The Fourth on the Seventh

First of all, I wanna wish a Happy Happy Smashing Birthday to my brother Phad who's celebrating his 22nd birthday today.

Yesterday's futsal tournament was great fun. It was the first competitive game I've played in such a long time after the ban of women's football exactly. We didn't play as Kirana yesterday, in fact Minx, Ina and I were imports for Warriors. The team qualified to the semi final after finishing second in the group stage with 2 wins, one draw and one defeat. Lost in the Semi to DF-B with a 4-1 scoreline. The sole goal in the game scored by Pye the captain. For the 3rd placing match we played against DF-A whom we lost to in the group stage. We lost the match by a single goal as we did the group stage match. The tournament lasted in the morning and I was told that the men's game started in the afternoon after the Jumaat prayers. My younger younger brother played but I forgot to ask him how his team did as he only came back late at night.

Right after the tournament Waz and Mia went for lunch and hung out at my place right after, played cards and risk until around 5. It was fun to just chill and have fun once in a while. Thanx for the band Waz, I love it. My body is still sore after yesterday's tournament, my ankle was already beyond help even before it started. Its a recurring injury I had since a month ago, the same as my right pinky finger. Hehe! Thinking to not play handball later to rest a bit but then again...its handball. What are the chances?? But seriously I need to take a break. I need a good full body massage. Any takers? The handball tournament is coming up soon and I need to pick my game up. SiGh!!

I need to know if you were real................

Handball Tournament

Afterall, Tomorrow Is Another Day..........

Spent more than 3 hours watching Gone With The Wind yesterday. God! it was a heck of a very very long movie. Its an old movie so for those who expects excitement than save yourself the 3 hours watching something else. Not that its a bad movie but it takes something to really appreciate it. But it does have something that keeps you wanting to watch on cos you need to know how it ends. Basically the story is about a woman called Scarlett who is in love with Ashley (a man!) but Ashley loves another and you read the rest on the link page lah. Haha anyway, so this Scarlett she was so blinded by her 'love' for Ashley that she failed to see that she was actually in love with Rhett until its too late. Its kinda scary isn't it to be like her? SiGh! Anyways............

Frankly! my dear, I don't give a damn....

Who I Am..

I'm physically exhausted! And my body aches like crazy. Both my knees are so loose and my right ankle as well. Been having handball and football practices everyday since last week and I'm so tired. Haha! Tired banar! Supposed to have street soccer again today but looks like its been cancelled. So a free afternoon for me it is...to indulge on more Ghost Whisperer! I likeeeeeeeeee!

Went out for a drink with the girls right after soccer yesterday and I found myself engaged in a very interesting conversation with Jess. She reads a lot of books and articles mostly on horoscope, personality and related stuffs. She seemed to know what she's talking about so I was hooked on the conversation from the start. She told me to read this book called Personality Plus, will try to look for it next time I come across a book shop. Haha! She also said that she'll send me an e-mail on the article today. Its amazing how true this personality thing can be, I'm not a believer of it I must say but you know just for the sake of excitement. Haha apakan! So I goggled for the book and stumbled on this Personality Plus Test

So I did the test, hence the result below:

Hail to you who is Melancholy Phlegmatic:
The stability and foresight to stay straight on the course.
The eye for detail while others do shoddy work.
The ability to analyze and arrive at the proper solution.
The aim to finish what you start.
The patience to put up with provokers.
The ability to listen, while others have their say.
The gift of mediation, uniting opposing forces.
The purpose of peace at almost any price.
The will to live in such a way that even your enemies can't find anything bad to say about you.
The talent to create a masterpiece where nothing existed before.
The pledge "if it is worth doing, it's worth doing right."

You are a serious, soft spoken introvert who others would label pessimistic, but you correctly understand that you are realistic. When others are in a frenzy, you are calm. You stand back, analyze the situation, find the problem create a solution. You are slow to act, but when you do it is well thought out and steadily implemented. You don't leap into things you won't finish and you do not require a shower of compliments to keep going like Sanguines do.

Here are two adjective barages for the positives of Melancholly's & Phlegmatics:
As a Phlegmatic your are peacefully awesome:You are easy going, easy to get along with, relaxed, consistent, patient, well-balanced, calm, cool, collected, a good listener, quiet but witty, sympathetic, kind, you keep your emotions hidden, you are happily reconciled to life, and you are an all purpose person. At work you are competent, steady, peaceful, agreeable, you avoid conflict, mediate problems, lead by consensus, and you don't get that pressured. As a friend you are pleasant, enjoyable, compassionate, concerned, inoffensive, a good listener with a dry sense of humor.

As a Melancholly you are thoughtfully kick ass:You are deep, analytical, insightful, serious, purposeful, genius prone, talented, creative, possibly artistc, musical, poetic or philisophical. You are considerate, conscientious, self-sacrificing, and sensitive to others. In the workplace you set high standards, pick up after others, are schedule oriented, organized, detail concious, persistent, and thorough. You like charts and graphs. You see the problems and find creative solutions. As a friend, you make friend's cautiously, are content to stay in the background, avoid causing attention, are faithful and devoted, deeply concerned for others, will listen to complaints, and you can solve people's problems.

At best your personality works thusly. Your easy going Phlegmatic nature protects you from being too sensitive or getting depressed, and your Melancholly side inspires you towards perfection, motivating you and preventing you from never doing anything.

Now the harsh part. Here are two more adjective barages about your weaknesses. Don't despair, we love you anyways!:

As a melancholly:You remember negatives, hold on to hurt, sulk, get moody or depressed or guilty, you are too introspective, self-centered, with a low self-image, you feel persecuted and you mind is off in another world. In the workplace you may be too meticulous, or a martyr. You are not people oriented, choose difficult work, are hesitant to start, spending too much time on planning, prefering analysis to work, and you are hard to please with your high high standards. You secretly have a deep need for approval. As a friend you live through others, are critical, withdrawn, hold back affection, don't accept compliments, you are unforgiving, suspicious, and you dislike those in opposition towards whom you are antagonistic and even revengeful.

As a Phlegmatic this is you at your worst:You are unenthusiastic, fearful, worried, indecisive, selfish, shy, reticent, self-righteous, too compromising and you avoid responsibility. At work you are not goal oriented, lacking in self-motivation, hard to get moving, resentful of being pushed, lazy, careless, discouraging & you have a quiet will of iron. As a friend you dampen enthusiasm, stay uninvolved, are indifferent, unexciting, judgemental, sarcastic, teasing & you resist change.

And yet you are still wonderful. There is no blame here. This is just how the Melancholly and Phlegmatic tend to be. This analysis is just a tool to help you understand yourself better so you can have more power to get what you want. Your negatives are difficult, but your strengths are formidable, you are the most thoughful of the 4 possible temperment combinations. You probably get along well with extroverted care free Sanguine Cholerics because you balance them. You can hear their bossy ideas of what everyone should do and help them see their flaws and make their ideas work. You have excellent follow through, and are a stable friend to those you love.

The author of this test would like to acknowledge that Melancholy Phlegmatics are my personal favorite type of person to be around. They are humble and steadfast. I find I can bring them into nearly any situation and they do fine. Praise be to you from me I say!

I know! I know its too long....................

The easy part is getting there and the hardest part’s staying there

Crossroad

It has been a very very interesting but very exhausting week. A lot has been happening and a lot need to be decided. The week could actually decide the path I'm taking for the rest of my life. Have you ever felt like you just need to start all over again..just that there's no pause or even a rewind button. Sometimes I wish I could simply stop and hit the play button, begin all over again. So what do we do? We can't just stop and whatever you know. I'm always frustrated and I think I know why. Its because I know I'm here for something more. Not just what I have now. I'm born special, unique from you typical malay girl. I yearn for excitement. A certain excitement! Something that keeps me on my feet constantly. I need to be challenged every seconds of my life.

How to find out?

In Another Life....

I woke up this morning hoping to be somewhere else, somewhere in another moment of time. I woke up hoping that there'll be change in things I see, things to do. Things to look forward to. I woke up the same.....

Hockey Wives

Astro has been broadcasting live hockey games from the Hockey Champion Challenge - Women Baku in Azerbaijan. Six teams played in the tournament Korea, China, England, USA, New Zealand and the home team. All I can say is...What the heck happen to New Zealand?? They used to be a dark horse towards the race to the top of the women's hockey ranking (in my opinion) They didn't even qualify for the Women's World Cup last year so I got the slightest hint of their progress at that time. But now, its really really disappointing really. For a national team of their calibre you don't really expect them to not keep up with their reputations. They used to be sixth in the world ranking but now they are on the eleventh spot. So you do the maths!! Bwoh atu marah! But yeah!

Well, I don't expect them to stay up all the time but to fall to the 11th spot from the top 10 does say something about the development of the team. Does it really? Take Australia or Argentina for instance, they used to top the ranking now occupied by the Dutch but they are still a force to reckon with. And they don't go that far neither by filling in the 2nd and 3rd spot. Anyways.....I am still a fan of the Black Sticks.

So the story goes like this..haha! Ada jua like this nya atu.but anyway when the Black Sticks play I usually look for one player......their striker whom I believed is a litte under-rated for her skillful dribble and excellent work rate. So I was trying to find her on the pitch, but its hard when the cameraman didn't agree with you most of the time. By the way, this player Provan usually play in the left wing and dribbles in the ball deep near the base line.

So there was this one player who does that a lot in the matches but everytime she has the ball, the commetator mentioned the name Claxton....to my dismay! I thought darn! they are dropping her for this tournament again??!! But then I saw the jersey number! No. 8! No! I said to myself that couldn't be right. That number belongs to Provan. And then I saw a close up of the player and she is Provan! So did a little thinking and I remembered vaguely that Claxton sounds a lil familiar. Turns out, Provan who is now married to her then boyfriend Claxton chose to use the latter name. Anyway, so pumpkin! Provan is now married! And so is Skirving but Skirving still use Skirving which I'm glad. She has a reputation with that name. Hehehe! Anyway selamat pengantin baru to the both of you. Maybe you live long and produce little hockey playing babies. Little black sticks vs. Little hockeyroos huhu!

Ayte, that's all. I'm off.

We learn something new each day...........

Life Does Not Come In Chocolate Flavour

Sometimes you drifted away for so long you don't know how to turn and head back. I missed a lot! That is all I can say! And its my lost! Its harder when we are dealing with people. SiGh! I wish I wasn't obliviously ignorant. But its better late than never right? The mending will not be easy. I hope they let me.

Honestly, I don't know how to go back. I don't know how to start. They might be dissapointed with me already. Nobody is going to help....I have to do it on my own. Have to take responsibility for my own action.

I saw the pics Didi send, in the last pic there was 'auntie' holding her grandchild. I miss her. She is like my mother. I know she loves me...and I love her too.

Four years is a fucking long time.................

Marking Hell

I have been busy the past couple of weeks with the exam marking and all. Didn't have proper time to post. So here I am trying to make it up.....but we'll see how it goes cos I've just spring clean my office and I don't really know what to say. A lot have been happening lately but I'm too lazy to write about it.

Ohh you know what...turns out it not gonna be a long post anyway. So....toodles beautifuls.

The thoughts we have................

Goodbye Again

I'm on the outside, looking in
What do I see?
So much of this left to begin
Where would I be?
I'm on the outside, looking in
Cover me through this night

Guess I don't know what's, left to say
But hear me out
All of the dreams of, yesterday
Keep breaking me down
What's on the outside, can you say
Or am I getting carried away

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye again
Goodbye... again

I'm getting on, what's the use
You know how I get
I can't decide which is the truth
At least not yet
I got the feeling, it's you
What can be said, alone in this room
No...

Who wants you now?
Maybe somebody else
I'll wait around
Maybe you'll forget you were ever here
Maybe forget you were ever, never here

I'm on the outside, looking down
What do I see?
So much of this cold, in the ground
Where would i be?
On the outside, looking down
Cover me before you go

Your falling out,
I'm falling in
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye... again
So it's goodbye again

Even something difficult to understand makes you understand it's difficult to understand

Trust what you know. Have faith in where you go. If there's no wind, row. Or go with the flow.

Happy Birthday Mummy

Its mum's birthday today. She's 55. So before I go on further I would like to say Happy 55th Birthday Mummy. Semoga panjang umur and bahagia selalu..Amin!! Like most government employees...she has reached her maximum years of duty so she'll be starting her pension today. Its a different sight to see her at home this morning...but somehow it feels good. Its about time anyway as she's been hard-working her whole life.

Karma is actually a good thing...if one knows how to deal with it. One do bad..it comes around eventually. One do good, life will be good as well. Thats what I think...and I like to keep it that way. Sometimes happiness needs a little bit of initiative...

A text from a good friend made my day today. Just that one text early in the morning....amazing how it can affect one's person day. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise really to get an assalamualaikum from Didi. Went to the same high school together and we both did our degree back in Manchester. So I guess its valid to say that we were quite close. Well! there'll be more catching up to do...and I ain't complaining.

I've been getting a lot of cuts and bruises lately. The latest addition was a paper cut this morning. Urghhh!! I so am not a paper-cutty person. Its my worse nightmare. The bruise on my calf is healing nicely...although it is still green and purple. And I twisted my right ankle and scratched my elbow last night as well. Hmmm.......I'm sleepy.

Somwhere along the bitterness..................

What Did You Do??

The last time I saw/talked/met her was a good 7 years ago. Yesterday, we had brunch after such a long pause in our friendship. It was fun, I was glad to know the outing was indeed fun. I know somebody will not believe the next words that coming out of my mouth (or rather what I'm going to type next). Of course there were a lot of things to catch up on, 7 fucking years is a very very long time. But I'm so thankful to find her still the same. The same more than the ordinary girl that I exhausated my teenage years with. I felt like I was 15 again and it was exhilarating. We managed to put our differences away. After all, the friendship was more meaningful which unfortunately took us 7 years to realise that. Too bad the other two girls couldn't join us or else it would be one fine mini-reunion. I'm sure there will be more of this to come.

On a very very random note, a student just came to the office to hand in a report. He goes 'Miss' and hand me the reports and I was like ohh the a/c reports. Thanks! He then stood still and look at me and I go ' Yeap, ok!' (Inside I was yelling: Go away now!) He stares...I gave blank face..as blank as I can. He smiled and left. Erkkkkk!! how freaky can one be? I would locked myself in the office but its freaking hot and I could enjoy the company of the people along the corridor. Okay, that doesn't really make any sense now.

I'm thinking of when is the best time to take a leave. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to take a couple of weeks of the consultancy course again. I think it has already started for Term 5...so it will end in early August. I really don't know what I'm on about. Its a good time to stop don't you think?

I begin to wonder.....

In The Morning.......

I can't believe I'm still out at this odd hour in the morning! Its only 12.33 plang but still I don't usually go out late at night. But I feel like hanging out tonight. I feel like I need to explore.....huhu!

Yesterday, got to spent the afternoon with Minx and her little niece. I was asked to sing in order to make her like me which I refused to do cos I don't know any baby songs. Haha! But at the end I think I managed to charm her. Aiseyman! Other than that, nothing much has been happening. Nothing that interesting anyway. Humph! I'm tired and the coffee is starting to kick in.

I need to do something significant. I feel like doing something crazy! U know like streak around naked crazy. Something like that lah but I won't streak around naked though...u wish! It'll be a nightmare. But yeah.....I feel like doing something crazy.

You go left and I stay right.............................

High Flyer

A bar of sweets is missing from my bag, I suspected my mother to be the culprit. Hehe! Cos the flavour missing is her favourite. But its ok, I bought it for her jua. She did say she was going to take some money for the car but didnt mention about the sweets afterward. Maybe its her sweet revenge because me and my little brother ate her sweets last time. Hehe I think its cute! Love my mum!

Cousin Wana is flying off tonight, she's not planning to come back home in the next two years. If she stays true to her words, then I'm gonna fucking miss the girl. I admire her for pursuing her dream, such a strong will. If only I was like that 7 years ago. SiGh! My God! Its been 7 years?? Bloody heck! Errr.......

The Lionesses' BBQ is on tonight, to the hostess, I will be a bit late as I have to go to the airport first to send Wana off. I shud be there before 8, just in time to enjoy the electrically cooked food. Dear Pumpkin, yes! we are having a BBQ, without you unfortunately but thats ok, we shall have fun be it without you. You already miss two BBQ right? Huhu! Kejam? I know. I suggest you have one when you come back ;)

A Full Course Meal of Statistics

I pity the students for having to go throught 3 hours of statistics without any break. Haha! I was very tired mentally and physically midway through the lecture. I didn't even have time to sit down. I hope they understand fully today's lesson, I was kinda doing it in a quite fast pace as well as I need to cover it all by today. Haiyaya!!

I saw Dillah last saturday. It was nice to see her though we only managed to talk on the phone. Haha kes pemalas kan bejalan! It was raining, I was enjoying my dinner and she was in a car. Anyway, will see her soon as we are planning to have lunch one of these days. Besides, Yut's BBQ is this wednesday night hopefully. Geeeezzz! Its been ages since I've last seen the Lionesses. Should be a great outing this wednesday, looking forward to it. Bah Yut confirm it as soon as possible ah! Hehe! Oh I totally forgot that Thursday is public holiday until my colleague mentioned it during lunch. Haha! must be really caught up with work and everything. Humph!! Padantah the BBQ was on wednesday which didn't make sense to me initially.

Haha! I just found out that the venue for the BBQ whish is our friend's apartment does not have a balcony, she's living on the 5th floor lagi! Hahaha! So one suggested that we use an electric grill!! Hahahaha! So instead of having BBQ chicken and lamb, we'll be enjoying ermm electrocuted chicken and lamb. Change is good sometimes! Haha! Its going to be interesting to see what we will come up with ahead of the sentence :p Just one thing though! What if there's a black out? Contigency plan! Contigency plan people!!

Everyday is a new day...........

Still Figuring It Out.............

I'm not quiet sure where I am now. ..spiritually that is. Physically, I'm at my Uncle's crib for the doa selamat tonight, cousin Wana is flying back to UK soon to finish off the remaining 2 years of her pilot training course in Aberdeen. Lucky las! Anyway, as I was saying, there's something not right going on with me now. I mean everything is all right but I feel there's something missing and I'm still figuring it out. It feels like I've drifted away from my true self. What exactly is my true self? I'm still figuring that out as well. Not much of a help huh! But it feels like most things that I did since the beginning of this year is not what the true me will do. There's so much that has been happening lately and it kinda change my view on life. But its good to find few supports that doesn't judge me, lean in their shoulder for me to 'cry on' and provides a sense of sanctuary from the troublesome others. It feels extra nice to find it from people you less expected. I feel there is a need for a change but I don't know what exactly. So shall there be a lot of experimenting? What works and what doesn't. Its like i don't know what my priorities are anymore. Though I always kept in mind that top priority will always have to be family.

I read an article on how to be happy? on the net. It concerns more on the personal development and something else that I can't remember. No, I'm not unhappy just lost. Anyhow, it got me into thinking maybe I'm feeling like this cos there's unfinished business that needed to be done. Like something that I ignored purposedly or refused to deal or whatever. Though I might not care, I really don't give a damn about these things but then again maybe it these little things that making me miserable. Cos you know, when you have so many unfinished business it tends to catch up with you sooner or later. If this doesn't work then I don't know what the hell is wrong with me nowadays. But one thing that keeps popping up is that, I've been drifting away from my true self for a very very long time. If I'm right, and I hope I am,then its a long and winding road back but I'm willing to take that chance.

Maybe its the right time to be......

Growing Bundle of Joy

My youngest brother celebrates his 15th birthday today. I wish him the best life and great future ahead. May Allah blesses him with good health and happiness always. Man! How fast can time flies? Back when I graduated, he was just a little boy and its hard believe that he grows so fast and taller too. Hehe! For me, he will always be my little brother, the little quiet boy who speaks with his eyes. The family little bundle of joy, the object of our affection. Can't shower him with much hugs and kisses now...darn!! Its nice to see that he still has that boy-likeness charm and attitude. Age doesn't take much away from him afterall. To our 'little devil with the big heart', stay true to yourself and I love you very very much :)

Happy 15th Birthday Hein

Don't mind the quality of the picture, don't want to overly expose his face to general public. He's a private property. Hahaha!

On similar note, thanx Waznah for the birthday treat. It was great to hang out with you girls again, you girls still makes me laugh. Don't lose it. We should hang out more often ;)

Virtual Reality

I'm lost again! SiGh!! Everything makes total sense which doesn't make sense at all. Hmmm weird huh! It feels like I'm living in a dream..forever wanting to wake up! Not that its bad but makes me lose my sense of being. I'm losing ground.

Today marks the birthday of two of my beautiful friends Ames and Peng. Have a rock and roll life babes!! Haha They don't actually know about the existence of this blog but hey! its the though that count even though they might not know it. Besides texted them both at midnite already with my new Bmobile no. but I think Ames figured out who I was. I didn't do it purposely to be anonymous that is, I only realised that I was using my other line when I texted them. Ok ok..save the explanation, nobody is interested.

This is going to sound totally random but Inamoto...I love you babe!! HuGs!! ;)

For once in your life........................

Little Surprise

A lot have been happening this week, unfortunately there's little time to mention all. Before I go on further a belated birthday shout out to Inamoto!! Happy Busday babe! Tried to get you on msn for days but I guess you weren't around. Party kamu? Clubbing? Haha don't party to hard without me ;)

The convocation has been rescheduled to Monday which is not good! Not good at all. I were to have two more monday classes before the end of the semester, this coming monday included. However, since the convocation has been rescheduled, I'm left with one class only. Now, how am I going to cover everything in one lecture??

I was really surprised that my brother's girlfriend msned me about handball yesterday. I was like *double check profile* *turn left turn right* *scratch scratch* huhuhu! She was telling me that she found a UK handball website so I guess my brother did convey my request to her. So does this mean I'm going to get another ball?? Huehue! Which reminds me, to you know who you are, thank you for the ball. You're still my favourite :) Ayte I got to go somewhere.......

Twist and turn.........

Happy Mother's Day

Heh! I know it was yesterday but who cares. Happy Mother's Day to my mummy!! Had family dinner yesterday. It was really great and mum was having fun as well. Didn't get the chance to buy her gifts but her birthday is coming soon so will treat her with gifts on her birthday saja :)

On another note, work is still work. Its an unstoppable force but I guess I'm hanging there quite well xcept for occasional frustration and headache. There's nothing much I can do really. So yeah, its going to be another short post. Toodles beautifuls....

Unimaginable reality.................

Long Week!

It has been a very very long week. I still got some stuff to do which is such a tedious job! I only have about one day to finish it. Or else I'll have to think of a contigency plan. I love contigency plan but I don't love it now. So its going be a short post. Shoot me. I'm busy! Heh!

Make it up...........

Time To Be.........

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

To be with myself instead of calamity.............

Figuring...

Taking a break is like waking up from death. It makes you see everything in an almost different colours. I still need to figure out what's important and what's not. If only it can be any easier.

The handball friendly yesterday was fucking awesome. The court was a bit narrower and smaller. Initially, our game was so haywired cos the nerve got the better of us. But I think we managed to settle down nicely into the game especially after the opponents scored the first goal of the game which kinda took away the nerve. Won't spend much on it, but please to tell you that we won all the friendlies both men and women's game. Congrates handlers.

One step at a time.....

Every Ache

Staying up all night to watch Man Utd play was so not worth it. To do that and knowing that I was going to have a busy morning is plain stupid. I thought I'd be a good supporter but hey! they aren't even worth cheering for. I ended up with a throbbing headache.

I hate some people. They get on my nerve. They are just shameless, like a pain in the neck that just won't go away. What to do? How to do? I need to get away from all these madness. Seriously, some people are just plain disturbed. Shame real shame I tell ya. Urrrgghhhhh!! This is fucking irritating. Get a life seriously.

Wouldn't it be beautiful it there's just me?

Get Off!!

I need a breather. I need time on my own. I need to spend time with me. Sometimes we got moving so fast and we forgot how to stop. I need to slow down.

Take me to my happy place.....

She's On The Other Side....

I don't know why but I misses Dibs very much! And I am yet to send her Hannibal Rising, I shall do that when I have nothing else to do. Haha! Besides she have an exam to study for so the last thing she should be doing is watching dvds.

I still have few stuffs to be done for the admission thingy. Stupid IS is making our life difficult. I haven't even started perparing for my lecture next week which is bad given now that I have like 3 days to do it excluding friday and sunday. Urghhhhh!!

Btw, I had a very interesting dream last night. I don't know what to make of it. I know, this something have cross my mind a few times but I just brushed it off. So I was quite surprise to dream about it. Then again, isn't dream a subconscious of one's mind? Excuse me.......

I tried but I looked away instead...........

Part-aaayyyy People

The handballers had a picnic yesterday, just the gang. So if you're not invited then faham2 lah your not in. Haha! Even then they were some invited people who didn't show up. But you're still in the gang unless if you didn't come tomorrow at training. Btw, did I mention that the picnic was fuckintastic! Yes it was! We started in the afternoon since it was the concluded best time for everyone. Anyway, when I arrived, Tina already had the fire started. Very productive!

You might wonder why the hell am I talking about Tina starting the fire. Well, I love handling the fire in BBQs. I guess I'm a fire-starter? Haha apakan. Seriously, I was manning the grill from start to end, of course there were the others as well. But yang mahal nya is that I didn't want to touch the coal, only because its a tedious job getting my hands dirty then to walk to where the pipe is to wash my hand. So I had Tina to do that. Haha! When else can I bully my student? But she was being a sport.

It was really fun and enjoyable yesterday. I saw few people in their true colour especially Erda. Haha! Daym, she is one funny and crazy girl. Huhu! She made the picnic more lively and riuh. Hahaha! Kan menunggu ayam masak tia ganya keraja nya. Alum lagi si Wanney with her bata butter. Huhuhu! We told her to text Beb to buy some butter for the potatoes, instead she texted Beb to bring some bata as in bricks. Haha! Now how are we going to flavour the potatoes with that? Huhu!

Wanney also made us to label our paper cup, given how easy it is to get it mixed up with others and we didn't have much supply either. Yanti mentioned that it felt like a kid's birthday party where we get everything labelled. Nonetheless, it was a actually a brilliant idea to label all the cups.

Late towards the afternoon, we had a mini putting tournament but we didn't get to finish the game. Initially it was just me and Hj Rudy playing then Jimmy, Tina, Jess and Beb joined in. Hehe! So we shall continue it at the driving range eh. We will be having the handball friendly match this sunday so will try to schedule the golf thing the next sunday. Anyway, its monday so I better get back to work. Schmuck!!!

In the definite of time.................

Second Time Lucky

MRS Night, 7th April 2007: Lucky draw number 065. Given in the invitation itself. Won B-Mobile Prepaid line.

CIPTA Appreciation Night, 27th April 2007: Lucky draw number 065. Obtained it from the number bowl, by accident! Won a rice cooker...but a prize nonetheless ;)

Coincidence, pure luck or fate?

New Addition

Its been a busy week so far. I have the interview thing to do, as well as the teaching load with the consultancy students. On top of that, I have another blog added into my hand. Its the not so-official brunei handball blog which you can find here. The rest of the information regarding that blog can be found there. I've also link the website so you can easily surf it through here.

Its been difficult juggling my blogging skills with two blogs as the idea of both blog are very different which makes me kinda run out of ideas when it comes to writing this blog. Since when jua ku banyak idea. But hey! Nonetheless, its been fun so far.

On a good note, I'm going to have my last class with the consultancy students today late in the morning. Then I'm left with the other class which I'm only taking for two weeks. So its all guuuuuudddd!! Can't wait for the semester to be over. Its been very very long!!!

What The .........!!!

Amazing!! Boleh lagi?? I was asked a personal question by a prospective student that I interviewed yesterday. At the end of the session we usually ask them if they have any questions for us regarding the course and he went *shy a bit* and said its personal can I? My colleague said go ahead cos we thought its personal to him NOT us!! But hey!!! We couldn't stop laughing when he left the room but yeah...all in a day work huh!!

edited.
Taking a short break now from the interview. One of the 2.45 slots students didn't come so the next slot is at 3.45 which is in 20 minutes. The students this afternoon came from different academic background as compared to yesterday. But its easier to interview this technical students because they have more working experience and they know what the course is all about. The only drawback is that they are weak academically. Heh!!

Shut!!! Need to prepare tomorrow's lecture slide. Darn!! Oh well, will do it tonight after handball. I believe I can do it. Its been a long day.

Different faces..............

Taking Pause....

I've been feeling unsettled since a month ago. Its like my life is forever revving on the fast lane. It made me weary. At the same time, it made me oblivious. I had no time to appreciate things that are more significant to me but otherwise.

I felt there's just so much to do yet so little time. I do multi things at the same time that I lost judgement of what's important and what's not. I was seeking quantity but not quality all this time. Ultimately, it feels like I'm slacking and ended up with little usefulness. How is that even possible? I'm clueless.

I'm going to take it slow now. Embrace what the moment has to offer rather than just consuming everything in like there's no tomorrow. Like a blood thirst vampire awaken from its centuries-long slumber draining every drops of blood off its victim. I was that vampire. I need to feel like a human.

I'm just gonna let everything falls into places. Going with the flow is good. Don't force it. Yeah! Just sit back and live in the moment. Slow it down, take a pause.

Hit the button now................

A Little Too Much....

The flu takes longer to pass, given all the pre-flu symptoms, I'm not surprise why. The coughing is thankfully gone, ease the burden a bit. Since a couple of days ago, I've exhausted 3 big boxes of tissue and there's no showing of slowing down. Haven't been to the gymin recent weeks and my membership is expiring soon. Humph!!

Don't feel fit enough to play handball this afternoon so will only come and watch. Buttttt....I might be tempted to play so we'll see. Its good to sweat off the toxin off the body. Haha

Still figuring it out...............

Man Down.....

My eyes look pretty when I'm sick. Haha! Sick eyes are pretty ;p I'm trying to find the positive beneath all these mucus and ugliest of being sick. The cough is getting really bad + having a little chest pain. Can't be bothered to go to the Clinic and ask for mc. Anyone who has been to one of those government clinic will understand why.

I need to close my eyes........

Nice To Meet You Finally....

I'm gonna be sick! This is for real. My nose has been stuffy since a week ago and only nowI started coughing. So the damam-ing process has started. God knows..maybe I'll be getting sick, the real thing, next week. Since the process of me getting sick is so the very slow. Seriously..its coming!

A friend was talking about this blog last night. She was telling me that she read this one blog after googling for 'Kirana FC Brunei'. So becerita tah ia how the blogger also wrote about handball and stuffs. She confidently said that the blogger was Inamoto. Yes babe, you! I don't know how she came to that conclusion. Anyway, she even talked about the poems and how colourful the posts were. Haha! I had my moment. All this time she was talking about the site, I was smiling. I mean what else could I do? Nda kan serious right.

Anyway, my coughing is getting worse. Raincheck gym. Hello bed!!

Just a spoonful of sugar...........

Just Popping In...

Funny how you can learn so much just by reading. I learn new things each day. The weather looks lovely outside. Think its gonna rain. Bless....

Uncertainty awaits......

Erection of the Steam Turbine

I just read the above from a textbook. Made me smile. At least shadowed by utter madness, something managed to make me smile. Not that I'm a pervert but ........ can't be bothered explaining. Hence, the short post.

I'll talk when I feel to. At the moment, I have other priority.

There's something better to do.........

Raaa-iiight.....

Its normal for a girl to act a little bimbo-ish no matter how intelligent she is. But to find a man to act so?? And we are talking about manly man here, physically manly but intrinsic wise urmm...no comment! Huhuhu. Only one person knows what I'm talking about here *winks*

Its good to reminisce over your past once in a while to get you earthbound in a way. Reminds you of who you used to be..or who you really are.

Hit the rewind button now.......

Never Give Up...

Couldn't sleep early again last night, I think I might get sick. My nose was stuffed and my chest hurt. Had to drag myself out of bed to get some vitamin and ointment. Did help and I was in dreamland in minutes. Feel much better today, took some pills and 100+ to avoid getting more sick. Yes mum always give us 100+ when we are sick, it does help alot with the body temperature and dehydration.

Anyway, no surprise if I tell you that I'm preparing the lecture notes still. I'm still confused with this stuffs cos there can be two side of the topic that I'm now teaching. The calculation and theoretical side which is my specialty (esehman!!) and the other is the superficial part. Like in the syllabus it says Superheaters. So do I explain why we need superheaters and continue on to its importance in the plant, draw the schematic diagram, plot the cycle, compare with the ideal cycle and do the calculation OR do I just need to explain what it is and how it works which is much simpler, but its not really my fave area of expertise. And the first is too complicated to cover in a month let alone a week. So I guess its the latter one to proceed with then again...what kind of question can I give the students for the tutorials??? Maybe I'll just combine a bit of both yeah?? Haha! Who says teaching was easy? Allow me to slap you.

Its only 2.30 and I'm already grumpy. I'm going straight for handball practice after work. We most probably will be having a friendly match with the KB team at the end of this month. I've been asked to select players for the team but it hard now that fewer and fewer people are coming. What happen ah? Maybe they don't enjoy handball as much as the regulars do. Mcm org becinta bah, like no time to call or message or anything cos they are busy. Thats just bullshit. Cos even though how busy one is, they'll always have time for their loved ones. So the morale is when a guy say all those things to you it means that he's not into you that bad. Haha! Off topic.

The place where we had our lunch today played Boyzone songs so it is now currently in my playlist. Haha! I have the right to be what it is I'm being at the moment. Yes! Stephen Gately sings through his nose but 15 year old me said his voice is heaven. Haha! Chipmunks!! I see (hear) the truth now....

Know now who we are, know not what we may be......

Monday Daze

Next time, remind me not to sleep late if I need to do academic things the next morning!! Yawn!! Well, its not really entirely my fault as I was kept wide awake in the middle of the night by the fact that I'm gonna be doomed with the lecturing stuffs. So excuse me if all I can think of at the moment are dreams and roses. But yeah, just remind me next time not to.

Amazingly, I managed to read through few notes which I saved yesterday. The path is a bit clearer now though the rest of the journey is still hazy. Worse comes to worse I'll have to ask my colleague who is currently on leave to come around and help. Cos I might end up teaching things that are unnecessary. I think this is one of the disadvantages when fresh graduates are dragged into the teaching profession without having them experience the real working world. There's no practicality and experience to supplement the theories. And its very frustrating given that this field I'm at, industrial experiences are very very important.

Last week, few of us went to Lumut to discuss few stuffs with the people there and I brought up the issue of lecturers not having industrial experience and I was glad to hear the Asst. mentioned that the matter has been looked into. Only that we need to take into consideration of the time period that is convenient to both parties. Its a pity really given that our department particularly has a very good relationship with BLNG so we should take this opportunity to our benefit. Besides its gonna do good for both parties so why not right. Hmmm.....

If I had a choice........

An Afternoon Away from Madness......

Currently at CoffeeBean Bandar with an old friend from the past, present and future i.e. Norazz. Huhu!! She's keeping me company for today while I'm surfing for useful useful information on the Net. Its for my next lecture and boy! can it be any more harder to find one. I almost feel sick thinking the fact that I'm running out of luck for a decent information. You know its like sitting for the finals without knowing anything. Luckily I've stumbled this website which is quite informative so I'm saving everything into my files and will print it in the office tomorrow. The website has gone bonkers at the moments so while waiting for it to load its a perfect time to blog. Hopefully I'll have enough time to finish everything before Wednesday. Oh my!! I need a break desperately.

Its been a long time since I've spent time with Norazz alone and its nice to have a decent heart to heart conversation with this friend of mine. Huhu!! Cos I can just be myself with her since she practically knows everything about yours truly. Yes! that includes secrets. Raw and hot ones!! Haha! Anyway, I'm so glad we are still friends since God knows when. And it amazing and I'm truly thankful to find that she's still the same old person I know back then. Awww! This can be a heartfelt moment..can you feel your tears coming right out? You do? Yawah? What a softie!!

But seriously, she understand and deals well with my insensitivity most of the time which is good cos I don't have to worry if I've offended her or anything cos she knows me well. Well, I think she does know me well. So everything I do she knows the reason why. Hehe apakan.

Sometimes you just need a breather.......

Rainy Days

I'm losing it. I'm losing grip of my sense of being....

Its diffcult to be around people being judgemental of you when they can't even judge themselves.....

Flowing....

Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I was wrong. Well its too late to turn and head back now....for I'll just hope. Hope for something better. Or even for a second chance.

Had my first consultancy lecture this morning. The students are way much better than I last taught them. Was kinda fun teaching them I think in a way I have to go with their flow, you know try to blend it in with them, tell jokes that they'll laugh to rather than sharing the lame one which kinda work tadi.

Anyways, now thats I've got that part certain, I have to turn my attention to this project which I'm handling for the Energy Week. I'll talk to the technicians on Monday once I'm over this hectic week. Darn!! should have keep my hands still in the first place. Nonetheless I'm thankful that I've been given this great opportunity to further deveop my career prospects. Hopefully it'll bring some meaning into my dull career life.

What happen when you put two bored and tired adults together on a Thursday afternoon?
.................................
[15:33] On The Outside....: if i dont go now i will not go anytime soon
[15:33] On The Outside....: u know its the flow
[15:33] On The Outside....: everything is about flow hehe
[15:33] N70: hahaha yeah d flow again
[15:34] On The Outside....: banar serious
[15:34] On The Outside....: hahaha
[15:34] N70: hehe awu dih
[15:34] N70: go with da flow
[15:34] N70: cos it'll get u flowing
[15:34] On The Outside....: flowing is good
[15:35] On The Outside....: at least im not stuck
[15:35] N70: hehe
[15:35] N70: yeah yeah
[15:35] On The Outside....: its true
[15:35] On The Outside....: everything is about flow
[15:35] On The Outside....: u stop the flow everything changes
[15:35] On The Outside....: sometimes u have to start all over again
[15:35] N70: hahahaha
[15:36] On The Outside....: and sometimes ur left drifting

Tell me it is going to be alright..............

Bitter

I find it difficult to find a new perspective of life. It is... Its hard to be inspired. Its hard to be motivated. Not with little effort. I have another workload this afternoon but I'm not gonna do it today..maybe tomorrow or the day after or maybe never. SiGh!!

Chatting to Dibs at the moment. God I miss that girl! She's my impromptu buddy..the last minute hotline. Haha! the one unbounded by anything so to lose such friend though temporarily is quite a blow cos it alters my social life almost significantly. Hehe! Though we now learnt to develop an imaginary thing that shall remain unsaid for now.

Hanging by the moment...............

Back Again..

MinX is arriving today! Yeahaaa! Its been ages and I can't wait to see her. I'm gonna be enjoying my three days weekend as well though I still have a lot to do with the lecture preparation but somehow I'm have a feeling its under control. Weird! Feeling saja tu not the actual thing yet. Huhu!!

I've narrowed down my choices of laptop to buy and I'm torn between Dell and HP. Viao is a no no unfortunately as its very the expensive unless if insanity were to overwhelm me then maybe. Haha! I managed to convince the acting head to let me use the department's laptop for the weekend. Yeahhhaaaaaa!! Party ni party! Apakan! But I need to take it from my colleague who is not here yet. Hopefully he'll come soon as I'm planning to leave work early today. Wohoooo!!

A big shout out to the trio in Brisbane especially Inamoto. Didn't get much opportunity to talk to you as much as the other two but I love you nonetheless. I assumed you hard working girls are busy with your assignments and sleeping at odd hours. Who eats chilli she feels hot hot one :p Ayte I should get back to my work.

Here's to the night..........

Stuffed..

Its been one hell of a very tight week....and its only wednesday but I'm feeling the strain already. New things keep popping up and I'm running out of time. There's so many fucking things to do and money to spend as well. Hopefully, the break will bring out some sort of relief though I doubt it but hey one can only hope.

I know I've been talking about work lately but seriously its so bad!!! There's academic stuffs to do, then the departmental stuffs, then the administration, and then the donkey jobs. And then add the consultancy stuffs I have to do. On top of that, there's this big project that I'm gonna handle. Seriously!! I'm no superwoman! Ca kamu imagine? These things are endless with new stuff popping out almost every single day....or week. But yeah!!

Take this madness away from me.........

Little Bit to the Left..

I'm feeling a little off-centered today. I think I'm gonna be sick soon. Hehe tau lagi tu! My temperature is boiling, I'm sweating like a marathon runner in an air-conditioned room. My head feels heavier than a sack of scented rice. I've been sitting in front of the computer the whole day typing away my lecture notes. I managed 3 pages since this morning which is quite productive given the condition I am in at the moment. So might continue to do it tommorrow when I'm all energize and fresh. I'm too tired to even think about the smallest thing now.....

Actually, a cold ice blended coffee would be nice. Darn!! Si Dibs ni punya angkara!! She shouldn't have mention coffee when I'm feeling like this. Mikin tia beasuh damam/malas ku ani. Heeeee!! Seriously!! I'm craving for one now. Mr Brown will not do.

My arm feels better now. I think I might have over-twist the shoulder joint during handball and sprained some muscles along. There were cracking sounds when I rotated my arm yesterday but there were none today except for once this morning. Almost everyone have told me to take a break from sports but heck no!! U must be kidding!!

Give me the strength to carry on.......

A Reaction..

My post 'Talk About...' has caused a friend to react with a drastic measure. Huhu! Terasa chia pulang! Well, I must say she falls accidentally to my trap. I was actually talking about someone else but I guess she did have some good news to share which I already knew jua but you know, I totally understand her situation of not telling just yet cos you know its not a certain thing as yet. So I must be talking about someone else then? Who could it be?

Oh btw, thanks for sharing the great news Asmah Squidy! I can't believe time flies so fast. Seems like it was only yesterday that I first saw you in the football pitch in UBD, dressed like a total stranger to the football scene. But I guess you already knew that you impressed me that day with your aggressiveness. And seems like I did suffer from it quite a number of times. Huhuhu!!!

It is heartbreaking to know that those past are beyond us, its like a reality slap that those great days are never gonna happen again. Now that your are ready for your next step up in life I'm feeling like I'm gonna lose a friend. Not lose in the actual sense but you know what I mean. Eh! You do know what I mean right?? Haha but then again you are Asmah, thats not possible. Love you babe.

This is it.......

One Down...

Alhamdulillah CIPTA is over! I can now focus on my academic responsibilities. This consultancy lecture thing is not easy, on top of that i have another lecture to handle after the holidays. I've been browsing through few articles for my notes and there's so much to think about. Should I give a detail lecture or not? Details should be good but don't think the students will agree with me on that. Heh! But its gonna be a difficult subject to understand so I'll most probably start the lecture slow and detailed. Take it easy mate! Take it easy!!

Weekend is here again. Thank you!!

I don't know how to go back.....

Crazy Days

Oh my God! Oh my God!! I'm running out of time!!!! *Panics* I have two weeks left before my consultancy lecture and I haven't prepare anything yet. Oouuiiiii! Someone is in BIG trouble.

It feels nice to start the day catching up with a friend though walaupun melalui ruang chat MSN ini as she usually puts it. Makes me forget all the trouble and stupidity around me. Talk about being irresponsible!! I have one story but I will not share it here. How I wish MinX's around. Everything is just driving me crazy nowadays. Seriously man!! Seriously!!! These people at work, not my friends and direct colleagues, are just fucking pissing me off. Banar!! I feel like slapping them with a large trout. Hahaha! Mcm irc saja bunyi nya. But yeah! I was extra-ordinarily calm this morning though there was a bit of rage going on deep inside. It was silly matters made difficult by idiotic people but hey I can stop them from being stupid. So? What else can I do? Shoot em'? Yes please!

Hans had a very interesting note on her blog. It says prolonged use of positive thinking may create a permanent positive attitude. Should try that. How to start? She didn't exactly say. So a little help here please. Can I just fake the positive attitude with prolonged use of positive words??

Work is excellently crap!
At least I'm trying..........

Talk About.....

Ohh its one of those times! When I feel so clueless and meaningless. Heh! Work is getting so mundane. Like the only thing that is new is there's more and more silly tasks to do each passing day. I need to get out of this place. I'm stuck in stagnation.

What do you do if your friend doesn't share their good news with you? There can be a number of reasons, that I can think of:
One: Maybe they want surprise you!
Two: Maybe its not time to share yet
Three: You are insignificant!
Four: You are very insignificant!!!
Five: Who are you again?

Oh since chocolate fudge is not around and already I've got so many things to talk about, I decided to jot down all those relevant topics on post-its and share it with her when she gets back which is not soon. So that I will not forget when she comes back cos approx. a couple of weeks is a very long period for a very forgetful person like me. Good thing I still have Tee to talk to and she agreed that I should put them on post-its as reference. Heh! Engineers are very practical!

Thank goodness for handball later. Need to ease my mind and forget about these work craps then again there's still another day. Another day to face those craps. SiGh!! Why couldn't I be inspired?

The world works in the most ironic way.....

Unstamped Letter Part: Uno

Dear Fudge,

We can never know to what extend one can miss another until one is actually missing another. In this case, a day feels like forever. And you only flew off yesterday. So thats like forever already. And nobody lives forever so technically forever is not possible for humans like us. So you have to come back before I explode or whatever forever do to humans. But then you can't come back just because I ask you to besides you got to do the thing you got to do. So don't worry about me I will be fine. (PLEASE!! WORRY WORRY ABOUT ME!!) No seriously, don't. (YES!! SERIOUSLY!! PLEASE Do!!) Haha nyeah don't! I'm gonna be fine. Except that if you were here I would probably tell you that office ku benyamuk. Tehheeeee! Cemana boleh? I don't know. Hmm plants baru ku ani kali. Uhuks uhuks.

Yours Truly,
Mopiko :p

Closing In....

I feel so uninspired! Oh its saturday! Thank God for weekends. This week I have been spending a little time writing a doa, more like tons of appeal. Reason behind it should remained unsaid. Haha! Anyhow, it got me into thinking, first of all, makbul kah tu doa atu? Even if you go to the holy land and devote urself to God when in reality you are not a devoted muslim yourself. Its like I've got this so many requests to God but then when I really think about it, mcm who am I really for it to be fulfilled because there are so many better person than me who deserves their wish to be realised. Seriously? But the holy land is a magical place and Allah Subahan'allah Taala is very forgiving and loving of his creations so I hope for the best :)

I also have been feeling kinda weird these past few days, as if there's someone watching me all the time. Only a few friends know that I have experienced a number of weird and errmm 'supernatural' stuffs, mainly back in my uni days. And I feel like all those are coming back though not exactly in the same manner. But...seriously! I know its hard to understand and harder to believe but there's no good reasoning for making this up..if I am making this things up which I'm not. *Heh!* Besides this things it happens in sequence you know so I feel like I'm back to experiencing similar things and I don't have a clue to why. So the first recent occurrence was the night of the passing of a friend. Won't say what exactly cos its too complicated to write hehe! Anyway, the last weird occurrence was last night when well.....you ready for this?? I felt a warmth breath blown on my forehead. I was alone in my room on my side, lights off, almost doozed off to sleep and suddenly.....Hehe! Yup! There you go. Go figure!!

Uuuuhhhhh!! Its almost 12!! Yes!! I love saturdays!!

Tell me why and I'll tell you how.......................

To A Friend...Gone

The Finish Line

The earth is warm next to my ear
Insects noise is all that I hear
A magic trick makes the world disappear
The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear

A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy
The snow and tickertape blurs all my senses numb
It's like the finish line where everything just ends
The crack of radios seems close enough to touch

Cold water, cleaning my wounds
A side parade, with a single balloon
I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten
Blue as seas, running to them I feel like

I am watching everything from space
And in a minute I hear my name and I wake
I think the finish line's a good place we could start
Take a deep breath, take in all that you could want

Lyrics by Snow Patrol


I know this is long overdue, nonetheless.....May you rest in peace. I don't think you ever knew how much you touched our life with your sincerity and kindness. Thank you for everything you did for us. Al-Fatihah

Losing Grip

Its getting more and more insane each day. Fucken darn! I HATE!! HATE!! donkey jobs. Its making me feel so senseless, purposeless and unworthy......................

One Week Ago

Hahaha! Atu ya! My last post was ages ago. God! Was really really caught up with work. Erkkks!! So my liaison task is no more now, and I'm back to my desk preparing things, in advance, for my lectures which is in a month. It sounds like a long time but trust me its not!! I have another consultancy lectures next month as well and the students are quite a challenge. I taught the same batch last year and education are the last things on their mind and they are very passive as well. So I'm still trying to figure out the best way of conducting my lessons. Shmuck!!

Saw four of my chinese ex-classmates at the gym on wednesday. Its nice to catch people from your past and to discover they are almost still the same makes it more exciting. I know I'll be looking more of them after this which is good. Had a little talk with them, recapping what we have been up to all this years. Funny when we were back at high school we made a pack that we'd go to Empire on New Year's Eve 2005 for our reunion. Don't think anyone went although Won Wern claimed she did come. Heh! Macam sitaie!

I still enjoy the girls' company as much as I did back then. Our class rocks!!! Back then at the beginning of the 'O' level years, there were equal number of malay, chinese and indian (and associated race) population and mingling with the different race was the last thing on our mind. Our teachers did advised us endlessly to enjoy the diversity of culture and be friends. Not that we don't want to mix with them but I think we were shy at the beginning. Time passes by and we got along well, very well and very very well. In couple of months time we became unstoppable. If before the teachers complaint of our socialising capabilities now there are really complaining of our socialising capabilities, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, its lunch time. Time for gyming. Ahhhh!! Bless!!

Its not who you are underneath, its what you do that defines you.

Madness

I'm sleepy, I'm tired and I'm lost!! Don't actually know what to write about. I'm just enjoying my bangang phase at the moment cos after days of continuous hell, it feels good to be incompetent once in a while.

Fuck!! WHY WHY!!!! Just as I was about to enjoy my moment, trouble comes knocking on my locked door. Except a hiatus from me.

Driven to pure insanity..............

Busy Days Ahead

I'm so not liking the start of my week but it could be worse so I'm ok. Besides I'm trying to be a less bitter person. Hahaha right Hanster? yesterday has to be the most physically tiring day of the year...so far. Been going around the whole place doing this and that and on top of that someone spill tea on my baju kurung. Hahaha! Since I had so much to do..the fuck with the stain. Stayed at work for another hour and decided to go to the gym for a de-stressing session which works pretty well. Except that I'm left with muscles pain. I think I did a little too much on the weights.

So today is the mentally exhausting day. Yes! It is. Talking and negotiating and trying to talk people out of doing the things that they shouldn't be doing. Its tiring. And its bad or maybe good that we have handball after work. Which I was and still am (I think!) looking forward for except that at this stage of mental exhaustion I'd be so pancit. Hopefully not. Hopefully it would made me energetic, a ds-stressing session, throwing balls...I like! Heh! Like a raging bull going mad in the middle of town. Grrrrrr!!!

Ayte...Excuse me


Looking at the same star...........

How To Start A Day

"When you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; but when you cannot measure it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind: It may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have scarcely, in your thoughts, advanced to the stage of science."
Lord Kelvin

Since I started my day indulging myself in reading a lime green thermo book I thought I'll start today's post science related as well. So a brief introduction about Kelvin whose real name was Will Thompson, no he is not the underwear designer. Haha! underwear designer lagi tu eh ..superficial! Anyway, he introduced the Kelvin temperature scale, where his Zero Degree Kelvin which is also called the absolute zero is a theoretical temperature where all molecules stop moving/vibrating, whatever they are doing. To give you a fair idea, this zero Degree Kelvin equals to -273.15 Degree Celcius. So by Kelvin's term, water freeze at 273.15 Degree Kelvin and boils at 373.15 d.K (273.15 + 100) since the temperature scale is the same as in Celcius. Ayte!

Looks like I'm gonna end it the same way.............

Wearing Out

Work was hectic!! And it feels good to steal some few minutes (uhuks! ehem! and hopefully hours) doing nothing related to work. And going to the gym for the past couple of days adds to my increasing level of knackeredness. Though it does boost my fitness level which I am so proud of. Hahaha! The rowing machine has been making its miracle as well..scoring goals has never been so easy. Haha! Whot!! Anyway, I was quite surprised with myself yesterday during handball session. Like I was so energetic..or maybe it was just plain hyper-ness. But seriously, it was unbelievable. So I guess the gym session does help...a lot!!!! Waheyyy!!

On a more serious note, it seems like there's a lot of things on my mind. But I can't exactly define each and every one of it as yer. Its everything all added up fueling inside. Don't worry its not flamable. But yeah..maybe I'm just stressed out from work and tired from all those physical activites. Ehy!! Tucking in late and waking up early makes it even worse. I badly need a massage. Maybe I just need to take a pause.

Another one......

Life In A Day

Been having sleepless nights lately. Too much to worry about and yet so little effort from yours truly. Haha! Yesh! The laziness of the human mind. Its funny how we can be committed to one thing and not another. I'm being offered again to teach a consultancy course for about a month and its too good to be rejected. But to prepare another set of lectures and stuff is just to exhausting. Okay..I know I've been using this word for so many times but seriously!! its exhausting. Life is exhausting! Anyway, this subject I'm gonna teach is not really my cup of tea, so have to do a bit of background reading to supplement the lectures. At this moment, its not the only job pending. I have some other stuff to worry about especially now its towards the end of February. So one might wonder why I'm taking this job..well!! the pay is good! So my main motivation is the money! Hahaha! At least I'm being honest about it and its not like I'm taking this task lightly.

Here's a problem...you are already comfortable with where/who/how you are to proceed to another stage of your life. But you know sooner or later you'll proceed to that stage..hopefully. So what if you had the slightest hint of advancing further and you felt like if you don't do it now, its stupid because you don't want to miss the chance but then life now is too good to be given up. How do we decide?? Like how do we know when to stop playing sports and get serious with life? And we are dealing with sports addict here so its not as simple. Be one and you'll understand. So thats just one little example right. What about the other major things like partnerships and domestication if there's a word for it hahaha. People will say you'll know when the time comes? What if it never come? What if it came and we didn't know?

A little uncertain...........

Poet's Life IV

I Stepped Back

So today I stand here unsure of what tomorrow will bring
As I reminisce over time, I realize one thing
I can't go back and do over what I've done
I can only relish over the battles I've won
and regret the skirmishes I've lost
Sometimes giving pride as the cost
But in my mind
I rewind the time
To when I knew nothing of the strife
When I was ignorantly innocent to life
But now that I know I'm stuck where I don't wanna be
In the unescapable hustle and bustle inside of me
I thought I knew everything, like the world was in the palm of my hand.
Now I step back to realize
I really don't understand.

Simone Senior
Copyright ©2007 Simone Senior

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I'm Not Ready When You Are

I'm not what you think, I can't be the person
You want me to be. The main reason is
I'm just not ready, I need time to heal
I feel in my heart that being alone is better
Maybe not to you, but if you love me
Like you say you do you will understand
Emotions are just too strong, resentment and hurt
Holding this inside is breaking my heart
It hurts so bad, I feel so much pressure
Deep inside its wanting to push through out in the open.
Stronger and stronger it gets
Everyday, harder and harder the pain throbs
Trying to think of a way to let it out
But so scared, so scared of your reaction.
Don't want to hurt you.
I feel stuck,
Stuck in a position that I can't get out of
It's not going to be easy for both of us.
But it has to be done one way or another
I'm unhappy and you will be too
If we continue this we both hurt more in the end.

Kate Stevens
Copyright ©2007 Kate Alicia Kemper

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Time Is a Deception

Time is a deception
We are all waiting endlessly for eternity
We are trapped in our veils;
Masked innocence; eludes the ever unspoken word
We want to be a part of an exclusive; destiny of men,
Who trod onwards towards oblivion
Our aloneness is inevitable
The fate of the moment leaps forward;
Backwards we grasp an illusion
of veiled innocence
Innocence in time is the ever ending
personification of our dreams,
We are eternal extensions of our time;
Framed in tattered tears
Of self doubt
We continue to strive
For a more perfect self
Illusions are past
With the history of time.

Alan L. Robinson
Copyright ©2007 Alan L. Robinson

Highest Degree of Knackered-ness!!

Thats what I'm feeling at the moment. I was hoping it would be Friday today. You know one of those moments when you wake up on sunday to go to work, get all showered-up and stuff only to realise that its sunday. Well, I want the opposite because I'm very very tired and its only 8.36 in the morning. 8.36am!! How am I going to survive til the sun settles in? I could barely open my eyes and I'm yawning every seconds. HeLP!!!!!! I would have drown myself in coffee if it helps but I'm a freak. Coffee makes me sleepy...it can knocked me out as fast as you sing KCi and Jojo's All My Life, so thats a no-no this morning. Leaving me with...nothing!

Speaking pasal this KCi and Jojo's song, they played it in the gym yesterday. GYM!!! All My Life!! in the GYM!!??? Seriously!!! Who wants to run along to All My Life!! Anyway!! Tee was next to me on the threadmill and said..this song is an incest song. And I was like 'Really!?!' Hahaha thats how ignorant I am. Tee went on explaining about the lyrics and all how, they want this girl to be close to them like the father, mother, brother and sister. Hell mate! they are bringing the whole family in the picture. So seriously!! it is an incest song after all.

Ironically, I flicked across this program called 'Top 40 Most Awesomely BAD Love Songs Ever' and guess what? This song is in the chart! Similar comments from the experts so we rest our case. Familiar songs that also made it into the chart was Enrique Iglesias - Hero, Savage Garden - Truly Madly Deeply, Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You. And the ultimate awesomely bad love song ever was from the mellow messiah Lionel Richie with Truly. Hahaha!!

Check this out to find the world's most awesomely bad love songs so you'll know what your partner really meant when he/she dedicated those Valentine songs to you last night :)

I'll leave you with the lyrics from Billy Ocean's Suddenly who is also in the chart. Enjoy!!

I used to think that love was just a fairy tale
Until that first hello until that first smile
But if I had to do it all again
I wouldn't change a thing
Cause this love is everlasting

Suddenly life has new meaning to me
There's beauty up above and things we never take notice of
You wake up suddenly you're in love ---> ZzZzZzzZ Kroookkk Krookk ZZzzZz...Yawn!! I'm in love!! (What the fuck?!!)

Girl you're everthing a man could want and more
One thousand words are not enough to say what I feel inside ---> but enough to make an awesomely bad love song
Holding hands as we walk along the shore
Never felt like this before now you're all I'm living for

Each day I pray this love affair would last forever
There's beauty up above and things you never take notice of ---> Up where? Keerrraaazziieee I tell ya!
You wake and suddenly you're in love

Hahaha! tempted to put another song....so here is Oleta Adam's Get Here. I'll let the lyrics speak for itself.

You can reach me by railway, you can reach me by trailway
You can reach me on an airplane, you can reach me with your mind
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

You can reach me by sail boat, climb a tree and swing rope to rope
Take a sled and slide down the slope, into these arms of mine
You can jump on a speedy colt, cross the border in a blaze of hope
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

There are hills and mountains between us
Always something to get over
If I had my way, surely you would be closer
I need you closer oh closer

You can windsurf into my life, take me up on a carpet ride
You can make it in a big balloon, but you better make it soon
You can reach me by caravan, cross the desert like an Arab man yeah

I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can
I need you right here right now
I need you right here right now right by my side
I don't care how you get here, just get here, get here
I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can
Get here if you can

All wrapped up......toodles lovers

The more you become, the more you feel...............

Clueless

I found myself lying wide awake for two hours. Dunno why? Nothing was on my mind. I simply just can't sleep!! Probably from all the remaining adrenalin from handball previously which by the way was fucking awesome. And here I find myself clueless....again.

Its not fun being me.........

What Teachers Make

Something worth reading......

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental...You want to know what I make?" (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live in the United States of America .

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant...

You want to know what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
What do you make?"

Teachers make every other profession


Well..the truth is, not all teachers seek the profession as a last resort. Some of us become what we are because we wanted to. I knew even before I had my degree that I was going to be one. I guess its in the blood. It gives us a different sense of achievement, one only teachers would now. Okay, I'm not gonna ramble on.....too tired to. Besides kinda already talk about this achievement thingy in previous post so go find em' :)

Tell me something and I'll tell you everything.........................

Brunei Male Species

Neez had a very interesting view about them when we were at the beach yesterday. Well, every girls knew we wouldn't get away from the filthy look of the men, their occasional 'Phewittt' and even when they revved up their motor when passing by. Like we are impressed!! Puh-leaseeee!! We even got binocular-ed by this group of losers and what even annoyed me more is that they even make it obvious. So Neez said that these men belongs to the 80% of Bruneian men...the typical loser! The ones who think they are the greatest just becos they have dicks. The men that gives Brunei a bad name. Haha apakan? So that was her view. Well, I'd say its more than that percent if we carefully look at it. Those losers and insignificant population actually covers 95% of their species (based on study by Ape Expert from Congo)

Makes one wonder doesn't it. How and Why? Our society are producing more and more perverts. Even I have colleagues giving out sexual comments and we are talking about highly respectable day job men here. Cemana kan tu? Seriously!! With a highly religious and cultural bounded country like Brunei, we shouldn't be having this type of behaviours. Not from majority of them. And yet we do? And yet nobody can really do anything about it. How sad is that?

Ankle is recovering well though it is still swollen a bit like a dwarf puffer fish huehuehue!! I should rest it but I'm so tempted to play handball tomorrow. Maybe I can just play goalie. Shut! Which reminds me that I need to get an ankle guard. Darn!!

Reality unrevised.........

My Pain My Game

16th February 2005 was the first time I got myself inflicted with a serious injury that put a halt in my sporting activities. A week before that I picked up a strained calf during football training. Being as arrogant and determined..or maybe just plain arrogant, I ignored the pain and played even in a training match against the guys a day before the 16th. Then the pain got worse...painfully worse and so I decided it needed a rest and worked really hard to make it well again. Come the 16th, in the morning, the muscle feels much better..like brand new. And I thought "Ahhhh..the ice made its wonder..i can play tonight" Nightfall, we were warming up for our first ever friendly and we were doing a short 50% sprint when I heard something snapped. I couldn't feel the strength in my left leg and it made me stop running. Next thing I knew I was limping with this painful painful pain on my left calf. It felt as if its been stabbed and the knife is still sticking out of it. I spent the rest of the night sitting on the grass watching my team mates trashed the opponent 6-0.

I torn 50% of my calf muscle as the doctor diagnosed the next day. Underwent treatment and physiotherapy for it. Took a whole 2 months to get the full strength on the left leg back and didn't even hit the field until after 3 months. Which was in time for the JIS tournament which I was selected. Then I heard another snap while playing in one of the group matches. This time, it was my right calf and I found myself lying on the pitch to everyone's pleasuring view. The injury was not as worse as the first one but still went through some treatment and physio for less than a couple of months. Even then didn't managed to get full recovery for both leg until around September.

Then come yesterday, when I twisted my left ankle during handball. Didn't seem that bad but it sure did feel like it. Stupid yours truly did some walking and light jog to make the ankle fully functioned again. Stupid move!! I felt a jerking force halfway having dinner and now I keep having them every hour or so. Going to the GP will be totally useless, all the have to say is to rest it. Which is true plang but don't you have any other thing to offer?? Might go to the sports clinic on monday if the pain continues. I remember Peng twisted her right ankle the first time which is the same as my current case and she had to go through treatment and physio as well for about 2 months. But I don't think mind is as bad. Or is it? Hahahaha! Oh well!!

The first time I twisted my right ankle was during the university game and didn't get a full recovery until after three months. Even then, my ankle cap was invisible and it got unstable after a while. Thank to one Filipino masseur, I got my ankle cap back. She was talking to me during the massage and suddenly she went mad and twist my ankle back to its original position. Huahua! My ankle cap was back in place. But still didn't recover from the painful massage for couple of weeks after that. God thing my ankle cap is still visible on this left one. So it should be ok.

Wano is sleeping over tonight. Gonna play Risk all night long later with the sibs. Yeahooo! Saturday night spend at home is way much better sometimes.

Sometimes you wish you never did....................

Mother Luck is MOCKING Me!!!

Just as I thought it couldn't get any worse...it gets worse! This heartache is so exhausting. These worries are bringing me down rock bottom. This is very very exhausting!! I know I'm capable of handling this. I can do it. I'm still waiting for the wheel to turn upwards.....Hah! wheel! What an interesting word!

Tee was saying that this is God's way of showing how much He loves me. Giving me all this hardship so I'll grow stronger and more determined. I couldn't agree more. But dealing with it is not easy but of course......I couldn't help being dismayed. Makes me wanna cry..........

Its harder than hard.................


edited

Today is no more different that yesterday. Its the same thing! Another problem solved opens an opportunity for another problem to arise. Which kinda shadows the first problem so it doesn't at all feels like there's anything being resolved. I need these dark clouds cast away from over my head.

Luck!!..Wait For Me!!!

My luck is running dry as fast as it could. Didn't even say goodbye! They just left!! Its been quite overwhelming these past few days. Sometimes you just knew when something is not right. Well, thats how I'm feeling at the moment. As soon as I thought I couldn't get anymore unlucky, then boom! your hit in the face. I responded positive initially, always keeping in my mind that its just the dark clouds inside my silver lining rather that see it the other way. But the dark clouds seems to get bigger and darker, brewing something bad inside. Ocassionally striking you with a thunder and you know....things. Haha apakan! But seriously, I'm so exhausted! Exhausted being positive. So now I'm just gonna go with the flow. I learnt not to complain or anything, which I haven't been doing. And writing about this is not complaining...this is sharing information :)

Thats it......................

Quotomatic Machine: Hatred

The sage said, "The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget"

Hazrat Inayat Khan

The Beautiful Thing Called Karma

I'm not happy with myself this morning...reason being? Can't say :p The past couple of days have been pretty interesting and somewhat mentally overwhelming as well. First, there's the text message from Minx telling me about the something-we-won't-tell-other-people from someone-who-will-not-be-named. And this already occupies our mind although it didn't really deserved anything from our thoughts. But we couldn't help thinking how stupid, presumptuous and disgusting. It really caught me off-guard because it was very shocking. Mind killing-ly shocking!!

Then there was handball, which was physically demanding for a slacking amateur like me. And like that's not enough, there's Lisa, a very pretty looking trans. Yes! she is a pondan. But I couldn't help but think what a pretty face she'll have if she was a true female. Mcm the features are all there, facial features plang saja. Huahua! Must be all the pondans mocking before that gotten me into this. Karma people! This is karma! But at least this karma is acceptable. Funny thing, Minx and I were fighting over him/her = himer yesterday when choosing our players. Haha! And Minx even called himer ALAI Lisa..which got all himer other gang responding. Haha! By the way, if you were wondering, she was in my team. Kinda stole himer away when Minx was busy talking to someone else. Huhuhu!!!

I have learnt not to a hate a person to the max and I'm trying to get someone to do that. Because I hate a person once. Hate him so so much, hate him with all my heart, hear people say his name and I'll go 'Heh! Shulkkkk!!' and then I got to know him, well he's a very nice person after all. There's a reason for everything and so there was a reason for his behaviour which caused my loathing. And when all the resentment is gone, it ditches you a void, the greater the hate, the bigger the void. Most of the time, this void is filled with its anti-thesis, so in the case of hate, its love. Because you know intense things can only be replaced with another equally intense something. So no, I don't want this someone to hate this person, because this hate, its negative-ness will eat her mind..alive and its corrupting her even as I speak. And I don't want this thing to bite her in the ass later. Something has to be done to even get her off thinking about this matter anymore? What? The solution is yet to be found. However, thinking about Lisa did work last night. Ahhh!!! you find beautiful thoughts in the most bizarre things.

So here's a question. If a girl likes the opposite sex, she's straight. If she likes the same sex, she's not straight. But what is she if she likes trans?? Hahaha!! Not that I like trans but you know, something to think about ^_^

One man failure is another's triumph.................