complaints, and you can solve people's problems.

At best your personality works thusly. Your easy going Phlegmatic nature protects you from being too sensitive or getting depressed, and your Melancholly side inspires you towards perfection, motivating you and preventing you from never doing anything.

Now the harsh part. Here are two more adjective barages about your weaknesses. Don't despair, we love you anyways!:

As a melancholly:You remember negatives, hold on to hurt, sulk, get moody or depressed or guilty, you are too introspective, self-centered, with a low self-image, you feel persecuted and you mind is off in another world. In the workplace you may be too meticulous, or a martyr. You are not people oriented, choose difficult work, are hesitant to start, spending too much time on planning, prefering analysis to work, and you are hard to please with your high high standards. You secretly have a deep need for approval. As a friend you live through others, are critical, withdrawn, hold back affection, don't accept compliments, you are unforgiving, suspicious, and you dislike those in opposition towards whom you are antagonistic and even revengeful.

As a Phlegmatic this is you at your worst:You are unenthusiastic, fearful, worried, indecisive, selfish, shy, reticent, self-righteous, too compromising and you avoid responsibility. At work you are not goal oriented, lacking in self-motivation, hard to get moving, resentful of being pushed, lazy, careless, discouraging & you have a quiet will of iron. As a friend you dampen enthusiasm, stay uninvolved, are indifferent, unexciting, judgemental, sarcastic, teasing & you resist change.

And yet you are still wonderful. There is no blame here. This is just how the Melancholly and Phlegmatic tend to be. This analysis is just a tool to help you understand yourself better so you can have more power to get what you want. Your negatives are difficult, but your strengths are formidable, you are the most thoughful of the 4 possible temperment combinations. You probably get along well with extroverted care free Sanguine Cholerics because you balance them. You can hear their bossy ideas of what everyone should do and help them see their flaws and make their ideas work. You have excellent follow through, and are a stable friend to those you love.

The author of this test would like to acknowledge that Melancholy Phlegmatics are my personal favorite type of person to be around. They are humble and steadfast. I find I can bring them into nearly any situation and they do fine. Praise be to you from me I say!

I know! I know its too long....................

The easy part is getting there and the hardest part’s staying there

Crossroad

It has been a very very interesting but very exhausting week. A lot has been happening and a lot need to be decided. The week could actually decide the path I'm taking for the rest of my life. Have you ever felt like you just need to start all over again..just that there's no pause or even a rewind button. Sometimes I wish I could simply stop and hit the play button, begin all over again. So what do we do? We can't just stop and whatever you know. I'm always frustrated and I think I know why. Its because I know I'm here for something more. Not just what I have now. I'm born special, unique from you typical malay girl. I yearn for excitement. A certain excitement! Something that keeps me on my feet constantly. I need to be challenged every seconds of my life.

How to find out?

In Another Life....

I woke up this morning hoping to be somewhere else, somewhere in another moment of time. I woke up hoping that there'll be change in things I see, things to do. Things to look forward to. I woke up the same.....

Hockey Wives

Astro has been broadcasting live hockey games from the Hockey Champion Challenge - Women Baku in Azerbaijan. Six teams played in the tournament Korea, China, England, USA, New Zealand and the home team. All I can say is...What the heck happen to New Zealand?? They used to be a dark horse towards the race to the top of the women's hockey ranking (in my opinion) They didn't even qualify for the Women's World Cup last year so I got the slightest hint of their progress at that time. But now, its really really disappointing really. For a national team of their calibre you don't really expect them to not keep up with their reputations. They used to be sixth in the world ranking but now they are on the eleventh spot. So you do the maths!! Bwoh atu marah! But yeah!

Well, I don't expect them to stay up all the time but to fall to the 11th spot from the top 10 does say something about the development of the team. Does it really? Take Australia or Argentina for instance, they used to top the ranking now occupied by the Dutch but they are still a force to reckon with. And they don't go that far neither by filling in the 2nd and 3rd spot. Anyways.....I am still a fan of the Black Sticks.

So the story goes like this..haha! Ada jua like this nya atu.but anyway when the Black Sticks play I usually look for one player......their striker whom I believed is a litte under-rated for her skillful dribble and excellent work rate. So I was trying to find her on the pitch, but its hard when the cameraman didn't agree with you most of the time. By the way, this player Provan usually play in the left wing and dribbles in the ball deep near the base line.

So there was this one player who does that a lot in the matches but everytime she has the ball, the commetator mentioned the name Claxton....to my dismay! I thought darn! they are dropping her for this tournament again??!! But then I saw the jersey number! No. 8! No! I said to myself that couldn't be right. That number belongs to Provan. And then I saw a close up of the player and she is Provan! So did a little thinking and I remembered vaguely that Claxton sounds a lil familiar. Turns out, Provan who is now married to her then boyfriend Claxton chose to use the latter name. Anyway, so pumpkin! Provan is now married! And so is Skirving but Skirving still use Skirving which I'm glad. She has a reputation with that name. Hehehe! Anyway selamat pengantin baru to the both of you. Maybe you live long and produce little hockey playing babies. Little black sticks vs. Little hockeyroos huhu!

Ayte, that's all. I'm off.

We learn something new each day...........

Life Does Not Come In Chocolate Flavour

Sometimes you drifted away for so long you don't know how to turn and head back. I missed a lot! That is all I can say! And its my lost! Its harder when we are dealing with people. SiGh! I wish I wasn't obliviously ignorant. But its better late than never right? The mending will not be easy. I hope they let me.

Honestly, I don't know how to go back. I don't know how to start. They might be dissapointed with me already. Nobody is going to help....I have to do it on my own. Have to take responsibility for my own action.

I saw the pics Didi send, in the last pic there was 'auntie' holding her grandchild. I miss her. She is like my mother. I know she loves me...and I love her too.

Four years is a fucking long time.................

Marking Hell

I have been busy the past couple of weeks with the exam marking and all. Didn't have proper time to post. So here I am trying to make it up.....but we'll see how it goes cos I've just spring clean my office and I don't really know what to say. A lot have been happening lately but I'm too lazy to write about it.

Ohh you know what...turns out it not gonna be a long post anyway. So....toodles beautifuls.

The thoughts we have................

Goodbye Again

I'm on the outside, looking in
What do I see?
So much of this left to begin
Where would I be?
I'm on the outside, looking in
Cover me through this night

Guess I don't know what's, left to say
But hear me out
All of the dreams of, yesterday
Keep breaking me down
What's on the outside, can you say
Or am I getting carried away

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye again
Goodbye... again

I'm getting on, what's the use
You know how I get
I can't decide which is the truth
At least not yet
I got the feeling, it's you
What can be said, alone in this room
No...

Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else
I'll wait around
Maybe you'll forget you were ever here
Maybe forget you were ever, never here

I'm on the outside, looking down
What do I see?
So much of this cold, in the ground
Where would i be?
On the outside, looking down
Cover me before you go

Your falling out,
I'm falling in
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye... again
So it's goodbye again

Even something difficult to understand makes you understand it's difficult to understand

Trust what you know. Have faith in where you go. If there's no wind, row. Or go with the flow.

Happy Birthday Mummy

Its mum's birthday today. She's 55. So before I go on further I would like to say Happy 55th Birthday Mummy. Semoga panjang umur and bahagia selalu..Amin!! Like most government employees...she has reached her maximum years of duty so she'll be starting her pension today. Its a different sight to see her at home this morning...but somehow it feels good. Its about time anyway as she's been hard-working her whole life.

Karma is actually a good thing...if one knows how to deal with it. One do bad..it comes around eventually. One do good, life will be good as well. Thats what I think...and I like to keep it that way. Sometimes happiness needs a little bit of initiative...

A text from a good friend made my day today. Just that one text early in the morning....amazing how it can affect one's person day. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise really to get an assalamualaikum from Didi. Went to the same high school together and we both did our degree back in Manchester. So I guess its valid to say that we were quite close. Well! there'll be more catching up to do...and I ain't complaining.

I've been getting a lot of cuts and bruises lately. The latest addition was a paper cut this morning. Urghhh!! I so am not a paper-cutty person. Its my worse nightmare. The bruise on my calf is healing nicely...although it is still green and purple. And I twisted my right ankle and scratched my elbow last night as well. Hmmm.......I'm sleepy.

Somwhere along the bitterness..................

What Did You Do??

The last time I saw/talked/met her was a good 7 years ago. Yesterday, we had brunch after such a long pause in our friendship. It was fun, I was glad to know the outing was indeed fun. I know somebody will not believe the next words that coming out of my mouth (or rather what I'm going to type next). Of course there were a lot of things to catch up on, 7 fucking years is a very very long time. But I'm so thankful to find her still the same. The same more than the ordinary girl that I exhausated my teenage years with. I felt like I was 15 again and it was exhilarating. We managed to put our differences away. After all, the friendship was more meaningful which unfortunately took us 7 years to realise that. Too bad the other two girls couldn't join us or else it would be one fine mini-reunion. I'm sure there will be more of this to come.

On a very very random note, a student just came to the office to hand in a report. He goes 'Miss' and hand me the reports and I was like ohh the a/c reports. Thanks! He then stood still and look at me and I go ' Yeap, ok!' (Inside I was yelling: Go away now!) He stares...I gave blank face..as blank as I can. He smiled and left. Erkkkkk!! how freaky can one be? I would locked myself in the office but its freaking hot and I could enjoy the company of the people along the corridor. Okay, that doesn't really make any sense now.

I'm thinking of when is the best time to take a leave. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to take a couple of weeks of the consultancy course again. I think it has already started for Term 5...so it will end in early August. I really don't know what I'm on about. Its a good time to stop don't you think?

I begin to wonder.....

In The Morning.......

I can't believe I'm still out at this odd hour in the morning! Its only 12.33 plang but still I don't usually go out late at night. But I feel like hanging out tonight. I feel like I need to explore.....huhu!

Yesterday, got to spent the afternoon with Minx and her little niece. I was asked to sing in order to make her like me which I refused to do cos I don't know any baby songs. Haha! But at the end I think I managed to charm her. Aiseyman! Other than that, nothing much has been happening. Nothing that interesting anyway. Humph! I'm tired and the coffee is starting to kick in.

I need to do something significant. I feel like doing something crazy! U know like streak around naked crazy. Something like that lah but I won't streak around naked though...u wish! It'll be a nightmare. But yeah.....I feel like doing something crazy.

You go left and I stay right.............................

High Flyer

A bar of sweets is missing from my bag, I suspected my mother to be the culprit. Hehe! Cos the flavour missing is her favourite. But its ok, I bought it for her jua. She did say she was going to take some money for the car but didnt mention about the sweets afterward. Maybe its her sweet revenge because me and my little brother ate her sweets last time. Hehe I think its cute! Love my mum!

Cousin Wana is flying off tonight, she's not planning to come back home in the next two years. If she stays true to her words, then I'm gonna fucking miss the girl. I admire her for pursuing her dream, such a strong will. If only I was like that 7 years ago. SiGh! My God! Its been 7 years?? Bloody heck! Errr.......

The Lionesses' BBQ is on tonight, to the hostess, I will be a bit late as I have to go to the airport first to send Wana off. I shud be there before 8, just in time to enjoy the electrically cooked food. Dear Pumpkin, yes! we are having a BBQ, without you unfortunately but thats ok, we shall have fun be it without you. You already miss two BBQ right? Huhu! Kejam? I know. I suggest you have one when you come back ;)

A Full Course Meal of Statistics

I pity the students for having to go throught 3 hours of statistics without any break. Haha! I was very tired mentally and physically midway through the lecture. I didn't even have time to sit down. I hope they understand fully today's lesson, I was kinda doing it in a quite fast pace as well as I need to cover it all by today. Haiyaya!!

I saw Dillah last saturday. It was nice to see her though we only managed to talk on the phone. Haha kes pemalas kan bejalan! It was raining, I was enjoying my dinner and she was in a car. Anyway, will see her soon as we are planning to have lunch one of these days. Besides, Yut's BBQ is this wednesday night hopefully. Geeeezzz! Its been ages since I've last seen the Lionesses. Should be a great outing this wednesday, looking forward to it. Bah Yut confirm it as soon as possible ah! Hehe! Oh I totally forgot that Thursday is public holiday until my colleague mentioned it during lunch. Haha! must be really caught up with work and everything. Humph!! Padantah the BBQ was on wednesday which didn't make sense to me initially.

Haha! I just found out that the venue for the BBQ whish is our friend's apartment does not have a balcony, she's living on the 5th floor lagi! Hahaha! So one suggested that we use an electric grill!! Hahahaha! So instead of having BBQ chicken and lamb, we'll be enjoying ermm electrocuted chicken and lamb. Change is good sometimes! Haha! Its going to be interesting to see what we will come up with ahead of the sentence :p Just one thing though! What if there's a black out? Contigency plan! Contigency plan people!!

Everyday is a new day...........

Still Figuring It Out.............

I'm not quiet sure where I am now. ..spiritually that is. Physically, I'm at my Uncle's crib for the doa selamat tonight, cousin Wana is flying back to UK soon to finish off the remaining 2 years of her pilot training course in Aberdeen. Lucky las! Anyway, as I was saying, there's something not right going on with me now. I mean everything is all right but I feel there's something missing and I'm still figuring it out. It feels like I've drifted away from my true self. What exactly is my true self? I'm still figuring that out as well. Not much of a help huh! But it feels like most things that I did since the beginning of this year is not what the true me will do. There's so much that has been happening lately and it kinda change my view on life. But its good to find few supports that doesn't judge me, lean in their shoulder for me to 'cry on' and provides a sense of sanctuary from the troublesome others. It feels extra nice to find it from people you less expected. I feel there is a need for a change but I don't know what exactly. So shall there be a lot of experimenting? What works and what doesn't. Its like i don't know what my priorities are anymore. Though I always kept in mind that top priority will always have to be family.

I read an article on how to be happy? on the net. It concerns more on the personal development and something else that I can't remember. No, I'm not unhappy just lost. Anyhow, it got me into thinking maybe I'm feeling like this cos there's unfinished business that needed to be done. Like something that I ignored purposedly or refused to deal or whatever. Though I might not care, I really don't give a damn about these things but then again maybe it these little things that making me miserable. Cos you know, when you have so many unfinished business it tends to catch up with you sooner or later. If this doesn't work then I don't know what the hell is wrong with me nowadays. But one thing that keeps popping up is that, I've been drifting away from my true self for a very very long time. If I'm right, and I hope I am,then its a long and winding road back but I'm willing to take that chance.

Maybe its the right time to be......

Growing Bundle of Joy

My youngest brother celebrates his 15th birthday today. I wish him the best life and great future ahead. May Allah blesses him with good health and happiness always. Man! How fast can time flies? Back when I graduated, he was just a little boy and its hard believe that he grows so fast and taller too. Hehe! For me, he will always be my little brother, the little quiet boy who speaks with his eyes. The family little bundle of joy, the object of our affection. Can't shower him with much hugs and kisses now...darn!! Its nice to see that he still has that boy-likeness charm and attitude. Age doesn't take much away from him afterall. To our 'little devil with the big heart', stay true to yourself and I love you very very much :)

Happy 15th Birthday Hein

Don't mind the quality of the picture, don't want to overly expose his face to general public. He's a private property. Hahaha!

On similar note, thanx Waznah for the birthday treat. It was great to hang out with you girls again, you girls still makes me laugh. Don't lose it. We should hang out more often ;)

Virtual Reality

I'm lost again! SiGh!! Everything makes total sense which doesn't make sense at all. Hmmm weird huh! It feels like I'm living in a dream..forever wanting to wake up! Not that its bad but makes me lose my sense of being. I'm losing ground.

Today marks the birthday of two of my beautiful friends Ames and Peng. Have a rock and roll life babes!! Haha They don't actually know about the existence of this blog but hey! its the though that count even though they might not know it. Besides texted them both at midnite already with my new Bmobile no. but I think Ames figured out who I was. I didn't do it purposely to be anonymous that is, I only realised that I was using my other line when I texted them. Ok ok..save the explanation, nobody is interested.

This is going to sound totally random but Inamoto...I love you babe!! HuGs!! ;)

For once in your life........................

Little Surprise

A lot have been happening this week, unfortunately there's little time to mention all. Before I go on further a belated birthday shout out to Inamoto!! Happy Busday babe! Tried to get you on msn for days but I guess you weren't around. Party kamu? Clubbing? Haha don't party to hard without me ;)

The convocation has been rescheduled to Monday which is not good! Not good at all. I were to have two more monday classes before the end of the semester, this coming monday included. However, since the convocation has been rescheduled, I'm left with one class only. Now, how am I going to cover everything in one lecture??

I was really surprised that my brother's girlfriend msned me about handball yesterday. I was like *double check profile* *turn left turn right* *scratch scratch* huhuhu! She was telling me that she found a UK handball website so I guess my brother did convey my request to her. So does this mean I'm going to get another ball?? Huehue! Which reminds me, to you know who you are, thank you for the ball. You're still my favourite :) Ayte I got to go somewhere.......

Twist and turn.........

Happy Mother's Day

Heh! I know it was yesterday but who cares. Happy Mother's Day to my mummy!! Had family dinner yesterday. It was really great and mum was having fun as well. Didn't get the chance to buy her gifts but her birthday is coming soon so will treat her with gifts on her birthday saja :)

On another note, work is still work. Its an unstoppable force but I guess I'm hanging there quite well xcept for occasional frustration and headache. There's nothing much I can do really. So yeah, its going to be another short post. Toodles beautifuls....

Unimaginable reality.................

Long Week!

It has been a very very long week. I still got some stuff to do which is such a tedious job! I only have about one day to finish it. Or else I'll have to think of a contigency plan. I love contigency plan but I don't love it now. So its going be a short post. Shoot me. I'm busy! Heh!

Make it up...........

Time To Be.........

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

To be with myself instead of calamity.............

Figuring...

Taking a break is like waking up from death. It makes you see everything in an almost different colours. I still need to figure out what's important and what's not. If only it can be any easier.

The handball friendly yesterday was fucking awesome. The court was a bit narrower and smaller. Initially, our game was so haywired cos the nerve got the better of us. But I think we managed to settle down nicely into the game especially after the opponents scored the first goal of the game which kinda took away the nerve. Won't spend much on it, but please to tell you that we won all the friendlies both men and women's game. Congrates handlers.

One step at a time.....

Every Ache

Staying up all night to watch Man Utd play was so not worth it. To do that and knowing that I was going to have a busy morning is plain stupid. I thought I'd be a good supporter but hey! they aren't even worth cheering for. I ended up with a throbbing headache.

I hate some people. They get on my nerve. They are just shameless, like a pain in the neck that just won't go away. What to do? How to do? I need to get away from all these madness. Seriously, some people are just plain disturbed. Shame real shame I tell ya. Urrrgghhhhh!! This is fucking irritating. Get a life seriously.

Wouldn't it be beautiful it there's just me?

Get Off!!

I need a breather. I need time on my own. I need to spend time with me. Sometimes we got moving so fast and we forgot how to stop. I need to slow down.

Take me to my happy place.....

She's On The Other Side....

I don't know why but I misses Dibs very much! And I am yet to send her Hannibal Rising, I shall do that when I have nothing else to do. Haha! Besides she have an exam to study for so the last thing she should be doing is watching dvds.

I still have few stuffs to be done for the admission thingy. Stupid IS is making our life difficult. I haven't even started perparing for my lecture next week which is bad given now that I have like 3 days to do it excluding friday and sunday. Urghhhhh!!

Btw, I had a very interesting dream last night. I don't know what to make of it. I know, this something have cross my mind a few times but I just brushed it off. So I was quite surprise to dream about it. Then again, isn't dream a subconscious of one's mind? Excuse me.......

I tried but I looked away instead...........